* yr old boy anger.... depression ??

[littleboo]

Can anyone help me.
I have posted on similar before but will try again.
My ds1 (8) is our middle child. he can be loving, sweet, funny, bright, BUT "I" think he seems very sad and angry a lot of the time. I did suffer with PND , with him, but it wasn't picked up until he was a Yr old then treated with ad's.
He loves football, and his coach has also commented on just how moody, grumpy, attitude, he is/has. Yesterday at trainning his coach said he had been exactly the same again, and the second coach ( who has been away for 6 weeks, said he wasn't the same boy he left.
I have discussed with DH, he mainly believes he is just 8, and thats that.
I have spoken to his teacher, to see how he is at school, and he says he hasn't seen any of that behaviour at school. He is very bright, does well at school.
He Does hate, and i mean hate, losing ( so in football if his team looses he finds that really hard, but he has also started saying " whats the point in trying "
I am at a complete loss, and juat don't know what to do.
Please can anyone share any thoughts on this, or any advice at all.?

Maybe if he 'lives and breathes it' it's a good idea to intrduce some other things then. Because it sounds as though he has stopped enjoying the playing and is focusing too much on the winning.

Agree that no 8 year old likes losing - my son does will beat himself up when he loses quite often.

ok martian, that sounds positive and easy to do to.

Foo, you may have something there. Especially now as he is in a team, and also captain( did try to suggest giving that up, but as you can imagine didn't go down well) I thought perhaps less responsibility ( although at their age think only captain in name obviously)
Have started swimming with him, had similar fears with that and tears to start, but seems more confident now

I think sometimes sports stuff at this age forgets to be about fun. I started doing tennis with ds and that is great - we have a good time and he's not bothered when he misses a shot (I also miss all the time!)

I was anxious/depressed as a child and I wish my parents had acknowledged it. Perhaps you want to acknowledge it too in your ds? It's nothing to be afraid of, just something that you've noticed that you can help with, which is so heartening. Much better than breezing over it, which is the tempting thing to do.

But what to do? I am only thinking about what I wish my parents had done, but I would think about ways to help him cope with these emotions - I'm worried about shocking you, but I would have loved to have seen a child psychologist. Only because I know one and she's lovely! They suggest ways to handle 'negative' emotions and are a place for children to talk about things they otherwise bottle up. Self-refer if you don't want it in his notes.

Scatter, have thought about that too, don't mind it being in his notes, just didn't want him to kind of start labelling himself IYSWIM. Its the handling of the emotions that I feel useless at?

Re diet - I think keeping sugar fixes down is the most important, LB, as the surge in energy from sugar/chocolates/sweets tends to be linked to a rush in positive feelings - I can do this/I can win etc - and then when the sugar burns off, they are more likely to crash down. Fruit - particularly hard fruit ie apples - release their energy much more slowly.

Agree with MB that playing games of chance together is really good. DS also finds losing at cards easier than losing at football. And agree with Foo that a variety of activities is good.

Hard job, this parenting lark, isn't it?!

It is notquite, you think you're doing ok then.... suddenly you realise that you're not

It sounds like you're doing really well, especially with the UNO game. It's a fine balance isn't it? Not wanting to make a big deal out of something yet not wanting to dismiss it... What about that book about Bringing up boys? That might help with the whole competitive thing.
Just thinking off the top of my head here, but fear of failure is linked to self-confidence isn't it? So maybe lots of activities and praise that boost his?

Well - just thought you might like to know. DS - having been doing so much better since his Christmas break - had a playdate after school, played football for 80 minutes with 3 friends - and came home red in the face, exhausted, and sooooo aggressive/grumpy! Your post and questions today really helped me to focus on what was going on. It's swimming at school tomorrow, which always makes him tired, so we have cancelled a playdate for the evening, so that he can have a chill out time instead and hopefully get back on track and enjoy the weekend.

Not quite, we also had a bit of a blow up this evening over him wanting to go on playstation tonight instead of weekend ( yet i know come sunday he''l want to go on again, Did an 8 min on the "naughty step".
But seemed to calm, played a gain of pool with him, which he one, and he was ok.
we have a footie match on sunday- hopefully it will be ok, but can't say i'm that positive. Thanks for all the comments, does help to know others are in similar situations