what age for potty training???

[happynappies]

Today I took my 15 month old daughter round to see my Mum, and during our lovely Mother's Day celebrations my Mum decided to question me about potty training. She told me that both me, my sister and brother were all potty trained by the age my daughter is now - and sleeping in a 'proper' single bed too. Is her memory defective, or were things done differently 30 years ago?!! I'm sure there are many answers to my question, depending on your particular outlook. My hv and mums at my local toddler group don't seem to think about potty training until after the age of 2. My dd is in reusable nappies, so I wondered if she might show certain signs a bit earlier (e.g. awareness of being in a damp nappy) but I certainly have no plans to push the issue... I'm really interested to hear a variety of views on this, because although I have read widely on the topic, I don't really understand why my Mum (and MIL for that matter) has such a different experience of potty training... any thoughts?

Just realised MIL says 12months not 24months

30 months.

cmotdibbler, Could I have the detailed of the book you mentioned ? I would like to read it.

OP, You can help your child be clean/dry from a young age...if you want to, have the time, don't might the odd wee accident. It is known these days as 'Elimination Communication' but the practice is as old as the hills.

My own father was clean/dry from being a year old, as is my own DD. She is not toilet trained but it is far more than simple toilet timing too. I will be interested to see if this will work for our second child.

Its called Patterns of infant care in an Urban Community by John and Elizabeth Newson. Published by Pelican.
They interviewed mothers in their own homes, following 700 children from birth to four, talking to them about every aspect of the childrens lives, which is absolutely fascinating.

cmotdibbler, Sounds very interesting thanks for the information.

I think its down to you and how much time you are willing to spend on doing it. For me I started early potty training my dd from 5.5 months. There was no pressure from in-laws etc, I did some reading and thought I'd rather do the gradual approach. I asked my grandparents and they said all four were out of nappies at 18months. My dd was out of nappies at 17 months and doesn't use nappies at night. I used cloth nappies and think that makes a difference, just as it alters your mindset. Also very noticable that she never had nappy rash. Also think that they progress more on the potty when they start walking. When I first started using the potty it was only because it was very obvious when she needed to go when she was small and I thought why let her do it in a nappy and have that all over her skin unnecessarily -the best 'catch' times were, immediately after feeds, after sleeps, after a car ride, so wasn't really difficult and saved loads of money on nappies, I included doing a potty sign (from 7months) every time I took her and did wet nappy sign for her, when she had a wet nappy. She signed at 13 months for potty and nappy. Then later included the sign for wee and poo (naturally if your toddler is a talker that won't be necessary). I wasn't brave enough to leave it till the terrible twos and have to deal with tantrums etc. Obviously it depends on how much time you want to spend on it. Me I'm glad as I don't have to deal with pooey nappies any more and its been a gradual process.If you are wondering she brings the potty to us when she wants to go, or pulls us up to get us to take her to the potty. She might wake up at night to go on the potty and then settle to sleep after it.

Around 16.5 months she had a gastro bug and this meant not being at work so as she had me around for approx 10 days on the trot and affirmed the use of the potty. Due to the early potty training she never had wet nappies at night very early on and always did it first thing in the morning on the potty.

If people want to leave it later I understand their reasoning it should be less hassle as your child is more able to communicate their needs with you, however you then have to contend with having trained your child to wee/poo in a nappy their entire life you then have to retrain this behaviour. Do what you feel fits best with you.

Ha ignore them! My mum told me I was potty trained between 10-13 months which involved dangling me over a potty after feeding - don't think I would have really been in control of my bladder at that point!!

DS is 2 in March and might let him run around naked in summer with a potty handy but not really stressed about it - there is always next summer!

I find my mum has the world's most excellent memory for when me, my brother or my sister achieved any milestones. In reality, I wonder how accurate the memory is. Also, I wonder how selective the memory is.

I find her (my mum) quite competitive about these things and the competitiveness doesn't seem to have mellowed over the years. Perhaps there was a lot of pressure 30 or so years ago....or perhaps it's just her. I feel like her stories of us as children are all really about 'achievements', which seems a bit sad.

Don't mean to go off on a tangent, but think perhaps the generation who are grandparents now should address this rather than passing it onto us parents iyswim. In reality, I find (and I guess I'm surprised and pleased) that I can't remember when my dd reached these milestones. Makes filling in her baby book retrospectively a bit tricky though

I think there was a lot of toilet timing in the past. Infact I do the same with my 11 month old daughter. If I sit her on a potty after meals I often catch a poo and avoid a dirty terry nappy. She certainly aint trained. Its me who is trained by knowing certain reflexes. For example if you put a child on the potty after waking, you will often catch a wee. Similarly there is often a voiding reflex after a big meal.

When a child is toilet trained they go to the bathroom, pull down their pants and poo/wee totally on their own initative.

I think that in the 1950s parents just strapped the potty to the todder's bum!

My MIL is already lecturing me on the need to ensure DD is potty trained before age 1, as DH was clean & dry by 10 months . DD is not even fecking due til June.

I am ignoring her and smiling and nodding. Think her memory is a bit suspect, as she also recounts detailed conversations she had with DH when he was aged under one year. Yeah, okay - if you say so. He was walking, talking (fluently) and potty trained before he was one. Of course he was.

scampmum - my dd is 2.4yrs and has similar issues to yours about pooing. PT was going well until she had a poo in the potty and she got quite a fright. She now won't wee or poo anywhere but in her nappy.

Was thinking about giving it another go over easter when I have 2 weeks off but dc2 is due in 9 weeks and I'm wondering if it will all be too big an adjustment for her. Any advice appreciated.

P.S. She went in a big bed at 2 years with a bed guard and has slept through fine without getting up.

emsyj

I think that potty training in utro is a bit ambitous.

I guess that your DH had the potty strapped to his bum from birth.

Well I know MIL is a fantasist as she also insists that DH was fanatically neat as a child and refused to eat in his pram (???) in case he spilled crumbs, but is the messiest person I've ever known and HE EATS TOAST IN BED so I have concluded that she is a liar and everything that comes out of her mouth can safely be utterly disregarded.

The bad part is tho that DH believes it all and thinks DD will be out of nappies by Christmas..... (sigh)

My mum swears I was completely dry day and night by 8 months, as if. Bless her.

I can't actually remember potty training ds and dd1 aged 10 and 21 it just seemed to happen naturally.

I am worrying about dd2 she is 2.10 and is just not interested we have tried a few times. I feel under pressure because people keep asking how it's going. Have decided to leave it now until the summer. We are going cold turkey with the dummy and not taking it on holiday on Friday so thats enough stress for now I think.

She has been in a proper bed since 2.2.

just depends on child and parents - ds1 just decided to stop wearing nappies at 25 months, dd had been dry in nappies - ie used potty at each change much earlier and we stopped nappies about 15 months, and dry at night by 18 months,but she was/is very stubborn! you could try a gentle start by allowing her the chance to sit on a potty at each change, is no extra effort and may get her used to potty before terrible twos as loads people post on potty training board about how thier two/three year old refuses to sit on it. Just take it easy and if anything happens, all well and good, if nothing -no worries! Not sure why it has to be done in one week at three years old now. You don't expect them one to to just know how to use a knife and fork, it is a gradual process.

"Most children do not get enough bladder control to hold urine under 18mths."

Where do you get this from? I don't agree. I ec though, and know lots of parents that do. My 15 month old pees less often than I do and isn't unusual among our friends. But I wouldn't describe him as potty trained, I agree it's about me/his CM/his dad being 'trained' as much as him.

I don't believe in potty 'training'. Much better to let the child take the lead - this could be at 18 months or 3 years depending on the child. You can encourage of course with potty or toilet but the child decides when he/she is ready. Learning to use the potty is like learning to walk or talk imo - it happens when it happens.

I had the greatest of intentions of using a potty with DS from birth but soon realised it was completely unrealistic as he got older.

Anyway he's nearly 3yo, and he's been sitting on his potty when it suits him and we've left it at that. We did try him in pants last week for two days but he just wasn't grasping the concept of when to ask for the potty (too busy engrossed in playing with his trains!) so we decided to put him back in nappies for the time being. He obviously isn't fully ready to wear pants all the time during the day yet.

His older cousin is 4.5 yo and still in nappies so it makes me feel much better!lol
They do it when they are ready.

My dd is 18 months and we are starting this weekend. She has been saying 'poo poo, change the nappy' for a couple of months.

I'll be doing my ds (3.7yrs) at the same time.

It really isn't about age.