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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Who has a 3 year old who is NOT potty trained?

50 replies

eleusis · 11/02/2008 14:40

DS seems to hat the toilet. Won't sit on it. No interest at all.

He has however started coming up to me to announce "Mummy, I stinky" when he has pooed in his nappy (feel and learn pull ups).

Is there any hope that he will spontaneously train himself before we get on a plane to Chicago in April?

He will be 3 in May. (Jeez, where did the last 3 years go ?!?!)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

imaginaryfriend · 12/02/2008 11:23

Reallytired I think the key is to choose the moment when they are ready. If you start at 2 and it takes until 3 then they probably actually weren't ready until 3. I started with dd at 2 but she wasn't ready. 3 months later it was a doddle, I don't think she had a single accident. And she was dry at night 3 weeks later.

blueshoes · 12/02/2008 11:28

Agree with bozza to just start the training wtih ds. I trained dd at 2.7 not because she was showing any signs of readiness (she could not even say poo-poo nappy) but because ds was going to be born. Day-trained in 2 weeks and night trained in 3.

It will be a messy time and quite restrictive in terms of being able to go out. So doing it during hols, particularly summer, so he can run around nappyless, is good. All the best.

BTW, we went cold turkey.

HarrogateMum · 12/02/2008 11:29

me - DT1 is 3.3 and is having none of it. Have tried a couple of times but failed. DT2 was only done just before his third birthday but DT1 not interested in following suit........

NorthernLurker · 12/02/2008 11:32

dd1 was three and a half and showed no interest in the loo right up to the day she did a wee in it - and was then potty trained just about instantly! Nappies will be a pain to take away with you but at least you won't have to worry about accidents - silver lining and all that.

bozza · 12/02/2008 14:25

DD did not show any signs of being ready, but trained well and reliably. I wonder if a child may have more than one window of readiness IYSWIM. DS went for ages with dry nighttime nappies for instance but because I was heavily pg I left it and he started wetting again. In retrospect I think he could have come out of nighttime nappies then.

Other good thing about DD was that she was still quite young and amenable. Although I think she would have trained herself well before 3, just from realising that is what her brother and friend do. She is that sort of child, DS is not and it sounds as though eleusis's DS is not.

Reallytired · 12/02/2008 14:51

I don't think its fair to compare potty training boys with girls. Boys are generally slower to develop physical skills than girls. Also toilet training a boy is more complicated because they have to learn to aim and toilet training is generally done by women.

Some children are later learning to walk. No one suggests that a mother with a child who walks at 18 months is lazy or not amenable. No one would make such a mean statement about a child who is not walking as bozza has just done.

"Other good thing about DD was that she was still quite young and amenable. Although I think she would have trained herself well before 3, just from realising that is what her brother and friend do. She is that sort of child, DS is not and it sounds as though eleusis's DS is not. "

Eleusis son may be incontinent, but its unfair to suggest he is not amenable. I am sure he is a lovely little boy.

There is a range of what is developmentally normal. I am sure that eleusis's son will learn to use the toilet once the nerves in his body have developed and he is physically capable of using the toilet.

Original poster

eleusis · 12/02/2008 15:18

I personally think he is physically able to use the toilet -- just doesn't want to. "DS, Do you want to use the toilet?" "No toilet!"

Maybe it's something about the toilet. Oh, and I haven't even thought of teaching him to stand up. Maybe I should.

OP posts:

Original poster

eleusis · 12/02/2008 15:20

Oh, and my gut feeling is that boys and girls aren't as different as some childcare gurus would have us believe. So stories of girls are also welcome.

OP posts:

Reallytired · 12/02/2008 16:14

eleusis, You know you little boy better than anyone.

I suppose its fear of the unknown, he has known nappies all his life. He will one day want to use the toilet.

With my own son I put him into pants and bribed him with chocolate buttons. I let him decide when he wanted to use the toilet without nagging. If he had an acident I just said to him "Poo poo and wee wee go in the potty. Next time use the potty and then you will get a chocolate button."

Reallytired · 12/02/2008 16:16

Try this book

www.amazon.co.uk/Toilet-Learning-Picture-Technique-Children/dp/0316542377/ref=sr_1_1? ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1202832932&sr=8-1

I also got my son a doll that wees and he toilet trained dolly.

BeauLocks · 12/02/2008 16:17

I didn't even try with my ds1 until his third birthday. It took less than a week and we only had one accident. Easy peasy. Don't worry about it - he will get there. If you feel up to it then give it a go. I was surprised at how quickly ds1 took to it; I thought it would be a disaster but it wasn't.

Meeely2 · 12/02/2008 16:20

changing nappies in chicago will be easier than trying to find a loo every half an hour believe me......

Meeely2 · 12/02/2008 16:23

and both my boys always wee standing up - was a tip from my HV, get them a bucket as well as a potty, and stand it next to the loo and get them to copy daddy. Weeing into a bucket is easier than weeing into a potty, less distance to aim - they moved onto doing it in the loo within days. I bought them a step but they don't use it for wee's just put the seat up and they tiptoe and 'prop' winky on the edge of the loo!

bozza · 12/02/2008 16:23

I hardly think that was a mean comment, reallytired, and it was certainly not my intention. I was just trying to say that there are phases of childhood when children are more willing to try new things than others. Also different children have different personalities, DD is the type who always wants to grow up and is competitive with older children - not always good as she is my baby. Eleusis says that she feels her DS is capable of using the toilet so it is about whether he is willing to learn or not. And having a son and a daughter I am well aware of the differences between boys and girls.

But it is fine for you to say that it takes a year to potty train all 2yos.

Meeely2 · 12/02/2008 16:25

oh and some kids do have issues with toilets and being dangled over what looks like a big scarey hole. DT2 has quite weak arms and it took him a while to have the strength to hold on long enough to have a poo without falling in, so as a consequence prefered the potty. (we couldn't find a loo seat to fit our funky new loo).

BeauLocks · 12/02/2008 16:25

Try it for a couple of days and if it's a disaster then wait a while. Nothing to lose by trying it out. Just make sure you've got some carpet cleaner...!

wheelybug · 12/02/2008 16:40

I had a 2.10 dd who had refused and refused to use toilet or potty. Tried everything everyone swears by - no bribes worked etc.

Suddenly one day she decided to use it. It took us an afternoon to master it and I think since then (she's turned 3 about 2 weeks ago) we haven't had any accidents on a wee front. She refused to poo for a bit longer - probably for another 6 weeks and then decided to do that too. She was dry at night before she decided to use the toilet so from being in nappies full time at 2.10 by 3 she was dry, clean day and night and using the toilet (rather than potty and not with trainer seat either). We have done long car journeys no problem too.

So I would advise just leaving it until he decides he wants to - keep asking him but if he says no, leave it. He'll do it at some point and it will be hassle free !

Anna8888 · 12/02/2008 16:50

wheelybug - I had a very similar experience to you. She basically refused to use the loo at home at all - always wanted to wear a nappy (though she had to wear pants for school - very short morning). Then suddenly she just decided in one afternoon to use the loo for both wee and poo. And hey presto that was it

CalifrauQuoteoftheWeek · 12/02/2008 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 12/02/2008 17:03

None of mine trained before the age of 3.

DD1 was 3.3yrs, DS1 was 3ish and DD2 was 3 in September and only wanted to co-operate last week.

I tend to believe that 3 & 4yo's tend to 'crack it' quicker. So either you wait until they want to do it or you have mop up & change their clothes more often.

I really wouldn't worry about it and a plane trip in nappies isn't a problem. (Take a nose peg ).

seeker · 12/02/2008 19:45

Plane trip in nappies v. plane trip spent saying"do you need the loo? Are you sure? Anre you really sure? Because there's a queue so......oh, whoops, the seat's got a bit wet hasn't it? Never mind....Next time tell me....oh, it is next time...the seat belt light's still on, can you hold....oh, no you can't......"

No contest!

needmorecoffee · 12/02/2008 19:48

My older 3 were all trained by 2 and a half but I'm informed that now 3-4 is considered 'nromal' which is why I couldn't get free nappies for dd from 3 as apparently even non-disabled children aren't potty trained. She's 4 in 2 weeks and we get free nappies
So the 'powers that be' consider not being trained at 3 as normal.

ComeOVeneer · 12/02/2008 19:48

Ele, ds (3 in dec) is still "working on it". DD was a breeze, decided she wanted no more nappies and so it was! I am climbing the walls atm trying to sort it out. BTW wait until May an I may be out there too

Original poster

eleusis · 12/02/2008 20:29

Oh, are you all moving? Or do you mean for a visit?

Would be cool if we could go at the same time. But, I can't wait for May. Am committed to half term in April. Or between termsor whatever it is. I can't keep up with all these breaks and their respective names!

OP posts:

Mummy1603 · 11/09/2019 19:02

Hi I am in need of some much needed advice
My son is 4 in December and refusing to potty train , he is so ready and all the signs are there.
He is happy to wear pants but when he needs to go toilet he freaks out and won’t sit on a potty or toilet to the point he then holds it and carries on playing , I have tried reward charts , different potty’s and other toilet training aids but he just won’t sit or stand to go , he screams and throws the potty’s , I tried playing a game to get him even for a few mins to sit on one
My eldest son was done at 2 day and night so finding this very tricky

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