Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Will ds (21 months) be traumtised for life is he goes away for a week and comes back to find a new baby in the house?

44 replies

MuffinMclay · 02/02/2008 13:55

After endless fretting about what to do with ds1 (21 months) when ds2 is being born, I thought I had come up with a great solution. SIL (my emergency childcare person) offered to take him away to MIL's house (i.e. ds1's grandmother) along with her dcs for half term. SIL knows ds very well, and he adores his older cousins.

Yesterday mw asked me what I was going to do with ds1. When I told her of this cunning plan she said it was a really bad idea, and it could upset him to come home and find a new baby in the house, and that some children never forgive you for this sort of thing.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

littledawley · 02/02/2008 14:55

Thinking about it, if your son went away Monday and didn't return until Friday - he would have no idea when baby arrived so, in theory, him walking in to find a baby in a crib is no different to my son going to bed and waking up to a baby in the morning. Also, you and DH might get some nice bonding time with baby.

If you do it like that just make sure no-one tells your son about it before he's ready to come home and you do the whole present from baby and fuss etc.

3Ddonut · 02/02/2008 14:55

I can't really see a problem with it as long as your ds knows that when he gets home his brother will be there! He's only little so to him, the difference between him being away for a week or for a couple of hours and coming home to find his brother is surely not that different (to him)? It's not as if he's going to Outer Mongolia (is he????!!) you can speak to him on the phone and send him pics or webcam. I'm sure that things will work out, you need to be able to relax at the birth and know that he is OK.

3Ddonut · 02/02/2008 14:55

littledawley, great minds

littledawley · 02/02/2008 14:59

And fools seldom ..... !!!!

Ubergeekian · 02/02/2008 15:32

I went to stay with my Grandma at 23 months when my mother was having my sister. About three weeks, I think, because maternity hospitals took themselves very seriously in those days.

I don't think the experience scarred me for life.[twitch]

CantSleepWontSleep · 02/02/2008 16:04

Saw the thread title and knew this would be you!

Have to admit that I did wonder whether or not it was the best plan when you mentioned it the other day, but assumed you had thought it all through and for once decided to keep my trap shut!

If it would help, I could have ds1 here whilst you're having the time of your life in hospital . At least then it would be someone and somewhere he already knows. I've no set in stone plans for half term week, so could work around you.

Twiglett · 02/02/2008 16:08

do you have any friends you can ask

no parent I know would ever refuse to have a child whilst its mother gave birth

I've even offered to have an acquaintances child, which I did, and she then became a friend

any friends from playgroups / post-natal groups?

just ask around

Twiglett · 02/02/2008 16:09

and there you go .. cantsleep gives you the solution

colditz · 02/02/2008 16:13

I would have anyone's child while she gave birth. Anyone.

malovitt · 02/02/2008 16:16

My DS1, 21 months, came home from a three day stay at granny's to find new baby DS2 in the house and was absolutely fine. He adores his brother and they are inseparable, 10 years later.

Don't worry about it.

twentypence · 02/02/2008 16:16

I was 2.4 and got passed around relatives for a whole month before my brother was born (mum was in hospital - dad worked shifts). I do have memories of being pushed out of a bunkbed and of noisy bacon and 3 toy boxes and of asking that my brother was sent back and could I have a sister instead. But that's it. And until recently when my mum told me it was a month I thought it was around 3 or 4 days and everyone had me for the day, rather than each having me for over a week.

So a week or a day at MIL aren't going to make any difference as his concept of time will be even more wonky than mine. Do you want to be away from your first born for that long when you are feeling all hormonal though?

deaconblue · 02/02/2008 20:13

What will you do if your baby isn't born during half term? It may come before or after, surely?

Original poster

MuffinMclay · 03/02/2008 09:44

I think we're going to run the risk of letting ds go away with SIL at half term, but make every attempt to manage his return as best we can. A special present from ds2 to ds1 is ready and waiting too.

If things happen this week dh will take ds to SIL's house then join me at the hospital. If it is the week after half term SIL will have a car again so will be able to collect him from our house or the hospital (depending on urgency). Plus people in the village who offered to have him for an hour or so will be back.

CSWS - thank you for that offer - really kind of you. Is it OK if I keep you in mind in case things don't work out as above?

Just to make things more complicated, ds has gone down with an awful cough and cold overnight. Wondering if it is croup or whooping cough or something. Not sure anyone would want him at the moment....

Thank you for all the advice. It has really helped.

OP posts:

CantSleepWontSleep · 03/02/2008 09:48

Of course MM! You have my number etc, but you might want to email me your address in case you need me to pick ds1 up from there.

If you don't already have an email address for me, then use CantSleepWontSleep at gmail dot com.

Best of luck if things do kick off before I see you this week!

mumandlovingit · 03/02/2008 09:57

our eldest was 13 months when little man arrived. he stayed until i was in labour and then my mum and dad had him stay at theirs for a couple of nights.

he came home to find baby asleep in the moses basket and i will be honest, he ignored me for about 2 hours.i was devastated! he just wanted nan and grandad and daddy.he was a bit confused and kept pointing to my belly!! the fact i was huge when pregnant didnt help really as he wondered where the bump was!

i gave him a big hug and told him i loved him and let him hold the baby, with help of course and he was fine after that.i made sure that when i was feeding little one, he had an empty bottle and teddy/doll as he kept trying to feed the baby.he loved it.

everytime the baby was asleep or content id make sure he had cuddles and kisses and attention.all routines i already did with him i made sure were still done so that he knew his life hadn't majorly changed because the baby was there.

they are now 5 and 6, share a bedroom and have the typical love/hate relationship all kids have.

hope this helps a bit.

Fizzylemonade · 03/02/2008 13:50

I honestly can't help but will tell you that due to weird circumstances at the hospital my ds1 aged 2yr 11months came with my Mum to see me (I had elective c section so it was easier) and I was breastfeeding my baby.

I just made a big fuss about DS1, he came and sat on the bed and looked at the baby, stroked the baby's head and said Hello!

He was fine despite all the reports of it being traumatic for them.

I think that coming to see you in the hospital if possible would be better, but if not then it won't be the end of the world. You just have to make a huge fuss of DS.

Original poster

MuffinMclay · 03/02/2008 19:30

CSWS have emailed you.

Fizzylemonade - coming to the hospital to visit isn't an option, I'm afraid. No under 2s are allowed on the maternity wards (quite strictly enforced too).

OP posts:

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 03/02/2008 19:31

I think your DC should go for a little holiday but meet the baby at the hospital so you all come home together.

Original poster

MuffinMclay · 03/02/2008 19:42

Yes, that would be a nice way of doing things.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2