DS1 10 gets cross and tearful because he is too big to pick up now. I don't know how to deal with it.

[tortoise]

He is 10 and quite chubby. I just can't pick him up like i can DS2(skinny,light) 8, DD1 4 or DD2 3.
I have explained he is just to big to be picked up now and that he can still sit on my lap but he gets really upset and cross about it.
I know it must be hard for him as the oldest.
What can i do?

Forgive me if this sounds insensitive, but why would you be picking up a 10 year old? Has he got special needs?

at lilolil's response.
Poor little sausage. I have no helpful suggestions but wanted to say he sounds like a sweetie.

lilolil, I am going to assume you have a 5 month old baby or something, and that way i won't have to go into an older child's need for love and affection.

lilo. He just wants to be picked up and swung around and do flips off me like DS2 does.

Thanks lady. He is most of the time!
Its just so hard to see him getting upset over something that is basically out of my control.

Tortoise, DS3, 9 (youngest and chunky) gets cross sometimes because I can't pick him up, but we can still pick up DS2 (11 and very lithe).

Luckily DH can still pick him up - for now.

Not a lot we can do really, other than reassure him.

I have a 14 year old and a 10 year old. Both get loads of affection and lots of cuddles, hugs, kisses, sit on my knee and tons of physical contact. But I don't pick them up. Why do 10 year olds need picking up? They aren't babies. Picking up is not the same as love and affection IMO.

DS2 runs at me and jumps up me for a kiss and a hug.

Never in a million years will I stop him from doing this.

DS3 just wants to be able to do the same.

DS1 is like this and he is almost 14. He still sits on my lap - although I have to occasionally ask him to shift a bit before the blood supply to certain parts of my body get cut off permanently.

I can remember as an adult - and even now - wanting to be picked up and cuddled. It's a basic human need and is very hard to handle when you are only young and realise that it is unlikely to happen again because you are simply too big.

And they both like to be flipped over etc.

agree with lillo

Unfortunatly am a single mum so no DP to do the picking up. I do try nd can just about piggy back him but its not easy lol and i think i am fairly strong. he weighs about 6 stone i think!

He just gets soo upset.

Thanks ggirl. Suddenly felt like everyone thought I was a freak who doesn't love my kids. I DO and they get tons of physical love. I guess because my eldest is 14, have already been through this and also I do have a bad back so my kids have had to understand for a long while that I can't pick them up. But I don't think kids need picking up at 10 to show affection. That is my point. And given that I am on the verge of leaving MN anyway, would say (with older mum hindsight) that the real issue is people finding it hard to allow their kids to get upset. How can we ever be sensible parents if we can't enforce rules/allow our kids to grow up if we can't handle our kids getting upset when they don't like what we say?

My dh and i 'throw' our 6 month old baby to each other (she roars laughing) then of course our 4 year old and 8 year old want to join in and be thrown too! We can just about manage it if dh does the throwing and i do the catching, lol.

Sometimes its simply about having fun Lilo and ggirl

Sorry ive got no suggestions Tortoise

I do let my Children get upset. This is different. And i guess he might be struggling with growing up and being the eldest. I don't know.

I understand tortoise - mine's only 8 (but 11yo-sized) and picking up is far in the past (which he's rather sorry about too).

But I was giving him a hug today and realising he is the exactly perfect size for a hug - I can put my head down on one side and his lovely soft hair is exactly where my cheek wants to rest. So I made a lot of that. Is it worth doing something similar with yours?

Bluenosesaint: WE HAVE FUN ALL THE TIME. I just don't think kids need picking up at 10 years old.

Yes he does get hugs like that. Which is nice.

it's just a fact of growing up.

Your parents no longer can pick you up and throw you over their shoulder.

They have to deal with it.

Love and fun will have to be shown /done another way.

i didn't suggest that you didn't lilo ...

ok lilo. He doesn't 'need' picking up. He wants me to be able to pick him up.

Oh I'm sure he gets loads of those hugs ... what I meant was making a special fuss about him only now (ie that he's so big) being exactly the right size etc. etc. - ?

Children don't need to be picked up, we know that, but this is obviously something that bothers Tortoise's DS1.

In our case, DS3 is jealous because he can no longer do something that DS2 still can.

As another older mum, I can state quite confidently that I'm not afraid of my children being upset - often the cause of the upset being me.

Tortoise, there are lots of ways of having physical contact with your DS without picking him up. Let him climb up on the sofa next to you/climb on your knee/climb into bed next to you/kiss & cuddle him. Make up for not being able to pick him up in other ways. You don't need to be able to pick him up to comfort him and show him affection. 10 isn't that young to learn he can't be picked up. Many kids have to come to terms with that a lot younger. It doesn't mean their parents can't show them affection and sometimes they just have to learn that they have to move on and grow up a bit. I may have sounded harsh, but I suppose I have just dealt with a lot of this already, and also see other people not dealing with issues (like the 12 year old that still needs his mum in bed next to him to go to sleep) hence saying what I think in the hope that it helps.