what age for potty training???

[happynappies]

Today I took my 15 month old daughter round to see my Mum, and during our lovely Mother's Day celebrations my Mum decided to question me about potty training. She told me that both me, my sister and brother were all potty trained by the age my daughter is now - and sleeping in a 'proper' single bed too. Is her memory defective, or were things done differently 30 years ago?!! I'm sure there are many answers to my question, depending on your particular outlook. My hv and mums at my local toddler group don't seem to think about potty training until after the age of 2. My dd is in reusable nappies, so I wondered if she might show certain signs a bit earlier (e.g. awareness of being in a damp nappy) but I certainly have no plans to push the issue... I'm really interested to hear a variety of views on this, because although I have read widely on the topic, I don't really understand why my Mum (and MIL for that matter) has such a different experience of potty training... any thoughts?

Don't fret, my DS1 is 2.7 and FIL has been badgering us about potty training, and of course I am beginning to feel pressurised too BUT I won't give in y'know.

DS1 is also in washable nappies, it doesn't seem to make any difference, he really just isn't ready for pants yet.

DD was 24 months but I was told that was still pretty early. I was led by DD, was sorted by day 3, far easir to let the child guiide you than the other way round.

Most children seem to be 2-3 years old when PT'd, with some a bit later and a fw a bit earlier.

We had this from parents - especially my Dad. I'd roll my eyes a bit and say "nobody actually goes to school in nappies y'know Dad", I just knew ds1 wasn't ready. Having said that we tried a couple of times half-heartedly at about 2.6ish but he (ds) just wasn't interested. Then I had an early miscarriage (at 9wks) followed by an immediate pregnancy - I was emotional and had all day morning sickness and couldn't face potty training. So we tried again when ds had just turned 3 late last year and cracked it in a couple of days - saved a lot of hassle and glad we waited.

Do it when you and your dd are ready, do not give in to any pressure (try the eye-rolling! )

15 months is still very little. Try to ignore your Mum if you can! Personally I'd not think about either potty training or moving to a big bed until after a second b'day.

I have a theory that OUR parents confuse starting to use the potty with actually being potty trained.

It's amazing how many of our parents seem to think we were trained early when we very rarely hear of dcs trained this age these days.

having fought my way through potty training with twin boys because MIL thought they were too old for nappies, I am a strong believer in child leading you.

In 'olden' days we was all in terry towelling jobbies, far from absorbant, so we 'wanted' to be in pants sooner, to stop that damp feeling...these days, disposables are that good at their job, kids are not feeling wet or dirty so don't care - even the new washables are much better than old terrys.

I wish I had waited a bit longer and not had the pain and aggro - but my 3yo dt's are now dry in day but still sodden at night (in pull ups).

Oh I missed the bit about single beds (so worried about potty training am I).

DS1 has been in his toddler bed from just before his 2nd birthday but only because I wanted him settled in it before DS2 arrived and needed the cotbed . We were lucky with that fortunately and he never gets up and runs around or anything.

I can't see any reason to move your DD into a single bed if she is happy where she is and you don't need the cot tbh, and she is still very young to go into a big bed IMO.

Maybe your mum's memory is a little defective anyway?

oh and we did toddler beds a month before second birthday - but had months of surrounding beds in pillows to soften the falls!

I think the previous generation did tend to potty train earlier because they had to hand-wash and line-dry terry nappies, so they had a big incentive. They also tended not to work, so had much more time to dedicate to it.

Crossed swords with my mum today as she's alsways going on about how much harder it was in "her day." Drives me and my sister mad!!

As for a big bed- depends on the child. DD1 was 2.5 when she moved into a big bed but dd1 hated her cot with a passion and we moved her into a bed when she was 16 months (but it was a junior bed as her room was small)

Re. the single bed thing - DD went into a toddler bed at 18 months, as she hated being in her cot. That worked well for us, but probably rather early compared to some though.

It depends on the child.

DD1 was potty trained at just under three years old.

We recognised the signs of 'readiness' better with dd2 and she was dry day and night at 19 months.

ime girls tend to be ready sooner than boys...go with your maternal instincts and do it when it's right for you and your child.

Summer is easier anyway because they can run around without anything on the bottom half while at home.

Beds - we moved them into their own beds when they both flung themselves out of their cots at about two-and-a-half (even with the mattress on the bottom rack where, in theory, they shouldn't have been able to climb out of).

Both times, we were downstairs, heard a thud and a cry and ran upstairs to find child rather stunned on the floor.

They're teenagers now and didn't suffer any apparent harm.

In-laws and parents have strange memories... My MIL told me the other day that DS2 now 10 months should be saying his first words soon - which is complete balls, I don't know any kids who was saying proper words at 10 months old. She is adament that my husband said his first word at 9 months, which is balls. It's my husband we're talking about!

Anyway, potty training, anything between 18 months and 3 I think. I am potty training DS1 at the mo and he is 2.4, and I've had some people telling me that it's early, and others (older generation) saying that I've left it a bit late. It's up to you, and how ready your daughter is. There's nothing wrong with talking to her about it. That's how I started with DS1, when changing his nappy I'd say 'you know if you need a poo you can tell me and you can sit on your potty' and eventually it sunk in and he asked for his potty. One morning, whilst watching Thomas, he asked to sit on his potty and he did a wee, and got loads of praises (and a chocolate button)so we carried on for weeks he'd ask for his potty once in a while.

Then one day he 'decided' he wanted to wear knickers (probably following the purchase of the book Aliens Love Underpants', which is a brilliant book) and since then he's out of napies but still has accidents once in a while. It is difficult to start with, and he still wears pull-ups if we go out for a long journey in the car, but they can have accidents for a long time afterwards.

I think that you can safely say to your mum that it's now accepted and recommended to wait until 2.5 + for potty training.

I think my parents & in-laws generation did do those things earlier. MIL & my Mum & nan had been going on about getting DS dry from 16mths! (have just done it now at 2.7!). But they also both remeber a dreadful experience with an awful lot of mess whereas DS was pretty easy & I'd say was sorted pretty much in 3 days.

They were using cloth nappies & with another ababy on the way were keen to get the 1st child out of nappies. The same with the cot - they needed it for the new baby.

These days IME most HV don't suggest starting potty training til nearer 3. I had to stand firm and say that HV said to wait & make it easier for everyone.

when my MIL badgered me once too often on my birthday about it saying it wasn't that hard, would only take a few days, why was i waiting etc etc, i snapped and said "ok, i will put em in pants, it's my birthday today so you deal with the mess".....4 hours later, she flopped into her chair and said "you're right, they're not ready" - no shit sherlock! Funny how a mother is always right............

Thanks for the reassuring views... I don't know what it is with my Mum. She has been going on and on for three months about the fact that my dd isn't walking. She has been taking faltering steps for a few weeks, and yesterday I was really proud of her 'showing off' her new skill in front of her grandparents. I was expecting my Mum to be happy/reassured - but no, she chose precisely that time to start up about potty training. I know that there is no way my dd is ready yet, so spending all that time haloofing around with a potty will be frustrating for all concerned if I were going to try it now. I can see that perhaps 'back in the day' things were different, but as chocolateshoes says, starting potty training is a different thing to actually accomplishing potty training, and I'd rather wait and maximise our chances of success... I'll just have to bite my tongue with my usually laidback and not-at-all-interferring mum - don't know what's got into her!!

My DD is 22 months and we've been doing half-arsed effort for about four months after nursery suggested it. After some early triumphs she then started getting distressed about poos and would get up and jump in my lap at the crucial moment , then went through a phase of being upset about doing them in her nappy. We leave it up to her now but she doesn't seem keen - when she's obviously doing a poo I will ask 'are you doing a poo?', she'll say 'no, mummy' - 'do you want to do it in the potty?' 'no, mummy', but she will tell me when she's finished (or that Makka Pakka/Lady Doctor/any other scapegoat has done a poo in her nappy ) and ask to have her nappy changed. We've occasionally chatted about pants and whether she wants to wear them, and she is obsessed with a little japanese tiger video I found on YouTube and always wants to watch it. Sorry for thread hijack but what does everyone think? Is she ready? Should we just take the plunge and put her in pants? Am expecting DC2 in 7 weeks...

potty train when you feel ready i was in pants at 17 months but dp was closer to 3 i think.
ds has not long turned 2 and only wears a nappy for bed or on long car/bus trips.

What I imagine they mean is that they were trained to recognise when you needed the potty/ times you used it and put you on it.
Most children do not get enough bladder control to hold urine under 18mths. There are a few exceptions, but not many.
I imagine with terry nappies that because children could feel the wet and dry differences that they may have had an awareness earlier, but it would just mean lots and lots of time going on and off the potty. When they are ready to train it takes a matter of days to do.
Children need to be aware they are dirty and be able to comunnicate this. They also need to be going to the toilet no more frequently than hourly, to show they have control. Ideally they should be able to pull up and down loose fitting trousers/pants.

DD is trained (from 22mths) and is now 2.1y. Still has occasional accidents. She could understand what she was meant to do and communicate well at 16mths so I tried for 2 days with her. She didn't have enough bladder control to get to the potty when she got the urge to wee, so I put it on hold until 22mths. HTH

All our parents' memories are a little coloured by time, if I can put it that way. Agree with others that getting out of terry nappies was probably a big influence and that starting to introduce LOs to the concept of a potty is not quite the same thing as being dry day and night . My MIL bought DD a potty for Christmas when she was 16 months old. She likes playing with it, and sits on it fully clothed and says 'poo!' triumphantly, but I don't for one second think that at 19 months she is going to crack it in four days like my best friend's twins did when they were two and a half. My mum's 'stories' about me as a baby include me pulling myself up on the bookshelf and pulling books out at five months . I tend to default to 'the HV says/a survey has shown...' if I want to avoid reverting to stroppy teenage daughter saying 'No, I'm doing it like THIS!'
And the bed thing - if it ain't broke...

I think what they did was wee/poo catching rather than actual potty training iyswim. A book I've read which is a study of 1 years olds in the 1950's says that 30% of mothers said their children were potty trained at a year - but comments that during the interview often the child would be wet, even whilst this was being said.

DS is 21 months and has only just this weekend started to tell me when he's done a poo, so theres no way he's ready. He happily sits on the loo, but is yet to do anything.

My MIL has told me that both DH and SIL was potty trained by 24months. My DD is 22months and has just started potty training, she is doing very good but we do still have the ocassional accident. She has been trying for about 5 days now and does not want to wear a nappy anymore. Just wait and let your DC lead you, they know after all when they are ready i believe. My daughter has been sleeping in a proper bed for about 6 months now, we live in a 2 bed house and the second bedroom is very small so when we moved in we bought a loft bed and put her cot under the loft bed when she started to get to big for the cot my husband turned the loft bed upside down with the base on the floor and the ladder bit still sticking into the air he then took one of the ladders steps out and it is now like a little entrance to her big bed, we got her the disney princess bedding and she thinks she is a real big girl in her big bed. I appologise for rambling on.