DS1 10 gets cross and tearful because he is too big to pick up now. I don't know how to deal with it.

[tortoise]

He is 10 and quite chubby. I just can't pick him up like i can DS2(skinny,light) 8, DD1 4 or DD2 3.
I have explained he is just to big to be picked up now and that he can still sit on my lap but he gets really upset and cross about it.
I know it must be hard for him as the oldest.
What can i do?

dd is 12 has sn (cp) but loves a cuddle so we cuddle on the settee. I still give ds(15) a cuddle. but i don't pick eaither of them up. can you get him to sit next to you and have a cuddle. or say "oh your a big boy lets have a big boy cuddle"

I know that lilo. He gets all the love, hugs kisses etc. They all get in bed with me on Sunday mornings. (And fight over who gets to lay next to me this week!!)

Thanks Bink. I will try and make extra fuss of him.

I understand both sides of what is being said here. I can see that lilo you are affectionate with your DC, and you have experience.

Tortoise, I guees this is a first for you, so you want to make sure you are doing the right thing by your son, and yourself!

Have you tried explaining to him that is not because you dont love him, or that you love him less than your other DC, it is simply a physical thing. That it makes you very very sad that you cannot pick him up anymore, that you would love to, if you were strong enough, but you just cant. That it also makes you so sad to know he's upset by it, and could he try as your biggest boy, to understand for you?

I don't know, it might be worth a try? Ham up the whole 'being mums biggest ,strongest boy' bit, maybe it'll help him feel important? maybe even ask him to join in when you are doing this to your other DC, could he actually hold them at all? you know, bringing his role as the eldest into it, as your number one support kind of thing? Just really emphasise how you wish you could...

HTH a teeny bit!

Thanks susiecutiemincepies .
Lovely ideas. I will try some of those that haven't been tried. Yes its a first for me.

Awww, your ds sounds lovely tortoise. I can remember feeling really sad at becoming too big to pick up when I was about that age. For me it was all part of the 'I don't want to grow up, I want to be a child for a lot longer yet' thing that I went through.

Is there something special that you could think of to do with your ds that's just you and him, something that his younger siblings cannot do because they're too young. I know it won't be the same as being thrown around like the others but it might help to make growing up a bit more appealing.

Also, could you find a way for him to maybe to 'rough and tumble' you? Is he strong enough yet? that might be nice for him, to be the only one big enough to lift up mummy etc...

pinkandsparkly- its difficult to do one to one things when i have the other 3. I can't think of anything we could do either.
We do rough and tumble on the floor when all 4 jump on me lol! (Normally ends in one getting too silly and one getting bumped!)

oooh, the thread raced along without me, sorry

I think maybe he is feeling sensitive about his weight- I would personally try to get to the bottom of this with some gentle questioning about whether people are being mean to him about it. After all, I daresay you still give him plenty hugs, and could sit down and let his sit on your lap if need be. So the "mummy can't pick me up any more" sadness must come from a different place. Either that, or he has suddenly realised the inevitability of growing up and doesn't like it.

duchesse _ Thanks. I will try and talk to him tomorrow to see if anyone is teasing him TBH he can be a bit diiferent to other kids his age, he has strange habits he gets into(ie making noises, blowing raspberries all the time,cracking knuckles), so i know he does get picked on a bit but he doesn't seem to pick up on it. I do worry about him. he will be going upto secondry school in September which also worries him!

It also says SO much about you Tortoise, and how you must be such an wonderful, loving and affectionate mummy. All your DC's love you SO much! You must be doing such a fantastic job with them, obviously you've brought your DC's up with so much love, if they still want such closeness to you. It will help all their future relationships, when they're into that kind of thing. Such a positive start for them., I hope I can manage the same, with my DD.

God, I hope that doesnt sound patronizing, it's not intended that way at all, jeez, you have far more experience than I do!

Aww, I do hope you can sort this out with your boy, I really do.

Aww thanks. I try! Its hard with all 4 fighting over me but fun.

my ds1 10 still wants loads of hugs and cuddles. loves to sit on my lap.... loves all 4 of us tucked up in bed together reading....but luckily doesn't mind about being too big to pick up......