My six month old is miserable!

[Meandmyjoe]

Hi, my six month old boy has always been what Dr Sears would call a 'high needs' baby. From being about a week old, he has been very hard to settle in any other way other than walking around with him. He sleeps very well at night (for twelve hours straight) but the days are still very hard as my husband works very long shifts and often comes home just in time to but our boy to bed. I am really starting to wonder if things will ever improve. Today (like most days) has been an endles struggle trying to keep our DS happy. He went through a stage about a month and a half ago of lovin being on the floor as he had learned to roll and loved playing with his toys. Sadly this only lasted a few weeks and now I'm back to pacing around the kitchen with him in my arms. My main problem is that he seems unable to be happy whilst still, I have hardly ever been able to just sit with him and cuddle him. He gets frustrated and arches his back until we stand with him. He's not even keen on his pushchair or pram either so nine times out of ten when I'm out and about I end up carying him anyway. I used to think that he would just grow out of this and that all babies are unsetled in the first few weeks. I now see that my little boy is not like others babies who will sit happily in his pushchair whilst mum eats a meal out or goes for a coffee. I can't do this as he wants to be up and walking about. Is there something medically/ developmentally wrong with my boy? I feel so alone as none of my friends babies are anything like mine and I'm sure I must be doing something wrong. Any tips or similar stories are really needed!!! Sorry for moaning but I really feel like crying, we planned out son for so long and I'm ashamed to say that this is not what we imagined. I feel so sorry for our baby as he can't help the way he is. Every little thing bothers him and makes him moan or cry. Just laying him down to undress him can seriously upset him. He must be so sad and I don't know why. Help!!!Thanks

oh and being a "cbeebies presenter on speed" also worked to entertain them both.

Hi Meandmyjoe

I have never written on mumsnet before but after reading your message I have to! I could cry at finally reading something that relates to my 8 month old baby. He is very definately "high need" and it does make you feel like you are the only one who has a baby like this. Like you I have never been able to go for a coffee/lunch without him having to come out of his pushchair after 2 minutes, he cried the whole way round a lovely walk this week with the other NCT babies, while they all just slept or looked around happily. I start each day feeling positive that something will change and by the end of it I am exhaused with having to keep him amused. If we go to people's houses he gets upset and wants to be cuddled it is full on all the time. My son sleeps brilliantly at night for which I am v grateful and also my husband works long hours. And I just feel isolated some days in the fact that none of my other mum friends understand what its like to have a baby like this, and then you feel guilty for having these negative feelings. But on a positive note he is such a little character, very determined and loving. So I feel for you and I understand everything you say, you are not alone in thinking that this wasnt how you imagined it to be!

I haven't read the whole thread, just your original message, but your son sounds exactly like my second ds who is now 6 months old. While he's awake, nothing keeps him happy other than being carried in my arms, so I end up doing everything one-handed. When I do sit down with him, he's constantly wriggling, jumping, arching his back - even when feeding. I've tried bumbos, baby walkers, door bouncers, but nothing keeps him happy for more than 2 mins max. My arms and back are absolutely killing me. I don't know that I have much advice, just wanted to sympathise. The only thing I would say, is that my first ds was a little like this (not as bad), and things got a lot better when he started crawling at 8 months. I'm really hoping this will help with ds2, but at the moment I have to say I'm wishing his life away as I can't wait for him to be older and more mobile...

Thank you all. It's great to know I'm not alone with my grumpy baby!

celia500 yep my baby only sleeps for half hour stretches in the day which he usually wakes up from extremely grouchy and appears to behave like he is tired for much of the day- hence his fowl temprement! Bless him though- sometimes he does the sweetes things and I can't help but melt when he smiles. I guess I'm lucky that he's such an angel at night but God I wish he's nap better in the day. I really can't seem to get him to sleep in the day without him crying. I have noticed though that first thing in the morning (usually) he is a lot happier and will play for 45 minutes or so without needing t obe picked up but I guess that's mainly the only time in the day when he's well rested and not grumpy!

suzi2 Yeah he will go in a sling (as long as I don't try and sit down with him) he hates it if I try and be still with him. Maybe he's just nosey and likes to see things from an adult's perspective. I'm very glad to hear it got easier for you.

If anyone has any napping advice I'd be very
grateful!

suzi10 Thank you so much for posting to me. I am sorry you're going through the same thing as me (although selfishly a little relieved that I'm not the only one who finds it a struggle). None of my friends have had to deal with issues that we have and I find it so hard to try and explain how hard it is without breaking down! I swear my friends must think I'm either totally nuts or completely over exaggerating. Why is it that our babies can't just be in their buggies like everyone elses! Joseph has started to protest even going in his buggy and usually even when the buggy is moving he is screaming to come out and be carried after 10 minutes. I'm exhausted and also feel very isolated. I'm so pleased to have found you! Is your little one crawling yet? People keep reassuring me it will get easier when he is less frustrated. On a plus not my friend and I actually managed to go for some lunch today and eat a full meal! DS wouldn't stay in his buggy but seemed fairly happy playing on my knee (stationery!!!!) whilst I ate a sandwich. Woohoo!

DD1 was just like this - I remember walking up and down the living room jigging her from 4 oclock till 7 when Dh would arrive home. I'd pass him the baby then go and lie in a darkened room for a while.

As she got older and could sit really well, then crawl then walk (11 months) she became happier and happier. She was just very independent and keen to get oiut their and do stuff and this has carried on. I'm sure as he gets more able to do stuff for himself he'll improve. Some babies are just very independent and hate being 'babies'!

In contrast DD2 was an angel baby who was calm and placid as anything for the fist 10 months then got steadily worse - clingy, sensitive. I'm finding her much more difficult then DD1 at the same stage.

desperatelyseekingsleep a big thanks for writing. Your ds sounds exactly the same as mine (you poor dear!) I feel awful but what you said about wishing time away, I say the same thing to dh every day! I can't wait til he is mobile and hopefully less cranky. I really hope it is just frustration and not just that he's always going to be difficult. I feel like our lives have become one big count down to ds first birthday!

Nothing seems to keep him amused- he seemes to moan and generally whine unless he's being carried around. He can laugh one second and cry the next. Is yours the same? It's so difficult and no one in my family understands why I don't like taking him round to see them. The reason I don't is because they do nothing but ask me whats wrong with him all the time and keep saying "ooo is he hungry?". I'm so tired of trying to explain that I end up just feeding him to shut them up! Keep in touch and let me know how things go!

hi there my ds was a frustrated soul round that age just before he could sit up and clearly was furious with his lack of strength. i just had to go for lots of walks with him proped up but facing me so we could cht etc. he did get better with age.

you sound like you are doing a great job though. I found penelope leach and your child from 0-5 very helpful as its lots about behaviour and diff stages to recognise (stops the comparing

HairyToe I am relieved that you say she is now easier than your angel baby. I keep thinking that maybe he is just frustrated, which in the long run is probably a good thing as when he can do more he should be content. It's just hard to feel like you're the only one going through it. I'm so glad I found mumsnet! I think he does just hate being a baby but the littlest things make him cry. I can't decide whether he's really intelegent and independant or just a total wimp!!!

Yes DD1 slept really well at night but could only manage half hour naps too.

Now I think about it I think around this time I decided she really needed a decent nap and used control crying on her (not everyone's bag I know) to get her to have an after lunch nap. It worked in only a couple of days and pretty soon she was having a nap of up to 2 hours. Improved her mood no end. And mine

Thanks for the support spongecake- I'll look that up!

BY the way DD1 is four now and has been a relatively easy (relatively) toddler and is a reasonably (reasonably) easy going toddler (still very independent but normally in a good way!). So you see you may be paying for it now but will get an easy ride in the future

By the look of my DD2 I shall be paying the price for her super calm baby days with 2 years of toddler hell

HairToe- Controlled crying- I'm not against anything that may save my sanity! Whatever works for you and your baby and the situation at the time. I have to say I really think my ds is so bloody strongwilled that he'd just cry and cry and probably never learn. He's basically crying it out before every nap but just in my arms but hes still never learned to go to sleep without the crying so I'm not sure it would work.

Hmmm - at the risk of diverting this very supportive thread into a controversial cc thread I'm loath to post this but here goes. DD was very similar - one day I just decided to go upstairs after lunch, bf her then put her down in her cot (just like bedtime). It took 15 minutes of crying with me going in after 1, 2, 4 mins etc. then she just went out like a light. So suddenly I was terrified she's had a fit and passed out! But no she slept, for much longer than normal. AFter that there'd be a bit of crying each time but no longer than 5 minutes. The after a few weeks no crying at all.

Disclaimer - it worked for me and no signs of psychological damage in DD1...yet

Did it not affect her night time sleep? I'm always worried that if he does stir in the night he may cry for us as he thinks he's just waking up from a nap and gets confused (or am I just putting way too much thought into it?!!)

Not in my case - I don't think that would happen. As long as the nap isn't too long (say past 4pm for a 7pm bedtime) so they're still tired at bedtime. Daytime naps are pretty important for little ones to recharge. I think your bodyclock probably regulates how you sleep/wake during the day as opposed to in the middle of the night. Don't quote me on that though as I'm no expert!

Thanks hairytoe- I really need to work on his naps as the current situation is making an already difficult baby into an impossible (though incredibly cute!) baby

Its the cuteness that (just) stops you throwing them in the dustbin

Hahaha I so know what you're saying! If he were'nt so damn adorable I could really dislike him!

Meandmyjoe - my deepest sympathies! My DD1 was exactly as you describe you DS. She never ever lay in my arms (except whilst feeding), she permanently had to be upright, nosing at everyone and everything and was very serious. BUT she really eased up once she could do more for herself (sit up, crawl, walk etc) as it meant she was more in control of what she could do. She was never a hard toddler and it a lovely 5 year old now who is VERY spirited and not frightened of anything.

He will get easier, this stage is hard now as they are more awake and want entertaining and unfortunately its you who has to do it.

Good luck and believe me, it always looks like everyone else's babies are easier than yours, not the case!

Also I had to do with DD2 what Hairytoe re napping in the day. I had to let her cry for a few minutes in her cot as she was only sleeping for short periods in her pram and hey presto - she now sleeps for 2 hours in the day, in her cot. The way Hairytoe did the CC is the same way I did, it was how my HV recommended to do it. It isn't cruel and if he is crying in your arms anyway, it won't make much of a difference.

I see what you are saying, I suppose if he's crying anyway it won't him anymore than he already is. I was just scared that he would then associate his cot with crying and become scared of it or resentful of being put in it. I was worried he might feel abandoned! The thing is that he always settle himself to sleep at night so well with no crying and I didn't want to ruin this! I'll give it a go though. How frequently do you reccommend I go in to sooth him?

The Health Visitor recommended to me to put them down when tired, when they cry go in after 2 mins, if they are crying inconsolably, pick them up, settle them (if they are just whinging then let them see you, then walk away), put back down and repeat this but adding an extra minute to the time you leave before going back in (hope this makes sense!) i.e. go in 2 mins, 3 mins, 4 mins...

My DD2 (5 months) has now just gone down in her cot for her nap no problem whereas 2 weeks ago (before I did the above) it was taking me 45 minutes to push her up and down in her pram. I was nearly cracking up!

Good luck, no doubt you will have people on here saying NOT to do it but it is your baby, it won't harm him to cry for a few minutes when he is just tired. As long as you are sure he is tired and not wet, hungry etc then you will be fine. He won't resent his cot, he sleeps fine at night because his knows it is time for bed and if you do the same for his naps, it will all fall into place.

Good luck!

Totally agree with what everyone else has said - as soon as he is more mobile, you will see a different baby. Both my DDs have been exactly as you describe. DD2 is now 7 months and just starting to be a bit jollier in the day (her nickname to date has been the MLSB - miserable little sh*tbag) DD1 only started laughing the day she could crawl competently - but she hasn't stopped laughing since!

You will find that just as your baby starts to get easier and more emjoyable, all those with the placid little ones will find their lives are just starting to get harder!

Hang in there