My 5 year old Reception age DD is very similar. Knowing her as a bright, funny, sunny, energetic girl with a vast vocabulary it is difficult to watch her struggle in situations that make her anxious.
There is no way to change your DD (and of course we would not wish to) but I do think parents can help teach their children coping skills at the same time as accepting them completely for who they are.
DD seems to have friends at school. She doesn't seem unhappy or have any qualms about going to school each day - although occasionally says her tummy hurts. We now refer to it as her morning school tummy ("the one we all get from time to time which disappears as soon as we're happily playing with our friends" says I breezily to DD!)
Parents Evening revealed that DD doesn't participate in Music and Movement. The teacher holds her hand or lets her sit it out and do something else. She's confident that she will do it in time, when she's ready. Her teacher is wonderful and is keeping an eye on my DD, to ensure her anviety doesn't get out of hand. I could not have asked for a better start to school.
Sadly, we are moving in the summer and I know it is dgoing to be doubly difficult for my DD to integrate into a new school, starting a year later than her classmates.
Some of the things I have started to do....
I talk to her about how lots of people feel apprehensive on the inside but that they act a different way on the outside.
I'm not brusque with her but I also maintain a matter-of-fact sing-songy voice, rather than mollycoddle her.
Worried that her self-esteem could get dented by school or over-anxiousness I'm trying to teach her not to think in black and white terms so that she learns there are often a myriad of reasons for other people's actions, not just the negative, self-focused assumption she might come to make.
We have started some child-orientated yoga and meditation at home which teaches her breathing techniques to get rid of the butterflies in her tummy.
After she has been somewhere new or participated in something she was nervous about, we spend the next few days (matter of factedly again) talking about the positives. I highlight the positives to distract her from the negatives.
We had no joy with ballet or swimming lessons. Swimming was going fine until she moved upt o a class with a dragon teacher who had no rapport with 4 year olds! Ballet was not her thing from day one despite the teacher being wonderful with the age group.
She's started gymnastics recently and Rainbows. I am a parent helper at Rainbows and I think that has helped a lot. Although she won't speak when all eyes are on her, she will join in games and activities. Gymnastics overwhelmed her during the warm-up but she was fine once split into a small group. I know the warm-up and having to answer to a register will continue to worry her enough that she'll try to get out of going to gymnastics. Despite the fact she loves actually doing it. We will persevere.
Parties are a disaster. I think I am going to have to stay with her when she goes to a party next month.
I feel for you. Perhaps we should start our own support group on here. Schools greatly differ in the way they approach this type of child. I do believe they need extra help and should get some of this help through school. I recently learnt of an organisation called the Pyramid Trust. They run nurturing after schoolgroups in schools for children aged 7-9 who need this sort of help. They rely on (trained) volunteers. If you you are still worrying about your DD when she is 7, perhaps you could encourage the school to contact this organisation and run a club at your school.