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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Disgusting talk in four year old boy

36 replies

PupandHat · 13/02/2008 09:21

My DS1, aged four, has recently progressed from toilet talk to some really awful talk about body parts. I won't go into details. I probably sound very prudish. I had a brother close in age so I do realise that boys can be like this, but is four very early? Where do they get this stuff. He isn't allowed watch unsuitable tv. He does go to creche and his dad makes bottom jokes but it seems to be getting a bit far. Anyone else have this problem and how should I handle it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

morningpaper · 13/02/2008 09:22

It's hard to answer whether 'anyone else has the problem' if you 'won't go into details'.

OverMyDeadBody · 13/02/2008 09:23

Can't really give any advice without knowing what it is he's saying.

My DS is nearly 5 and doesn't talk about lavatorial stuff or anthing disgusting for that matter, apart from the odd laugh about poo or farting.

lljkk · 13/02/2008 09:23

DS2 is 3 and sometimes runs around shouting "You poo-poo head!" -- picked up from his community preschool, I suppose. Is it much worse than that?

Original poster

PupandHat · 13/02/2008 09:25

Much worse. The worst has been putting a finger up his bum and pooing on it.

OP posts:

lljkk · 13/02/2008 09:27

...Oh, and all the children, if wrestling, tend to grope for private parts, in spite of me telling them off, telling them not to, telling them reasons not to, separating them when if I catch them at it, etc. It's partly because they're so little they still think it's just amusing to wind each other up that way, and they have no idea of sex or personal boundaries or any such.

I sometimes think it's good for DD to be growing up with brothers, she's never going to be in awe of willies, they are def. just silly funny boy bits in her eyes.

bozza · 13/02/2008 09:27

I would have thought that 4yos and lavatorial humour are fairly hand in glove.

The putting his finger up his bottom and pooing on it is outside my experience. Are you sure he actually did this or just said he did it?

morningpaper · 13/02/2008 09:28

He has done that, or made a joke about it?

Generally I think the best approach is to totally ignore it, or just to say "Don't talk like that" and then ignore it. If you act appalled he will get a kick out of getting your attention and keep doing it.

lljkk · 13/02/2008 09:29

Yick! Okay, that's a sanitation habit, though. It's fair enough to be curious about how his own body works, but having satisfied his curiousity once, time to move on.

bozza · 13/02/2008 09:32

TBH when DS and his friends were in that phase it was just utterly tedious. DS was actually fairly OK until he had a friend round and then it would just descend into all the poo poo head stuff.

Original poster

PupandHat · 13/02/2008 09:32

No, no he just said it. I certainly hope he hasn't been doing it!!! Aaahhhhh. To be quite honest I have been really upset because I am terrified there might be someone interfering with him. I don't know if I am being over the top. He is going through alot of rages as well but I know it is probably all four year old stuff.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 13/02/2008 09:35

Aw, have you any reason to suspect that?

I would think that your reaction is really what he is after.

4 year old boys seem to go through a rage-spurt.

bozza · 13/02/2008 09:35

I would have thought that it was all pretty normal really. How much time is he spending with other boys of a similar age? I think this is generally the chief source of this kind of thing.

GrinningSoul · 13/02/2008 09:37

my 4 yo dd is going through a rage-phase, and shouts things like I HATE YOU STUPID POO POO BUTT HEAD . I don't know where she's got the idea from, her big brother a bit but i do think it's a phase - your ds's is a slightly different expression of a similar urge i expect.

i tend to either not react, or laugh and say - when you feel the urge to shout STUPID, remember it's not kind and change it to ST....RAWBERRY or whatever - let her think up a funny alternative. It takes the edge of the nastiness and lets her get positive attention.

but when i'm frazzled i explode of course....

Original poster

PupandHat · 13/02/2008 09:41

No but he first said DS2 (aged 2) 'put his finger up my bum', then a week later he said his dad had. I don't know what to think. I didn't want to overreact and stop him talking so I have been trying to not put words into his mouth and suss it out. I explained to him the next day basically about good touch and bad touch (in his terms) and then the next day asked if anyone touched him in a way he was uncomfortable with and he looked blankely at me saying no. Unfortunately the words are there in my head now. If I get him examined by a gp or whoever and this is just childish stuff then my husband will be labeled for life. Fair enough if there is truth there. Guess I just have to keep digging.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 13/02/2008 09:45

I wouldn't panic, but I think you need to discuss it with someone for your own peace of mind at the very least. Do you have a sympathetic GP that you could talk to? Or do you get time to yourself where you could discuss it with someone over the phone? (the NSPCC have experienced people on their helplines)

Twiglett · 13/02/2008 09:50

There are very normal lavatorial humour signs in young children that include

poo
wee
poo-poo head
bum-bum
wee on your head
poo on your head
fart on you

etc

I think the 'finger up the bum and poo on it' is an imaginative leap from these and nothing to be worried about

I think if you are 'prudish' (which isn't an accusation) you will make it worse for you all.

I assume he is aware of biology .. "food goes in your mouth, into stomach, into intestines, all the goodness taken out, anything we don't need is pooed out the rectum" or however you approach it

you need to be matter-of-fact, slightly bored, sense of ennui to help it stop

occasional "that's enough of that", "that is inappropriate" "if I hear that again you'll be going to your room" won't hurt

if you react prudishly to it, it makes it more fun

Original poster

PupandHat · 13/02/2008 09:53

Thanks for that. He said something to my husband about kicking DS2 in the bum his morning and DH told him to stop the toilet talk and then it turned into 'bum, bum, bum bum....' all the way to creche!!

OP posts:

ZippiBabes · 13/02/2008 09:55

it sounds to me like quite normal talk

but if you have deeper concerns then you need to talk to someone

do you have a good relationship with your dh...can you talk to him

bozza · 13/02/2008 09:57

I agree with twig, I just think he is extending his repertoire as it were. Or he may have also picked it up from a friend. Although, personally, I was not slightly bored, but utterly bored to tears.

Twig is your DD as bad as your DS? DD is nowhere near as bad. She does laugh if somebody burps or farts in a rather unladylike way but she doesn't do the poo poo head stuff anywhere near as much as DS used to do. Thankfully.

Twiglett · 13/02/2008 09:59

ummmm .. she kind of is .. but she's a boy-girl

and she is a sponge for soaking up inappropriateness

imagine 3 year old singing

Happy birthday to you
'tick your head down the load
I know it's 'gusting
but it's healthy for you

and then peals of laughter

bozza · 13/02/2008 10:04

DD is utterly girly but she has two best friends, one with a brother the same age as DS and one with a younger sister. And you can really tell the difference between the two with big brothers and the one without.

And I did have to suggest to her that singing the Uncle Billy version of Jingle Bells at the Garden Centre the other Monday morning when we were the only customers under 65 was maybe not appropriate.... So some similarities I suppose.

bozza · 13/02/2008 10:05

Don't know what the was for.

Twiglett · 13/02/2008 10:06

ahh yes .. amazingly Uncle Billy is always sung at top of voice in public

both the motorway and the USA version

Kinderherzen · 13/02/2008 10:06

Sounds normal. My DS is 3.5 yo and delights in using words like that.

I explain to him that words like bum and poo are toilet words and that I do not want to hear them outside of the bathroom.

The finger in bum sounds like a progression of the normal language that little boys find funny.

bozza · 13/02/2008 10:06

I wouldn't mind so much if it was actually December...

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