Does 'separation anxiety' crying do damage?

[Dragthing]

We're lucky enough to be going skiing soon and childcare is provided in the chalet. However between booking and now, DD (8 months) has become v clingy and cries if I'm out of sight, ramping up to furious screams if I am away from her for more than a couple of minutes. She's OK with DH but not with anyone else. We're resigning ourselves to taking it in turns to babysit while the other skis, but friends are encouraging us to leave her in the chalet saying she'll be OK after the first outburst, as the carer distracts her. I know she'll cry a lot - she ends up really sobbing like her heart is breaking - and it breaks mine! Does this level of distress do her harm???

Am going to have to face this in June when I go back to work, but not sure I can put her thru the upset just so me and DH can have fun on the slopes...

it's weird.

in societies around the world the extended family is the norm. and parents are not constantly with babies as they have very known to the baby others (aunts, cousins, grandparents) that they can leave them with.

in upper class england the same applies by virtue of the nanny that has been a consistent caregiver since birth.

it's your modern day middle class mum that is f*cked as she relies on non-consistent childcare.

and you know what? bowlby was right, your retired child psychologist who thinks your EIGHT MONTH OLD has the 'upper hand' is wrong wrong wrong.

can't you leave her with someone that she knows? knows the smell of and look of and sound of? is that possibility?

Hi Emmma, yup, am a TCS mum. Not perfect though and fail daily (have to give dd2 meds she hates but she's 2 young/brain injured to understand why she needs them )
Which is why I wouldn't leave a child who didn't want me too.

but lucicle, isn't development partly bio-psycho-genetic-type readiness and partly opportunity - of course a child has to be 'ready', but that doesn't mean they automatically develop that skill when they are ready to, or that they acquire it as quickly as they are capable of acquiring it..
(like, we all know the value of playing with our babies to help them develop their motor skills, say)(as well as it being lovely and enjoyable of course )

Aren't developmental stages like windows? - if the window is open, you CAN help your child to acquire the skill.

Unless a child has had a very scary experience, IMO, once they start to become aware that they are seperate from mum, they can also begin to develop a sense that being apart from mum doesn't necessarily mean danger.

I agree that the skiing trip isn't necessarily the right time (unless they have plenty of time to work up to it beforehand and baby dragthing is ok with gradually spending more time with other caring people before they go.)

but lucicle, isn't development partly bio-psycho-genetic-type readiness and partly opportunity - of course a child has to be 'ready', but that doesn't mean they automatically develop that skill when they are ready to, or that they acquire it as quickly as they are capable of acquiring it..
(like, we all know the value of playing with our babies to help them develop their motor skills, say)(as well as it being lovely and enjoyable of course )

Aren't developmental stages like windows? - if the window is open, you CAN help your child to acquire the skill.

Unless a child has had a very scary experience, IMO, once they start to become aware that they are seperate from mum, they can also begin to develop a sense that being apart from mum doesn't necessarily mean danger.

I agree that the skiing trip isn't necessarily the right time (unless they have plenty of time to work up to it beforehand and baby dragthing is ok with gradually spending more time with other caring people before they go.)

argh sorry about double posting, computer froze and I panicked

Hey nmc we're in the same area of the country... (I just stalked you and looked at your profile). I'd love to be in touch - let's go to the local mumsnet forum down at the bottom of the page... (I don't have that CAT thingy, and I don't want to put my email address out here in public)

Yes, I think you're right, Spink. I just meant that if the child isn't ready then no amount of trying will make him or her ready (see also, potty training, going to sleep on their own, feeding themselves etc etc etc).

I think you just need to see how your DD is when you get there. A few mins crying is to be expected but any more might mean you need to do shifts.

We went skiing when DD was 14mo, and although she'd been in nursery since 6mo, she was upset when we left her, but stopped crying as soon as we were out of sight. But then she got sick so we ended up missing some skiing anyway! You just need to wait and see, but i agree in getting your DD used to you not always being around, by gradually lengthening the time you are away.

My DS is 8mo and i started him at nursery in jan even though i'm not back at work til next week as i was aware 8mo is a time separation anxiety can start.