Please help- losing the plot with 6.5 month dd

[thisisthelast]

Help! I am seriously running out of energy and patience with DD 2. She is nearly 7 months old and has always been a very difficult baby. She seems to be miserable most of the time. She hates being in the car, hates being in her pram. Basically, I'm house bound and I'm hating being a mother at the minute . Even when feeding she can be whimpering and grizzling. All I do is carry her around, I can't sit with her or she wriggles and cries. I know there are similar threads to this but I really need some tips or support. It is seriously coming between me and dp. We've had her checked at the doctors for reflux/ allergies. Took her to an osteopath. Nothing works and I'm so scared that it will always be this way.

I bet that when she can crawl she will cheer up. Some babies just want that independence. My ds went though a really difficult and whingy few months until he finally cracked crawling.

I do sympathise, it is so hard.

it wont always be like this my son who is now 5 was a very difficult baby all the things you said really, but once he started crawling and was able to get toys he wanted he wasnt so bad. Go to mums and baby groups your health vistitor will have alist of these. even if your baby crys the whole time you are there people wont mind and it really will help your baby is just frusted at being unable to do things you are a good parent.

I could have written this about DD at this stage. She was exactly as you describe and I was housebound and the one at the post-natal groups up and down like a yoyo. It turned out she was just really inquisitive about everything around her and almost hated being a "baby" if that makes sense. Things started to improve dramatically when she could move around and fetch things/occupy herself although she is still v strong willed and bored easily.

Alternatively you say she has had a thorough health check hmm. What kind of milk is she drinking? - we found switching to Goats milk helped DD (obviously if you are BF not the case..)How is she when you go for walks - does that calm her down? When does she seem most settled?

She is formula fed now but until 3 months she was breast fed. However, I do have my suspisions about dairy intolerance although she is thriving. She has lots of dry skin and still possets a lot. The doctor has ruled this out but I'm not sure. Where do you get goats milk from? Is it normal goats milk or special goats milk formula?

She is just generally a grumpy gus all day. A nightmare to get to nap. She's not too bad when being carried out side or when I carry her around the house pointing at thing and saying the name of whatever I point at! Very tiring and not particularly enjoyable for anyone else but her! I can't take her to see my relatives or friends, she cries and cries. She seems very over sensitive and the slightest thing (or nothing!) can set her off.

Oh sorry, I missed your last question! She pretty awful on walks if she's in the pram or buggy. Screams til she's carried! I have a sling for her but she likes to face different directions frequently so have to keep her in my arms and keep puutling her facing forwards, then backwards over my shoulder, then forwards, then bloody backwards again. I'm shattered just writing about it!

You have my sympathy. It sucks and it's exhausting when you've got a grotbags baby. However, there could be a link between the not napping very well and the grumpiness. My 7month DD2 is about 100 times more grotty (than her usual grotty mcgrotness) if she's tired. So it might be worth concentrating on sorting those naps out to see if it improves things. At the moment, she seems to be in a pattern of about an hour between 10-11 and another hour to 1.5 hours between 2-4pm. Where does your DD sleep best - cot or pram? Whichever it is, make sure she gets a couple of fairly decent naps a day even if it means going out for a 45 minute walk twice a day. If she sleeps best in the cot, try and structure your day so you're at home at nap times.

My DD2 is improving slowly - especially now she is nearly sitting. I seem to remember DD1 improving massively at about 9 months... so not long until you start to see some changes for the better hopefully.

I also fully sympathise with what you say about it coming between you and your DP. Can you get someone to sit for you so you can have a bit of time to talk things through?

Sorry, crossed with you about the buggy. What kind of sling do you have? I use a fleece pouch sling with mine and it's brilliant because it;s so easy to get her in and out of (she hates all the fuss and palaver of straps etc.) and you can pull it up really snug and cosy around the baby and it makes it lovely and dark inside so she can drop off quite easily.

I have a pouch one too as dd hated the being strapped into the baby hawk one. She hates being strapped into anything- high chair, car seat, buggy! Doesn't like being tied down and restricted! Honestly, I really hate getting up in the mornings with her, I seem to be counting down til her bed time at 7pm just to get a rest from her. Does that sound as bad as I feel for writing it?!

Doesn't sound bad at all, you just sound knackered.

We have all felt the same at some point!

Any chance of a day off at all

You really need a break by the sound of it.

I littrally have to pin her to me when she naps, other wise she won't sleep. Tried her in her cot, pushchair, car. Just have to cuddle her (which she hates) til she drops off. She wakesup as grumpy as she went to sleep, even after an hour or 2 hour nap. I don't get where I'm going wrong. DD1 was a breeze at this age (although has more than made up for it in the years since!)

That sounds good constance, are you offering to babysit?!! LOL [GRIN]. I know it's my fault but I daren't leave her with anyone because I'm scared they'll loose their patience with her. I find my nerves getting frayed and I'm her mother.I love her and would never hurt her but I dread to think how anyone else would cope with her grottiness! I'm always scared they'll think I must be doing something wrong to have such an awfully unsettled baby.

Well, you'd probably find that her crying wouldn't bother whoever looked after her too much, because they would know that they were handing her back to you in a couple of hours A fresh pair of hands and all that... Could be worth a try anyway.

I didn't realise she was your DD2... it's doubly hard when you're trying to do stuff for the elder DD isn't it... and they want to cuddle their little sister but can't because every time you try the baby cries even more .

We'll get through it in the end. But I know what you mean. Sometimes it's a long way til bedtime.

It's exhausting. DD1 is very strong willed but as a baby was an angel! She rarely cried and slept through at 8 weeks, crawled at 6 months, walked at 13 months (this is when the trouble and the tantrums began!). I can't help but feel that DD2 is a bit of a disappointment to us. I know that must sound terrible but honestly, she is so different to anyone elses baby that it's alarming!

Bodkin, Exactly right DD1 always wants to hold DD2 but DD2 is such a fussy thing that she yells and wriggles and DD1 ends up crying aswell! It's horrendous at the minute. Was your DD1 the same then? I really don't know how (or why!!!) you have another one. You are obviously very strong! I really don't think I can face having more children after DD2, my confidence has been severely knocked! Thank God DD1 was so easy or else she may have been an only child.

I've seen this link given on previous threads when posters have described their babies as different from everyone else's - Dr Sears on high needs babies. Just thought it may ring some bells with you.

I too wonder if there is a link to lack of sleep - always guaranteed to make a baby miserable, not to mention a mum! Have you tried swaddling? I know she's a bit old now, but I did it with my ds, who hated sleeping in the day, but was just as you describe. I used to wrap him up really tightly and then hold him, a bit of a 'i'm winning this battle buddy, no matter how much you protest!' (he too seemed very sensitive, but gradually realised he was massively overstimulated and just plain knackered.) But within a few days he had settled into napping, only in my arms for about a week or so, but gradually I was able to put him down. The final key was realising that he needed to nap about 9am, having woken around 6 to 7am. It seemed really soon after having slept for hours at night, but this morning nap transformed him. It took perseverance, but within a few weeks he was sleeping for a couple of hours in the morning and again in the afternoon, and was an unbelievably happy chappy in between. hth

Gosh she sounds like my DD you have BIG sympathy from me - "nanny care" goats milk really helped with her, I don't have much time now but will post tomorrow.

Good luck xx

Ah, well, it did take me 3 and a half years to even consider having another.... everyone said it would be so different this time around... ermm.....

But at least I know there is an end in sight this time, whereas with DD1 I thought she'd always be a miserable child. In fact, she is the most sunny, delicious, funny, clever little soul. And as a toddler, while she had her moments, I saw other mums who had the placid smiley little babies having a far worse time of it, so it is all swings and roundabouts. Plus she (eventually) was quite a good sleeper at nights, potty trained easily, not fussy with food (well, she is a bit now, but that's 4 year olds for you).

Agree with Cubby about the morning nap being needed not that long after wake-up. My DD2 is only just now managing to make it to 10am and get by on 2 naps a day. Up until a few weeks ago it was a 9am nap and generally 3 naps a day.

Sorry, 2 and a half year to consider having another (but I knew there would be about a 3.5 year gap between them)

Well, I'm not sure I cold go through this again! Sorry you've had to do it twice but at least you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I never struggled like this with dd1. Everything was absolutely textbook with her. She just seemed to 'fit in' right away. DD2 is a totally different story! I love her dearly but I am exhausted and confused all the time!

It doesn't seem to matter what time she naps. She gets up at 6am, I pin her down and cuddle her to sleep about 8- 8:30am ish as she is clearly tired. She can nap for an hour and half and still wake up crying and cranky. She will not sit, she constantly wriggles and grumbles til I pick her up and stand. Is yours like that Bodkin? She seems to like looking at herself and me in the mirror and is constantly reaching out for things as we go through the house. Even the light switches or dead leaves on a plant fascinate her. Maybe it will all get better when she can reach more and do more on her own but right now that feels a very long way away!

I have often worried that maybe she has somekind of sensitivity disorder or some deverlopmental issue that everyone is missing! How can such a loved little girl be so damn miserable?

Thanks for the support though. Good to know I'm not alone.

You may have hit the nail on the head - it doesn't always follow, but my ds (dc1) was a very over-sensitive, hard to please baby - and he is an angel toddler. He got a bit better when he could sit up, dramatically better when he crawled, and around 14 months when he was walking well he became delightful. DC2 is a delightful baby - so I'm terrified she's going to be a hellish toddler!
Have you taken her swimming? Although he screamed getting changed, my ds loved the freedom of being in the water and being able to move for himself, and I found it gave us really good bonding time. He also loved nappy off time before his bath.
Some babies are more sensitive to their surroundings. As someone said, it's almost like they don't like being babies. But it doesn't last very long really. It will get better!

Yes - ds used to wake up crying every time. DD wakes up and coos in her cot for a while, which amazes us. We lie in bed with the monitor on saying 'will you LISTEN to her?!' I suppose it's lucky we had them that way around.

Also, there's a 5.5 year gap between my sister (DC2) and brother (DC3) because my sister was so awful - so my parents clearly got over it enough to have a third!

I used to ahve a mindee like that. he came to me about 4/5 months old and criedscreamed constantly. All the other parents nicknamed him "the screamer". it wasn't just crying but full on screaming,m y neighoburs once knocked on the door to see if I was ok, as he had been screaming for about 15 minutes constantly(all i was doing was sitting ont eh floor reading to the others, but because I wasn't rocking him at the same time he was screaming). The only thing that stopped him was being rocked in his car seat or pushed in the pram. He never, ever slept when with me, and I had him 10 hours a day. I think this was the root of his crying, he was woken by his mum at 6am, so he could be at me for 7am, then picked up at 5pm, she would keep him up till gone 10 some nights so she could spend time with him. it was very very tiring. If I stopped pushing the pram, for example to cross a road, he would scream, then stop when I pushed it across the road, then start again when I stopped to get the buggy up the kerb. If I rocking the car seat he would scream. Then one day he discovered that he could sit up by himself,a nd he changed, less screaming, happier baby

What is she like when you put things in front of her to play with (can she sit anaided?). What about when you put things in front of her that aren't 'baby toys' but objects that she can see around the house (obviously safe ones!) Is she happier then?

The only way I could get dd2 to sleep was to put her in the car seat (I kept the rear facing one in the house when she went to the bigger one, but could still sit in it) and plonk her in front of the tv (waiting for outcry!) but after a few minutes she would drop off, it wasn't ideal that she slept in the seat (waiting for bad for back stats) but it was the only way she would sleep at all, and she was tired, so was I.