Reachged the end of my tether with DS1. He is driving me NUTS. I have just really bawled him out. I am evil

[SheikYerbouti]

He is being so nasty to DS2. Always pulling on his hand (DS2 has loose fingers on one hand, so this is worrying - In fact there's no bone in one of his fingers, so it is very prone to injury)

He keep jumping on top of him, and won;t let him play with anything. There is also a lot to biting. I also gave them both a biscuit this afternoon - DS1 stole DS2's out of his hand

It's go to the point this fatrenoon where I have just screamed in his face I feel so shit. I am crying. I can't cope with DS1 at the best of times. He is on the go from 4am-8pm. I am shattered. He is not sleeping at night either - I have had hardly any sleep since Satriurday. DP is no help because "he works" even though I do FT hours as well

I feel ike I am at greaking point. I am on the verge of walking out of here tonoght because everyday is so fucking unpleasant

Oh yes, forgot to add that DS1 is 3.2 and DS2 18 months

3 is such a difficult age.

No advice but lots of sympathy.

Tbh, he has always been difficult. From the moment he was born. He did not sleep for a full year for more than an hour at a time. I shit you not.

DP has just come home and had a go at me for shouting at them

ditto the sympathy

so sorry to hear this

I'd get a nanny if I were you.

A nanny might be beyond your purse-strings, I dunno, but have you taken up the free nursery place? It might give you a bit of breathing space.

bobbysmum, I wish I could afford one. But I can't.

Yes, DS1 at nursery 3 mornings a week, but he is even mnore horrid when he comes home because he's knackered

Who looks after the kids while you work?

If your son doesn't sleep all night, are you sure he isn't sleeping all day?

They go to a CM for 10.5 hours a week. I work in the office 6.30am-11am 3 times a week. DP drops them off at CMs at 8. I do the rest of my hours in the evenings and at the weekend from home. I am withn the boys the rest of the time

And DS1 hardly ever naps in the day, and I run him ragged to wear him out, but it's obviously not working atm

bloody hell no wonder you are at the end of your tether. You are bending over backwards to be with your kids and to also do those hours....that doesn't sound sustainable to me you poor thing. You must be abso-bloody-lutely knackered.

I'm not saying you created this problem because obviously your ds has been a challenging one since he was born but I really DO think when you're so tired and get so little time for yourself, that it's so hard to climb out of the negative trap....3 year olds ARE bloomin difficult and you need to have spare capacity to deal with them.

I don't want to sound like Xenia here (as I am passionately pro parents bringing up their kids) BUT if you have to work, would it be financially possible to do some more hours in the day so that you at least get evenings and weekends to re-charge a bit?

And is it possible to make it crystal clear to your DP that he needs to shoulder his share of the burden.....you're not getting enough support, by the sounds of it.

Huge sympathy to you

I am tempted to suggest you pick one thing that is causing a problem and see if it helps. Your partner needs to get his act together too. If he has a problem that you shouted at the children, let him do it better!

Unfortunately it isn't - the childminder's hourly rate is the same as what I earn, so any hours I am in the office, I don't actually earn a penny, hence the reason why I work at home some of the time. Otherwise I'd do moe hours in the office like a shot

It won;t always be like this. I can so more sensible times when the boys are at school (only another 3 years to go - groan)

DP is normally very good - he's just being a cock at thge moment for some reason. He can be quite moody. I think he must be on his period or something

I am qyiuet used tonhim being a knob cheese. I take it im my stride

Message withdrawn

in that case Sheik I think it's time to draw to your DP's attention the fact that you are struggling with this arrangement and tell him exactly what he needs to do to help you....starting with not having a go at you for shouting

i guess knowing it isn't forever helps.....but school must seem a long way off for your little one.....

I think I need a holiday - but htre's not much chance of that, as I am currently truying to get my eom,ployesr toi give me the pay for the 25-30 hours I do a week (I normally do more than that) Tbey are saying that if I want to take holiday, I only get the stuff I am a contracted to do n(ie, office hours, which in my case is 13.5 hrs)) as the stuff I do at home is "variable"

I know thay are talking bullshite, I think nthey are tying to pull afast one, but I'm on to 'em

Anyway, as for DP, he is putting them to bed at the mo, as I think he thinks I would havce strangled them if they were left in my care much longer.

So, ewhat can I do about DS1's treatment of DS2. Poor DS2 is alwaus bruised and battered

When I say the pay, I mesan holiday pay. They do pay me for the hours I do. (I am not very eleoquent am i?)

3 is supposed to be a common time for sleep to go out the window. Can you get your DP to do the night wakings for a few nights (he amy already do this) so you can get some rest?

Sounds hellish . Sorry you're having such a bad day. No idea re DS1 and 2

You're knackered, Sheik. Eloquence can go out the window when you're knackered, so no worries. We're getting the picture.

There aren't any easy solutions are there? Just the passage of time. But for what it's worth, I have been guilty of what you describe, and I have only the one three year old to deal with. I know you feel bad, and I know it feels all hopeless at the moment, but tomorrow's another day, eh?

You know we're all here, so don't bottle it up.

Sympathy sheik - my two boys are two years apart and it is ummmmmm challenging at times. FWIW I think it't pretty common for the older boy to be rotten to the younger at this sort of age (I know of at least two other families with same sex/age difference combi and they're both struggling with it too).

What do you do with DS1 when he's being really rough with DS2 (ie deliberately hurting him, not just horseplay)?

More sympathy here. Similar age gap in this house and I found it so tiring I got ill, and that was without any other work on top of bringing up the children.

DS was at his most demanding/exhausing when 3. They know it is wrong to hurt siblings but don't have the self control to resist it.

DS isn't particularly difficult but I still found the only way to ensure he didn't hurt DD was to be present all the time or take one with me. Or stick the TV on as they would both be so engrossed.

You have to be incredibly patient repeating that hurting is wrong but it is unrealistic to expect them to stop instantly. So hard not to snap at the older one when you are short on sleep.

You need to find a way to get more rest so that you have the energy siblings this age require. Does your DS 2 have a regular nap? I used to put DD down and then have a nap myself while DS was watching a DVD. But perhaps your DS1 is too active to sit in front of a DVD for half an hour?

Sheik - my two are the same age, and it is such incredibly hard work (and I don't have a job [awe]). You really have my sympathy. DS is always getting pulverised by DD. My only consolation is that he's getting bigger and slightly more able to fend for himself.

Is DS1 eligible for free pre-school sessions yet? DD has just started preschool last week, even though she's unfunded til next term. It is a huge relief to have a few hours with just DS (especially as he has a nap at that time....yipppeee!). I also feel much much more tolerant of DD when I've had a few hours break.

God - that sounds awfully unloving. I adore her but she is just so full on.

OK I'm waffling now. I've been awake since 4.45am. I've given up wine on 'school-nights' fr Lent. Would it be unforgivably crap to crack this early on?

1)Don't try to make him nap - he's too old for this.

2. stairgate on his badroom door and a big bag of MegaBlocks or similar

3. Baby monitor in his room

4. one hour in his room after lunch. Time it, and unless he is upset don't go up to him for an hour. You have a cup of tea and a nice snack.

Three year old boys are hell on earth. I have complete empathy. I remember this.

Your discipline has to be absolute consistancy itself, and this is really hard to achieve, but the more you manage it, the esier it is. Sit down and write the rules and the appropriate discipline if they are broken - ie, attacking brother = 3 minutes in room and a stern lecture afterwards. This list is for you, to remind you that you are not powerless, you have methods and you can use them!