how much to say about periods to 3 year olds?

[time4tea]

hello

a friend and I were out with our DS and DD both nearly 4, and one asked about a tampon dispenser in the ladies loos. we said it was a machine for "special tissues" of course they wanted some then and I said they weren't needed, we had some ordinary tissues and left it at that.... this got us wondering when and how much to say about periods to small children.

any experiences? learning about the whole thing came as a big shock to me when I was about 9 and in all mentions I heard on telly (Grange Hill - "the curse" being particularly grim) it was treated as scary/bloody/painful/not something to talk about, my mum was so quiet about it I ended up being really frightened about the whole thing.

so a fair amount of openness seems important. but what info, when?

I am finding this thread really helpful, especially PandaG's advice on how to answer some of the questions. (and suggestions from other posters too)

dd1 (4 years) asked this morning how dd2 had got out of my tummy, and I said "down here" and pointed - she understood. In the past she had been content with the explanation that mummy had been to the hospital and pushed the baby out but she needed to know where from. I am very keen to try and be truthful so it is not made a big deal.

I was brought up by my dad who was very odd and mad me feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed about periods. I saw my mum occasionally and she didn't handle it well either. So I am determined that my dds won't feel the same way.

I'd like to say thanks to the mums on here who can help those of us (like me) who aren't fortunate enough to be able to follow our own mum's example.

I am finding this thread really helpful, especially PandaG's advice on how to answer some of the questions. (and suggestions from other posters too)

dd1 (4 years) asked this morning how dd2 had got out of my tummy, and I said "down here" and pointed - she understood. In the past she had been content with the explanation that mummy had been to the hospital and pushed the baby out but she needed to know where from. I am very keen to try and be truthful so it is not made a big deal.

I was brought up by my dad who was very odd and mad me feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed about periods. I saw my mum occasionally and she didn't handle it well either. So I am determined that my dds won't feel the same way.

I'd like to say thanks to the mums on here who can help those of us (like me) who aren't fortunate enough to be able to follow our own mum's example.

My mum makes me laugh - she told me recently that she had had to learn everything for herself from women's magazines, whereas I, she implied, had had the benefit of her lucid and timely explanations. Er, NOT. I was 11 before I even knew periods existed and I everything I know about sex I got from the copies of Cosmo that got surruptitiously passed around my boarding school dormitory.

glad to be of help

the best question I had to deal with was DS (8) who recently asked 'why are you so sure you are not going to have another baby?'

explained a vasectomy to him in simple terms, asked DH if I had handled it well, who said if I had been you I'd have said it was bedtime!

My best question was similar PandaG, but I didn't handle it as well as you. I fobbed DD2 off with I'm too old to have another baby, to which she immediately replied 'Well then, why are you still having periods?'
She was seven at the time.

Just be honest, teel her the truth (obviously simplify it and don't tell her that every month it feels like your insides are going to fall out!). My mum was always really honest with us and then it was never a big deal. I never remember not knowing about periods and sex. It's natural and I really don't believe it should be a taboo subject. Loads of my friends had no idea about periods so when they started, they thought they were dying or something. Much better to be open from the start and just drip feed themore technical stuff as needed when older! She'll be able to process it a lot easier than someone who has no understanding of the basics.

My DD is too young to ask questions but was very interested when I had a couple of periods and used a mooncup. She went though a phrase of trying to stick various stuff up her bits. I'll answer future questions as they come up.

I answered all questions honestly as they arose. If they were to ask about a tampon machine in the ladies', I would take that as an opportunity to mention that women bleed every month but it is healthy and normal - just needs dealing with for the sake of keeping clean. I wouldn't go into the reasons for the bleed unless they ask.

If you give too much information they can't take it in and instantly forget. If you fob them off with ridiculous lies they remember, and lose respect and trust for you, imo. They may forget even if they understand at the time, so don't be surprised if they ask for the same explanation several times.

What about if they ask about the condom machine, Elasticwoman. Or, as my DD once did, much to the amusement of the other people in the ladies at the time, insist that it must be a sweetie machine.
No, darling, it is not a sweetie machine.
But Mummy, look, it SAYS fruit flavoured.
Cue much sniggering from total strangers as I attempt to explain condoms to a six-year-old.

I'd say it's a bit complicated, I'll tell you about it later. And I would.

this is all great. thanks. of course it is only right to be up-front and honest, but I was afraid of confusing with him with too much information/or DS getting a bit frightened through the association of blood with people getting cut and hurting themselves.

but I now have great tips

thanks again

not read all posts but dd (now 10) was told from a young age that mummys sometimes have 'pink wee' and that it means our bodies are able to have babies in them. She never questioned it and still to this day accepts totally that girls/women do this (though now she knows they are called periods and also knows that it is not wee but comes from where a baby comes from (she has a little brother of 17mths now ).Totally accepting of everything with no major deal made of it and no embarrassed explanations from me!

My 2.9 DD thinks I wear nappies! She also calls her bits her front bot bot. I don't think there is anything wrong with euphemisms, they're cute.