toddler tantrums - please come here and tell me how you would've handled ds this afternoon (long, sorry)

[deaconblue]

Lovely sunny afternoon so I took ds (22 months) to the park. Please give me some suggestions of how I could've handled him better:

he wants a go on a child's scooter
me: no, that's not your scooter. Lets have a go on the car (distract distract to no avail)
ds: lays on mud, face down screaming
me: lets go and see the birds (and more distraction) then pick him up and carry him screaming to the bird cages.

ds: gets a grip and enjoys looking at birds
me: ooh look ds a doggy
ds: lays on mud and screams
me: had enough, feel like crying, tell him we're going home and carry him kicking and screaming to the car.

I know this isn't really terrible behaviour but these strops are increasing in frequency and clearly my methods aren't working. Any advice gratefully receieved.

I think you handled the scooter thing fine. Why did he get upset about the dog?

It sounds like you are handling it well. Lots of children that age have tantrums and it takes them a while to learn that there are better ways of getting what they want.

Also i remember dd being a very determind tantrumer and while we could often distract her briefly she would then go back to screaming. I don't think she even remembered why she was cross 1/2 the time

i think you did fine too but i also know how you feel but as my mom said you will always feel bad, guilty, wrong, anything BUT right !

I probably wouldn't have done anything different - ds is 24mths and has been tantruming for what seems like forever. I generally just completely ignore him, he often just does it for attention.

I think he thought when I turned him around to look at the dog I was trying to take him away from the birds. I thought that by never giving in when he strops and by trying to distract him out of them it would pay off but like I say he seems to be doing it more often.
I'm 29 weeks pg too so feel like I'm on a time limit to try to find ways of dealing with strops before the baby comes.

well... save lying on the mud and screaming yourself (call it distraction!) what else could you do?

i think you did what everyone would have done.

if you really want to try something different try just walking away (safely obviously) and letting him thrash it out. although this does take a brave mum to do this in public!

I do think I should try harder to ignore it too but when your child is face down in the mud in public it's bloody hard to appear nonchalent

oops cross posts lotty

sorry - laying

you can always pretend he's not yours (not that I've EVER done that obviously!)

You need a sign on your head saying "I am deliberately ignoring my child as a tactic to combat these tantrums, don't you dare judge me".

Apart from that, I think you did well

It will get better - apparently when they reach about 18 and leave home!

No seriously, it is worth sticking to you guns as he will eventually get the message. He could also be reacting to the new baby, just give him plenty of hugs when he is good

Don't worry about what other people think. Whatever you do someone will disapprove of it so just do what you think is best I know how hard this is as my ds is 7 and has sn and he still has fullblown tantrums now

Oh dear - that sounds familiar. I think you were in for a bad afternoon no matter what you did. My DS is just coming out of that stage (2.7), but would kick off every now and again - usually, hungry / tired / thirsty or just generally in the mood for a tantrum. I don't think you can do much, don't beat yourself up about it.

If my little one lies down in a tantrum, i just crouch down beside him and say really softly, when you are finished come give me a hug and we will do whatever, keep saying things like that,talk really quietly and he will have to pay attention, he comes round, gives me a hug, agrees he was being a silly sausage and off we go.

When i was about 2 I had a tantrum in the middle of the waiting room at the doctors surgery. My Mum had my sister in her arms as a little baby so couldn't manage me at the same time so she went out to put my sister in the car first (car just outside door) and an old lady ran out behind her saying " excuse me my dear but I think you've forgotten something

I know what you mean about being brave though! My ds played up at a restaurant recently so I took him outside for time out, I stood next to him but turned my back, he wailed and wailed and kicked the wall and everyone who walked past me shot me such a dirty look for 'ignoring him', I politely smiled at them - if anyone had have said anything I would have prob gestured for them to try and sort him out (I was feeling that way out)

Oh shoppingbags poor you. Pregnant too! You must be feeling pretty drained.

I think you handled it just fine. IME there's really not much you can do if a 22 month old is determined to have a paddy.

That said a friend of mine would have let him on the scooter. She won't even stop her children putting on other kids shoes at soft play areas because she is so fearful of a paddy. Her kids are really wild, naughty, undisciplined, violent and frankly, unhappy because they have no limits so no sense of security. They are also really hard to be around.

I digress. I just mean that tantrums are an inevitable part of learning for toddlers. Really hard on you. For me there comes a point where my own sanity is in need of preservation so I tuck the toddler under my arm and leave. Then, back at home, I will go to a different room until they're calmer or sometimes I'll just hug them if I'm not too exhausted and traumatised.

Poor you. It's utterly draining isn't it?

I would go for the ignoring tantrums too, i think the more attention they get the more they will do it. i cant see how you could have handled it any better this afternoon though, you did fab, distraction and be calm and thats all you can do x

thank you everyone. So if I keep doing more of the same he will hopefully get the message. Will try the quiet whispering thing tomorrow and see how that goes, haven't tried that. My bump and back were killing me as I carted him back to the car today, and I was furious until he started sobbing "see soon park, see soon slide" then all the fury disappeared.

shopping... oh god, that last bit brought tears to my eyes. they are little sods and little angels all at the same time arent they? [hug]

awww thats so sweet, there little voices do melt your heart, i find it hard to be cross when my little one looks at me with his cute little face hehe, but we must stay in charge lol!! x

toddlers are also amazing for that too driving you too distraction one minute then to absolute adoration the next oh we would'nt really want them any other way

he is generally rather lovely which makes me more determined to keep him like that. I think he's just at the age where he wants to test me, and bloody hell, is it testing or what?