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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Six year old refuses to do school work

32 replies

noideawhattodo · 18/01/2008 16:14

DS has had trouble with his behaviour ever since he started school. His behaviour has improved a lot recently but now he refuses to get any work done that involves writing.

He's really good at maths and reading but just will not do any kind of written work. Sometimes in a school day all he's done is write his name and the date. It's maybe one day out of five he actually gets anything done. I can get him to write at home - the school keeps sending home work he hasn't done for him to complete. However, it takes several hours with someone constantly supervising him. We can't just sit him down and tell him to get on with it, unless we stay and check every letter he just stops and stares around the room. He is always trying to avoid the work by trying to start a conversation about something else.

It has got to the point where I can't see why he's even at school if none of his work gets done there.

We have a meeting with an EdPsych we've seen before next week. The previous meetings were about his behaviour but she is now trying to find ways to get him to write. She has made suggestions to try to make writing more fun for him which we have tried and none have worked. I feel utterly worn out and like a useless parent over this whole situation.

When we try to talk to him about it, he's very contrite and promises to do better the next day, but it doesn't happen.

We have tried reward charts, home-school books, threats of things taken away, bribery and god knows what else and unless he decides to, he still doesn't work.
Can anyone help at all? I am feeling desperate and completely hopeless.

OP posts:

Twiglett · 18/01/2008 16:16

do you think there might be too much focus on his writing and it's setting up a barrier? do you think you and school could agree to leave it for a month maybe, and see what happens

and then maybe when ready go back to the whole forming letters and writing post-it notes for each other

6 is awfully young for so much pressure

EffiePerine · 18/01/2008 16:18

Six is quite young - well done for getting him to an Ed Psych, was she worried about it? Is the school worried? I'd be tempted to leave the pressure off for a bit while encouraging the 'fun' ways to write, but no experience of this age group, so hopefully someone expert will come along soon...

needmorecoffee · 18/01/2008 16:18

My ds didn't pick up a pencil till he was 10 after the school traumatised him over his writing. Even now he prefers to type. Turned out he has dyspraxia but the teacher yelled and ranted at him.
You can learn without writing you know.

EffiePerine · 18/01/2008 16:19

bearing in mind that many children in Europe don;t start formal education until age 7...

PrettyCandles · 18/01/2008 16:21

Has he any co-ordination issues? I don't have any real knowledge of SN but can't help wondering whether he is finding writing difficult and stressful for a real reason, rather than being distractable or naughty.

foxinsocks · 18/01/2008 16:24

I have one not keen on writing child. I think it's a bit much that they send work home for him. If he's really writing nothing then he needs their encouragement, not their scorn and I would think forcing him to do the work at home probably isn't helping.

Having said that, we went down the non forcing route and now in yr3, dd gets kept in at lunch time a fair bit to finish her work and though she's capable of writing, she now chooses not to do it which is a right royal pita. She also does that daydreaming thing while writing - someone once described it on here as having a full on writer's block and I think that description is quite apt. It's like putting the pencil in her hand stops her brain working!

I think it is hard on them as they get older and don't write. He is probably still at the stage where he has to focus completely on forming his letters and words which is why it takes him so long to compete work because he's having to spend time writing AND thinking about the work when a lot of the others have got to the stage where they don't have to worry about the forming of the words iyswim.

What rewards have you tried?

MorocconOil · 18/01/2008 16:24

Is he left-handed? I went to a literacy workshop at school today where this came up. The teacher was saying it can be very hard for left-handed children as it is hard to see what they are writing, they can get b and d muddled up and the way they form some of the letters is reversed.

They were also saying that many boys find writing difficult.

Porpoise · 18/01/2008 16:27

agree with Twiglett that you could be setting up barriers...

however, if it helps,I reckon boys like writing BIG. It's the small pencil movements and the keeping things neat and tidy that hacks them off.

Could you try giving him big bits of paper and letting him make big signs - maybe for his room (of the 'keep out! X's room!' variety)?

Also, if he likes maths, perhaps youd could enthuse him about making football league tables?

Niecie · 18/01/2008 16:31

I have one who is not keen on writing but he is both left handed and dyspraxic and it is a real struggle for him. He does write in class but is very slow and easily distracted.

Would your DS benefit more from a meeting with an OT rather than an Ed psych? If he finds the mechanics of writing hard an OT may be able to help.

Original poster

noideawhattodo · 18/01/2008 16:31

His school reports always mention that he finds using scissors difficult and that he needs to improve fine motor skills. He is on School Action Plus which started because of his behaviour so we have a meeting every term with his teacher to go over his IEP and the ED Psych is involved because of this.

When we ask why he won't write he just says he hates it and that it's boring - he CAN form letters but just doesn't seem to want to. His writing isn't particularly tidy but having looked around the classroom in the mornings when they are doing handwriting practise it seems about the same as the other children's.

Another problem with him not working at school is that he doesn't just sit and do nothing, he tries to distract other children from what they are doing so he'll have someone to chat to.

OP posts:

Niecie · 18/01/2008 16:32

If he is left handed and struggling to see what he is writing Yoropens are very good. They are angled to allow the writer to see what they have written.

MorocconOil · 18/01/2008 16:33

Suggestions today at the workshop were to get them to make their own Top trumps cards, label things around the house with post-it notes, list making, and making a monopoly type game with local streets on it.

Original poster

noideawhattodo · 18/01/2008 16:35

It took him a while to decide which hand to use, it said on his first couple of reports that he didn't have a dominant hand yet. However, he doesn't swap over anymore, he is right handed.

OP posts:

MorocconOil · 18/01/2008 16:36

They also suggested working on the fine motor skills with tasks like cutting, threading beads, playing with plasticine, Hama beads.

foxinsocks · 18/01/2008 16:36

lol he sounds lovely. I do think it's important to get help for this now. I am kicking myself for leaving it so late because in yr3, the volume of work they produce seems to go up exponentially.

It is boring, writing, especially when it's hard work and you don't feel you're particularly good at it. No-one likes doing stuff they aren't fond of and writing is annoying because it's something that comes into virtually every lesson.

I'm afraid that it's something you might have to just keep going along with.

Have you tried Write From the Start? Rather than doing endless letters or writing practise, dd now does the exercises in there and they are more fun than writing words (and at least it gets them writing something iyswim).

Will he draw?

Original poster

noideawhattodo · 18/01/2008 16:39

He doesn't particularly enjoy drawing either, although he has started doing it more recently. He likes drawing people and aliens from Dr Who. He will also then label the pictures.

It was suggested before that I try writing lists, communicating in notes and writing letters to relatives, I have tried all of these and he still didn't enjoy it. In fact, when I suggested that we try writing notes to each other instead of talking for a while he stomped off to his room until I agreed to just talk again!

OP posts:

cornsilk · 18/01/2008 16:42

My ds wouldn't write either - school were always on at him etc. I only (fairly)recently found out he had specific learning difficulties in literacy(ie, dyslexia) but was also super bright according to ed pysch's GCA testing. I think his refusal was a mixture of pressure, frustration and not actually knowing how to spell things. He still hates writing, but will do some writing in class tho' he finds any excuse not to do it at home. Wrong pen, wind blowing wrong way etc!

foxinsocks · 18/01/2008 16:46

yes, people suggested things like that to me and I thought it might work but it didn't and doesn't . They see through it all!

Encourage the drawing - how brilliant that he will draw aliens. Buy him lots of magazines (like the Dr Who magazine and things like Beano - so proper comics) and get him to try and draw comic strips. This works a treat with dd and even though her writing isn't great, I do super positive praising for comic strips with word balloons (what are they called..speech bubbles is it) etc. because in my mind ANY sort of drawing is practise for their writing and as his drawing gets better, his comic strips will become more intricate and hopefully, more writing will feature.

I am hoping by following this method EVENTUALLY writing will be seen as something everyone just does rather than an activity sent down from the devil himself.

Porpoise · 18/01/2008 16:46

Lego (the kits with smaller pieces) is very good for fine motor skills...

foxinsocks · 18/01/2008 16:48

however, if their fine motor skills are crap, then they will find all that small fiddly stuff too frustrating.

Porpoise · 18/01/2008 16:53

Yes, you're right, foxinsocks.

Just remembering that ds1(9) - appalling fine motor skills - is only just finding himself able to do Lego without hurling it across the room in frustration.

Writing is HARD work for those with potato fingers.

And the hard bit for us is to find a way to keep them writing without turning them off the whole idea

MorocconOil · 18/01/2008 16:55

Both my DSs dislike writing. DS 8 got a 2c for writing in his SATS last year, but a 3 for reading. He came home yeaterday saying he was rubbish at school, because his writing was bad.

It is really hard to know how to help, because when they are at home I want them to relax not do more work. On the other hand, I am concerned about their writing.

I'll try out some of the suggestions with them.

Ubergeekian · 18/01/2008 16:55

It sounds as if he just isn't ready for written school work - as others have pointed out, there are many countries where he wouldn't even be starting school for another year.

So you've got a choice. You can either see it as a problem, or not see it as a problem. But don't let other people make that choice for you!

cory · 18/01/2008 18:12

Have someone checking out how he writes might be an idea too, if he has dyspraxia.

After ds had been diagnosed yesterday with a joint disorder that makes his feet hurt, I casually asked if he'd ever found it difficult holding a pen. Turns out it;s very painful. He's been struggling with his writing for 3 1/2 years, but never thought to mention this, as he hadn't realised that this isn't something that causes pain for most people.

TooTicky · 18/01/2008 18:21

They shouldn't be sending the work home with him - especially if he's only 6!
My ds1 (8) dislikes writing unless it is something he really wants to do (ie, not school work!)
I think the school should take the pressure right off.
Don't suppose home schooling is an option...

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