Please help- losing the plot with 6.5 month dd

[thisisthelast]

Help! I am seriously running out of energy and patience with DD 2. She is nearly 7 months old and has always been a very difficult baby. She seems to be miserable most of the time. She hates being in the car, hates being in her pram. Basically, I'm house bound and I'm hating being a mother at the minute . Even when feeding she can be whimpering and grizzling. All I do is carry her around, I can't sit with her or she wriggles and cries. I know there are similar threads to this but I really need some tips or support. It is seriously coming between me and dp. We've had her checked at the doctors for reflux/ allergies. Took her to an osteopath. Nothing works and I'm so scared that it will always be this way.

this is a horrible age. i really really really struggled with both mine until about 9 months old. just keep on thinking this is a phase. when she can move i bet things will change. just hang in there. take one day at a time and do WHATEVER ittakes to get some respite and some sanity. i promise the phase will end even if it feels like it wont. i was assured this on mn a few months ago and everyone was right. i feel like a new woman. it is SOOOO tough. but it will get better.

If you look at the pics on my profile, you'll see my DD standing up at the sofa. this is one of the few things that makes her really smile, so i definitely see that some of her grottiness is frustration at her inability to just get on and DO stuff. Yours sounds similarly frustrated, like she needs constantly changing scenery. I think I'm about a month ahead of you, DD was born 9th July, and she is starting to get easier the last couple of weeks - i really feel that you'll see improvement soon.

She will NOT always be this way, guaranteed! Life can be very frustrating for babies when they can't yet do what they want, and by extension frustrating for their parents... As as she starts talking, you'll forget this time. However, crying will not harm her. You can just strap her into her buggy and go for a walk, ignoring her cries of protest. Try to keep up a stream of upbeat commentary (Oooh, a dog), go to see the ducks at the park etc... Eventually she will start listening to you more and taking an interest in what you are showing her.

Do whatever makes her giggle! Even if it involves putting pants on your head and blowing raspberries. The healing power of a baby's laugh on their frazzled parent cannot be overestimated. Also: try to get out weekly for some time to yourself (easier said than done, but also of tremendous value) doing whatever YOU fancy. You are living at the whim of your grizzlepants at the moment, and that is not good for you.

DD2 was born on 5th August so you (bodkin) are about a month ahead. Your little girl is such a pretty baby, I can't believe she can stand so well! Thsnks everyone for the kind words. I really needed to know I wasn't on my own. My friends babies are such little darlings and i'm green with envy! Perhaps it will be that dd2 will get easier as all the little placid angels just start to get worse. It might sound selfish but I hope that's the case! Thanks. Had a grotty day today, so many tears, me and dd2!

My ds2 but dc3 was very difficult, cried all the time, was so miserable and so difficult, I thought I was going to go mad. Once he could do things on his own, aged oneish his personality changed. Aged 7 he is a delight, a joy to the family and a quick witted cheeky little monster. I think as a baby he was just very frustrated. Good luck, I do feel for you and hope your Dd feels happy soon.

In the same boat as you thisisthelast! I think you posted on a thread I started about my terrible six month old. The good news is that it will get better. DS has had 4 consecutive days where I haven't wanted to cry or had to leave the room to stop myself from shouting at him. I know things still aren't great, compared to other people's babies, he's still a nightmare. I'm not sure if he's improving or maybe talking on mumsnet has allowed me to cope a bit better. Either way, our babies are around the same age and so many people have said the same thing about when they get mobile. A change for the better is surely not far off now. We've both handled over SIX MONTHS of this, we can cope with a couple more. It's bloody miserable and lonely but we'll get there. Good luck and please know that things won't stay like this. Just a week ago I thought I was going to loose my mind and just tiny little changes can make the world of difference. Remember to take care of yourself too.

OK, not sure if this should be a new thread but everyone keeps reassurring me how dd2 will improve when she is mobile. However, she is so crabby, she has little paitence for things. It just feels like she will always be this way and I'm terrified! I know babies are all different and they all develop at their own rate but is there anyway I can encourage crwling. She just doesn't seem interested at the moment. DD1 just did it one day when I wasn't expecting it and she was away! I have tried crawling aroung with her????!!! Putting toys just out of her reach but she just gets angry. I feel like I should be doing more to help her get over her miserable stage but really am at a loss. It's so distressing to see her so sad most of the day. She loves going swimming as I think she likes the feeling of freedom and kicking about in the water. I don't want to rush her but I don't know how much more I can take!!

My 5 month old is very similar- always grumpy, cries all the time, won't play with toys, wants to be carried around constantly. And wakes 5-6 times a night... I have just returned from yet another meeting of my NCT group full of smiley rolling playing babies- yet again I end up jiggling her around for a few hours then leaving feeling completely inadequate. I so WANT to enjoy being a mum- I just keep (selfishly) thinking that it just wasn't meant to be like this. I cannot imagine how she is going to develop at all- she will not lie on the floor for more than 5 minutes without whingeing and is showing no interest at all in rolling.

liv01, it's awful isn't it! Especially when you see how other babies are so content to just sit in a highchair or just look around in their prams! Will your little girl go in her push chair ok or do you have to carry her every where too? I find that after 10 minutes of being in the buggy, I end up having to pick dd up and walk with her and struggle with the buggy too. I've now just given in and rely mainly on the sling. Having said that, I've just got back from town and dd became a bit whingey in the sling too but I thnk she was tired. How does she nap? I have a nightmare to get dd to sleep in the day, the poor neighbours must think I'm trying to kill her the way she screams, all because I'm cuddling her and won't stand and walk with her! Can you sit with your dd, mine has to be constantly on the move and up at adult level. I think she hates being a baby and it sounds as if yours is the same. What a shame that you feel the same as me. I worry about development too, she shows no interest in crawling and gets so crabby after 3 or 4 minutes on the floor. It's exhausting and I can't see the light at the end of it yet. People keep assuring me that it will get better and we both have to believe that! Sorry I can't help but I'm pleased that you know you're not alone. Please keep in touch and let me know if you have any break throughs! I hope you have lots of help and that you look after yourself too. Thank you so much for posting and please don't feel inadequate. We just have the sort of babies that make us feel crap! I think you're really brave for going to NCT groups, I daren't take dd anywhere like that but I think maybe I should. It might do us good, although I have a feeling I'd leave feeling inadequate and isolated too

If it's any consolation (which I know it's not!) I'm having ANOTHER day from hell with ds. I swear, if this kid doesn't crawl soon I'm gonna make him a customised baby skate board for him to lay on and brum himself around!! Hows your dd doing?

Well, I've had a truly horrific day with dd2. I haven't even been able to grab something to eat. She seems constantly irritable and it just fels like there is no end to this. 7 months in and I still feel like crying most days. I really find myself questioning her mentality (and mine!). She is so grumpy all the bloody time and it's making us all so unhappy. It's so isolating and lonely. No one seems to understand and I'm too tired to try and explain how shit my life has become. DP doexn't really understand why I feel so down about it. He gets to go to work everyday which he complains about but I am so jelous that he has a life outside of this bloody house and away from all the crying. Am I doomed to feel this way forever? She is no where near crawling and shows little interest in sitting for any length of time even though she has been able to sit unaided for about 5 weeks. I'm fed up, sorry to rant!

You poor thing, sorry to hear it is still awful. I have a DD who is slightly older (13th July) and she has been a bit of a pain recently because she seems to have had a permanent cold for the last six weeks although it has taken me a while to work this out .

I can't think of anything to suggest about whether she will get better but just to wish you luck and see if there is any way you can get out of the house and go to see people every day even if your DD is howling. Tea and cake can only be good!

Don't worry, we DO understand what you're going through. I know what you mean, with DD1 when I was really struggling about the 6/7 month mark, I found people saying "oh she won't be like that forever" didn't help, it just kind of trivialised the personal hell that I was going through. But then, I probably said the very same to you in one of my earlier posts, so it is easily done!

I'm trying ot think of other constructive things I can suggest to help you that made a difference to us....

Dummy? have you tried her with a dummy? It might take a bit of perseverence at this age, but if you keep at it, you might find you can buy a bit of peace while she investigates it if nothing else. We've not had much luck with DD2 and the dummy, although we did manage to persuade her to have 10 minutes on it when she was screaming in the car the other day and she does quite like just looking at it and chewing it.

Snacks? DD2 can be kept amused for a little while if I give her a piece of dried apricot to chew on (the pre-soaked squidgy ones, not the leathery ones)

Standing - does she like to stand? Is she always pushing up on her legs? lean her against the sofa for a bit, if she's happy to do that. Obviously if she is howling then she's not keen on that!

Music - I have danced around the living room to 9-5 by Dolly Parton more times than I like to mention to cheer DD2 (and myself) up. It doesn't ahve to be Dolly, obviously, but it does need to be cheesy and uplifting for maximum relief from the drudgery of babydom.

Naps - you say you have a hard time getting her to nap. Have you tried putting her in the cot, giving her a gentle stroke and then just leaving her? My DD2 goes through what we call the "Superwobble" if she's overtired and you think her head is going to explode, but after a couple of minutes she conks out. It is far quicker and involves a lot less screaming that rocking and singing to her. Some babies need to cry down in order to get themselves off to sleep.

Sorry if you've tried all these before. But you sound like you;re really having a hard time and hope there is something there that might help. Keep posting and ranting anyway, its good to let off steam

Sorry for your awful day thisisthelast.

I think they should start baby groups just for grumpy babies, like Gymboree only Grumporee. We could all jiggle around near the door not drinking coffee and not finishing conversations and all feeling shitty!

Have you tried her in a back pack? I put my grumpy ds2 5months in one and ironed one whole shirt today. It was a great moment.

I know you said the doc tested for reflux but it might be worth getting this reviewed, even trying some medication to see if it helps. the early months with my DS were much like this. he cried all the time and I would dread taking him out because of this. Most of my day was spent trying to pacify him. At 3 months he hadnt even smiled yet and the HV said she thought he was just a 'difficult' baby. After some reading I took him to the Drs and he was started on Ranitidine. He was a different baby almost overnight, suddenly happy and smiling. It makes me feel so guilty that I didnt pick this up before as he must have been in so much pain. It might be worth trying just to see.

Hi thisisthelast - sorry you're still having a rubbish time with your dd.
I was thinking about what I'd do if my dd becomes a nightmare in this way (she's 5mo, but heading the way of yours - I'm very scared). What I do is try and plan something for each day.
So one day you could take her swimming - you said she liked that. Do you have a backpack so she can look all around her? You could take her somewhere busy like a shopping centre where there's lots to see and if she screams you can quickly hop in the car and take her home. What about toddler groups? Watching toddlers tear around entertains my lo, and if she screams no-one cares because toddlers scream louder.
The other thing I do is go out in the car to get her to sleep, and I listen to the radio (go out at 10am - Woman's Hour on Radio 4 is really good).
People keep saying it because it's true - it WILL get better...

Bodkin - your dd is GORGEOUS!! (Mine looks like Phil Collins...)

Hahaha, mine looks like Phil Mitchell! Anyway, very good suggestions and support from you all as usual! I know I must sound like such a miserable cow but I'm not normally like this I promise! It's just so hard to see someone you love so upset and irritable for seemingly no reason. It just kind of makes you think that she feels unloved or generally unhappy about life which is so sad.

She loves swimming but that only lasts for an hour a week and I find the rest of the time dragging so much. It's hard! I think I will take her swimming more often just to get out and enjoy a bit of time with her.

It broke my heart yesterday as dd1 kept looking very concerned everytime dd2 screamed and eventually just said "she's always mardy isn't she mummy?". I burst into tears and feel so sorry for both my girls. It's so hard for dd1 who we spend plenty of one on one time with but even she gets frustrated and upset by all the crying.

The problem with going places more is that she grizzles and moans in the car too so there is no respite really. Just going in her buggy or being put in the sling can make her melt down.

Clazz- I am thinking of changing dds doctors this week as mine don't seem to look into anything very seriously. They seem to think that if she is gaining weight and not throwing up more than half of her formula then it can't be refux or milk intolerance. I'm not sure if this is true but maybe someone could advise me!

Thanks for allthe posts, I'm sorry to depress you all! Bodkin I really don't know how you manage to be so upbeat but I am very gtrateful that you take the time to reply to me!

Hi thisisthelast - so sorry you are having such a hard time with your DD. Not sure if this has been mentioned but has she always been on the same milk since she has been born? If so, would you consider changing her formula (apologies if she is BF) and see if that helps. For her to be so grumpy, I would wonder whether she did have any allergies. Maybe worth paying private (if you can afford it) to have some tests carried out.

Good luck anyway and I really feel for you, my DD1 was hard work (not quite as much as yours) and it is very trying.

at the Phil Collins / Phil Mitchell lookalikes! I thought DD was the spitting image of Del Boy when she was first born!

I am able to be upbeat, because as I said before, things are starting to improve, and having had one nightmare DD, I do know there is light at the end of the tunnel. But between 3-6 months were dark days indeed. There were days where I have literally banged my head against a wall. I don't know why, but persistant crying can make you feel pretty mentally unstable. Sanity does return when the crying stops though, luckily enough.

I think getting a second opinion is a good idea - it sounds like you think there may be medical reason for the crying, so it would be good to either rule it out or get a diagnosis.