Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

* yr old boy anger.... depression ??

36 replies

littleboo · 10/01/2008 13:41

Can anyone help me.
I have posted on similar before but will try again.
My ds1 (8) is our middle child. he can be loving, sweet, funny, bright, BUT "I" think he seems very sad and angry a lot of the time. I did suffer with PND , with him, but it wasn't picked up until he was a Yr old then treated with ad's.
He loves football, and his coach has also commented on just how moody, grumpy, attitude, he is/has. Yesterday at trainning his coach said he had been exactly the same again, and the second coach ( who has been away for 6 weeks, said he wasn't the same boy he left.
I have discussed with DH, he mainly believes he is just 8, and thats that.
I have spoken to his teacher, to see how he is at school, and he says he hasn't seen any of that behaviour at school. He is very bright, does well at school.
He Does hate, and i mean hate, losing ( so in football if his team looses he finds that really hard, but he has also started saying " whats the point in trying "
I am at a complete loss, and juat don't know what to do.
Please can anyone share any thoughts on this, or any advice at all.?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/01/2008 13:42

Some of that sounds very similar to my 6yr 10 months old.

Original poster

littleboo · 10/01/2008 13:46

Does it Nab?
I just am so worried that he is perhaps depressed, just don't know how to deal with it.
He goes off the handle if you critise him seem to believe that everything you say is a criticism.?
Last night, when we left football, I tried to talk to him again, anyway, it all ended in tears. ( he was saying he doesn't like it when he doesn't get his own way, but Hes clever you know, and I wonder if he's saying some of those things as an easy answer so it kind of finishes the situation.

OP posts:

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/01/2008 13:50

Mine is very sensitive.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/01/2008 13:50

Heredity depression does worry me as I have had it for a long time.

Original poster

littleboo · 10/01/2008 13:52

Yes the depression thing runs in my family too with my mum. I believe i've suffered from it all my life as well.
Any ideas on what I can do, You see I don't want him labelled if that is the case, feel as if I'm stuck between rock and a hard place.

OP posts:

AnAngelWithin · 10/01/2008 13:53

my ds1 is 8 and has a severe attitude problem at the minute. i am at a loss what to do with him. to the point sometimes i just wish he would go away

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/01/2008 13:54

I know labels can be awful but if he has got depression he will need help.

All I can suggest is to try and talk to hom or someone on here suggested I have a book with my son. We both write in it - I could put that Mummy was worried and is he ok? And he could write down anything he doesn't feel able to say to me.

ahundredtimes · 10/01/2008 13:56

Now hold it ladies.

Lots of boys hate losing, lots of boys are incredibly competitive and bad losers and would rather not play. Lots of boys needs LOTS of help to be graceful about losing.

Depression is too strong a word. I think our dcs are allowed to be grumpy, tired, cross, bad at losing, bad-tempered, bit narked without being considered depressed.

We musn't expect children to always be happy and carefree - why should they be?

I'd talk about losing with him, and work out some strategies about how to lose with dignity and then let him come home and kick a cardboard box.

Original poster

littleboo · 10/01/2008 13:56

Yes I do think he finds it really hard to talk. Someone on here suggested different coloured stones to try and help with moods, and worry dolls. I'm just worried its more than that

OP posts:

Original poster

littleboo · 10/01/2008 13:57

Is that what 8 yar old boys are like then.
Have an older daughter, she definately wasn't like it?
Is it a boy thing.

OP posts:

Blandmum · 10/01/2008 13:59

Agree with 100x 100%.

poor losing seems to be a male linked trait! My 7 year old hates to lose, and we have no depresion in our family.

No, while he might be depressed, I just think that he is a poor loser!

Depression does happen in children, however moodiness does not = depression it = being moody

ahundredtimes · 10/01/2008 13:59

Well I have two that are! And honestly, they aren't depressed - they are complex, interesting beings who feel lots of different things, often quite intensely.

I think that is just childhood.

My two ds's are insanely competitive and ALSO to make matters worse useless at sport!

So they are also competitive about board games, who has got the most Pokemon cards etc etc etc.

TBH I think you're panicking.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/01/2008 14:01

I don't think my son is depressed, but it is something I worry about with my history.

Original poster

littleboo · 10/01/2008 14:02

Ok, so are there any examples of how your ds's behave so i can compare. When is it not moodiness then?, what makes it cross that line

OP posts:

ahundredtimes · 10/01/2008 14:03

Oh yes I can see that Nab. I would too.

But sometimes I think we can reach for the D word - often completely appropriately, and get the support and help needed - but sometimes perhaps the child is just cross, or is lonely, or is bad-tempered about something, and we all have to say that is okay and find ways to help children deal with their strong emotions.

Also littleboo - has been my experience [ahem] that v.bright children are often extremely intense in their reactions to things, and that isn't easy to parent, or to understand sometimes.

Original poster

littleboo · 10/01/2008 14:06

Yes 100, don't want that d label at all, BUT don't also want to have missed something. When I say he is bright, I just mean that, Not that he is a genius or anything, but does really well at most things, or can do.
I worry for him. I don't know how to deal with his anger, and now other people are commenting on it it has made me worry even more.

OP posts:

FooFooTheSnoo · 10/01/2008 14:08

My (nearly) 8 year old gets incredibly angry - kind of wreck your bedroom angry. I am trying to teach him to control his anger - punch cushions, articulate how he feels, rather than lashing out (at me, at his sister).

I have also eased up on him a lot. I think really hard before I say no. When I do say no to something I have a very good reason. It's really helped. He is desperate for more autonomy and the ability to control more things in his life and it is this which was at the route of a lot of our conflict.

Don't know if this helps.

ahundredtimes · 10/01/2008 14:09

Ok. So what makes him angry?

He sounds a bit 'status' aware and self-conscious? DS1 was very like that at 8 (he is 10 now).

Oh I have a dd too - and she frankly couldn't give a toss, she has other things to do than get crabby and silly about whether someone purposefully thew the dice on the edge of the carpet so they would get two possible number choices . . . . [yawn]

Original poster

littleboo · 10/01/2008 14:10

Foo, my ds dosen't vent his anger physically ( maybe it would be better in a way if he did, )

OP posts:

FooFooTheSnoo · 10/01/2008 14:13

It doesn't sound as if he enjoys the football to me. Perhaps he'd be better doing another sports activity? I see a lot of ds's friends moving on from football now they are in year 3 and 4

Notquitegrownup · 10/01/2008 14:15

Littleboo, you could be describing my ds and my concerns too - untreated PND, and long term mild/moderate depression for me. DS1 was a cheery soul until his 7th birthday, then the anger and the sense of hopelessness kicked in. Part of me wants to to our GP about whether my depression might have affected ds, who is a carbon copy of yours lb - except dh does not think I should, and I also don't want ds to label himself as depressed yet.

He is much much better since having a good break over Christmas. He too is bright, but works too hard at school and gets anxious/insecure about achieving. He is a very enthusiastic footballer, but is far worse when tired. (And so am I, of course.) I want to keep us on a more sensible timetable with less running around, more early nights, to see if it can helps. I think that it is worth looking at diet too, and following the advice you would give anyone who is low/depressed - healthy food, regular exercise, sunlight/fresh air, and good family time too, playing board games, doing silly stuff. Too much PS2 or TV, which he gets overinvolved with (he sobbed and cried for hours when his favourite 'Joseph' was eliminated last term) also make him worse.

I think that bright kids often need more parenting - and some good old fashioned mummying - than we might think.

Original poster

littleboo · 10/01/2008 14:15

But he says he does Foo, he lives and breathes it, is good at it. When I said yeaterday, maybe give it a break etc, he went mad.

OP posts:

Notquitegrownup · 10/01/2008 14:16

Good idea Foo. It would be the end of the world to suggest that ds gives up his football, but he also does a karate class too, and although he doesn't get the same buzz from it, he is very proud of the belts he has won. I'm sure that it is a good thing for him.

Blandmum · 10/01/2008 14:18

If ds doesn't win, or if he thinks that someone os laughing at him, or is being unfair in any way he will have a strop.

He is seldom physically angry, but he will cry and have a paddy and yell etc.

Often he will avoid competition to avoid failing.

Something that has helped us is playing UNO, and making a lot of fun out of losing....so we model the correct response to losing, 'it isn't a big deal, Dad has beaten me, and I'm laughing and joking with him'

Original poster

littleboo · 10/01/2008 14:18

Notquite, I have wondered about diet. We do limit the ps2 ( which he loves) to only weekend cos i'm sure that wasn't helping either.
Are you trying anything special diet wise, just don't know where to start.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2