My six month old is miserable!

[Meandmyjoe]

Hi, my six month old boy has always been what Dr Sears would call a 'high needs' baby. From being about a week old, he has been very hard to settle in any other way other than walking around with him. He sleeps very well at night (for twelve hours straight) but the days are still very hard as my husband works very long shifts and often comes home just in time to but our boy to bed. I am really starting to wonder if things will ever improve. Today (like most days) has been an endles struggle trying to keep our DS happy. He went through a stage about a month and a half ago of lovin being on the floor as he had learned to roll and loved playing with his toys. Sadly this only lasted a few weeks and now I'm back to pacing around the kitchen with him in my arms. My main problem is that he seems unable to be happy whilst still, I have hardly ever been able to just sit with him and cuddle him. He gets frustrated and arches his back until we stand with him. He's not even keen on his pushchair or pram either so nine times out of ten when I'm out and about I end up carying him anyway. I used to think that he would just grow out of this and that all babies are unsetled in the first few weeks. I now see that my little boy is not like others babies who will sit happily in his pushchair whilst mum eats a meal out or goes for a coffee. I can't do this as he wants to be up and walking about. Is there something medically/ developmentally wrong with my boy? I feel so alone as none of my friends babies are anything like mine and I'm sure I must be doing something wrong. Any tips or similar stories are really needed!!! Sorry for moaning but I really feel like crying, we planned out son for so long and I'm ashamed to say that this is not what we imagined. I feel so sorry for our baby as he can't help the way he is. Every little thing bothers him and makes him moan or cry. Just laying him down to undress him can seriously upset him. He must be so sad and I don't know why. Help!!!Thanks

My friend's DD was just like this, the minute she learned to crawl and then walk things got much better. She basically did not like being a baby! She wanted to move and grab things and find out about the world, as soon as she could move of her own accord and assert some independence she calmed down massively.
We used toplay the baby einstein baby mozart DVD to her she loved the dropping blobs on it. We also found she liked being in rooms with other babies who were older so she could look at them.
His mum als o instigated a very strict routine for bed and naps so it was clearly signalled what was happening. Time of day was not so crucial but the ritual was...toy, feed, drawing curtains, songs etc.
The baby Whisper TRacey Hogg refers to such children as "spirited" and you might want to check out what she says about them...

oh, and the crying when being dressed or undressed... keep it to a minimum. my DD2 is in the same babygro she's been in for 2 days... it's clean enough - and why make her cry any more

Thanks Miggsie.

Good thinking about the baby grow if it's clean enough Bodkin! I kept thinking that if I got him dressed and undressed enough than he was sure to get used to it (wrong again!!!) I have read Tracy Hogg's Secrets of the Baby Whisperer book. It did explain my ds' behaviour and I established a good feeding and playing routine it didn't seem to affect his ability to nap easily or for longer periods.

Ahh well, at least I can look forward to him crawling as maybe a light at the end of the tunnel.

He's such a surly devil. Today he rolled over- decided he didn't want to be on his tummy so whimpered a bit- my sister put him on to his back again but it was too late. The floodgates had been opened and he had a ten minute meltdown over seemingly nothing! Is this normal?!! Sometimes I worry he is so touchy that he might be mad?!!

No he is not mad just annoyed and frustrated most likely, some children just go ballistic for almost no reason we adults can see, his babyness probably has a really good reason which he can't articulate.
My friend's boy used to meltdown when placed on his stomach too as did DD (about the only thing that did send her screaming). I think a lot of babies don't like rolling on their tummy.
I used to nanny and when baby was a terror I used to read in a very soothing voice and it would slow the meltdown and calm it. Always use the same measured tones and let them know you are there and things will be ok and your voice is droning on, it seems to work. Of course, it is now a legend among the family I nannyed for that I once read the telephone directory to the baby! It was the only thing to hand while I was rubbing her back. It still worked.
Also, saying "calm the babyness" over and over in a calm voice works right through toddlerhood, and it helps calm you down too.
And you will feel like death some days, I remember my friend on the phone in tears day after day with baby in the background screaming.
We discovered stress breeds stress so introducing calm helps. Singing "my favourite things" or other popular tunes often works too, curse that happy nun, she really winds me up, but music does seem to soothe the savage breast!
DH once spent an hour humming "the lion sleeps tonight" to DD at 3am when she had tummy pains and held her hand. It was a reassurance thing, you don't have to handle or hold them.
Pull silly faces while changing him, it might distract him a bit from the dressing and undressing. You may even get a smile! I also had a "poo" song which went "you've got poo, you've got poo, you've got poo all over you. Up your belly and down your back, every cranny and every crack!" DD loved it.

Haha that poo song is great! I think ds would like that. Thankfully he's OK with nappy changes- just putting his arms through things he seems to hate being restricted and 'forced' to do things! I just found it strange that somedays he will play happily on his tummy yet today he got mad even when he wasn't even on his tummy anymore. Sometimes it feels like he's looking for an excuse to cry. Of course I know he's not but it feels like he'll cry for anything. However on a lighter note- today he started to babble with consonants instead of just vowels so I've be listening to him going 'bababababababa' and 'bur bur bur'over and over. It was so cute and just made me so proud. I get way too excited about stuff like that!

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Having the day from hell. ds has done nothing but whimper all bloody day. I've been in tears more times than I can count. Losing my temper really feel like I'm going mad and dh isn't home for 3 hours.

Why does everyone else find this so easy. I have no energy left and just want too cry again!!!!! Already been on my own with him for 10 hours today. Going doolally

Haven't read whole thread but I would recommend trying cranial osteopathy. Also a back sling. That worked well with stroppy ds3 at 6 months. We had an ergo.

Thanks, just ordered a new sling and waiting for it's delivery. Also looked into cranial osteopathy but people have advised me he is just frustrated and raring to go. There's a good osteopath quite near our town so I'm going to make an appointment. I can't carry on like this. I'm making myself and probably ds even more miserable.

I think cranial osteopathy is worth a try, as it only takes a few sessions to see if it;s going to work for you and I have seen it have a dramatic effect on 'unhappy' children- and it can't do any harm iyswim.

Sling will probably help too....

haven't read whole thread but have you tried one of those bouncer things that hang in a door way? My DS was also 'high needs' but absolutely loved his! I think he like being upright so that he could see a bit more of what was going on. It enabled me to finish all of the washing up on several occasions!

I meant 'liked'.

Sorry to hear you had a shite day - it's so tough when you're on your own, and there's no one to take over and give you a break. Just remember it is not anything you are doing wrong.

Sometimes a change of scene works wonders for grotty babies. When my DD2 is in a funk and I can't calm her down, I open the back door and just stand outside with her.... I call it the "off switch" ... she is silent immediately, and it stops my nerves getting so frayed if I can feel my blood pressure rising. It doesn't fix the problem, but just gives me a bit of a breather for a few minutes while I calm down.

Oh, and Miggsie - I love your poo song... mind if I nick it?

meandmyjoe I really feel for you

your ds sounds like a later born twin of my ds1. It is eerie. From the inability to nap, to the weird capacity to sleep all night, to the going ballistic for 10 mins when put on tummy...

I can give you a perspective though, 4 and a half years down the line. Ds1 has just run his own bath (and topped it up to his neck ), told me off in a kindly manner for getting him the wrong pyjamas, told me his latest made up story about aliens and listened raptly to 3 stories.

He is very adult identified. I think he must have hated being a baby. God knows I hated looking after him!! I actually fled back to work and left him for as long as possible each day with a nanny ( I think I was depressed) who was convinced he was a genius, because the only time he stopped whinging and complaining was when she read him books or put Baby Einstein on. (He's not, btw!!)

There are still some relics of his difficult former temperament. He still gets really angry if things don't go his way, i.e. if he spills a drink or something! He has little patience with physical things (like drawing), he wants it all perfect already. He is generous to a fault and highly sociable. It actually took about 3 and a half years before he worked out how to play by himself (!not trying to scare you or anything) but now I hear him in his bedroom reenacting episodes of Ben 10 complete with hero and monster voices.

I think these are quite special, highly emotional children- the high needs are so bloody hard to deal with but I think you get so much reward later on.

Crikey! three years til he plays on his own!? ah well, your little boy sounds adorable now though! It's just the constant whinging and crying that gets me down when dh is at work. Feel like I'm walking on eggshells with him. Thakns for giving hope!

Drlurker, did your son improve when he got crawling? How did you tackle the nap situation or did it not improve? x

Woohoo, tiny breakthrough today. My ds had 2 one hour naps today (although he woke up both times after half an hour but I was able to shhh him and settle him back to sleep for another half hour). Normally he wakes from a nap very grumpy and cries as he's not really ready to be awake but for some reason his body clock has woke him up. This evening especially he has seemed a little less grouchy and has been playing on his mat rolling over and holy cow even laughing!!!! He was even able to get dressed for bed after his bath with no fuss and as usual went to sleep tonight no problems. Yay, the past few hours before bed time, I actually enjoyed it and began to think to myself "this is how it's meant to be!" Not sure it will last as he's very unpredictable but today has been lovely and I was able to appreciate what a beautiful little boy he can be (when he's not whining!

oops not gin although gin seems very appropriate too!

hi there, so feel for you as my dd was exactly like this and i really understand the isolation you feel around having a high need baby that never seems happy. i too felt cheated of being able to enjoy my baby like my friends did and the guilt about feeling this was grim.. however things WILL get better ( dramatically for me around 7 months although naps were always a challenge).
things that i would say really helped were weaning ( its amazing the difference a routine can make with 3 meals etc), baby signing, which is fantastic and definately resulted in a very early talker in my case,
and making a treasure basket for her to explore.. you can ask your h/v for more advice on these but you basically put together a basket of natural house hold objects for your babe to explore, i.i wooden spoon a cd, a piece of chain, sponge, shell,
etc, i promise they just seem to love them, the net hasa loads of suggestions of content!
good luck and try to look after your self too, this will end xx

Hi Meandmyjoe

Just read your last few messages, sometimes all you need is a couple of good things in one day and you feel like you have climbed Everest. I drove back from the supermarket the other day which is 10 minutes and he didnt whinge! I was estatic!My little boy hated being on his stomach and is only just now getting used to it and starting to try and crawl, I am waiting for the day he does as by the sounds of it, there may be a break through. Like you I have days where I feel like I keep crying and I cant believe I am 8 months in! But only people with babies like ours know what it is like. So glad you started this thread as its great to hear from people who's little ones are older and have been through it. I am starting a baby signing course so fingers crossed....As for the daytime sleeps when he was younger forget it, my mum couldnt beleive how such a small baby could exist on such little sleep, but now he likes his cot and will go to sleep twice a day no problem. I think they sleep so well at night because they are so full on all day! I would recomend the Einstein DVD baby Mozart, a friend lent me this and it really seems to calm him down on those days where nothing else works. Glad you had a successful lunch with him on your lap! I managed a walk yesteray and he slept!

Congrats on the walk suzi10! It's daft how we get so excited about stuff like going to the shop without him whinging and going on a walk where they don't scream after 5 minutes, basically stuff that all my mum mates take for granted I see as a major break through! However, ds (for the first time ever!!!) was a total pig during the night and would not settle at all. My husband was on nights and he seemed so distressed that I'm embarressed to say he ended up in bed with me by 10:30pm . I so hope our lovely nights haven't been ruined. And I haven't started a horrendous habbit of waking to come in our bed. I knew it was daft but he just wanted a cuddle and this morning had bad diarrhoea so maybe he had tummy ache. If he's no better tommorrow he's off to the doctors. My husband is on nights again tonight so fingers crossed for a better night. I'm so scared I've completely cocked up the last six months of bedtime routine.

hope he is feeling better today and you had a better night? I am sure it will be fine him coming in your bed, with your husband working nights you do whatever works best!

Had a much better night thanks suzi10. He slept in his own cot although he did wake up at 5:45am and think it was time to get up (normally closer to 7:30).

I did notice that stupidly after putting him to bed last night, I forgot to turn his bedroom light out fully. I always keep it on dim whilst giving him his massage and bottle. It didn't show on the baby video monitor as it was very dim and still on night vision but I'm thinking that when he stirred at 5:45am he saw the light was on and thought it was time to get up. The main thing is that he slept through in his own room again and didn't expect to be cddled all night so I guess he feels better.

Well as a couple of people on mnet suggested, I've booked an appointment for Monday at the Cranial Osteopaths.

Not sure it will help as from what most people have said, he is just frustrated and bored of being a helpless baby.

At the end of the day though, it can't do any harm just to make sure there's nothing else bothering him. I'm not pinning my hopes on it and it'll probably come to nothing but I'll try anything for just a small improvement!

I can completely sympathise, my dd wanted to be stood up on her feet from around 10wks and would not be cradled, sat for long without crying and moaning.
I agree with bubblagirl. We had dd in a walker so she could follow me around under her own steam from about 4mths, it worked a treat She learned to walk with furniture at 7.5 mths because her legs were so well used!