which is right, big box of goodies which kids dip into or sweets rationed by parents? DH and I don't agree

[Gemzooks]

In his family they had a big box of sweets, chocolate and crisps which was basically a free for all. In my family it was a strict sweet ration on a Saturday morning only. Both DH and I have healthy diets now. But what should we do when DS of 15 months gets older? I am pretty much keen to avoid him eating junk for as long as possible, DH feels that you shouldn't make things forbidden or it makes it more attractive... any tips appreciated!

we are a bit more in-between as we neither have a strict 'one day only' or a 'free for all'. The sweets are in a box in the cupboard so it is a case of 'out of sight out of mind' although ds (15 months) seems a bit more keen on them than his 4 year old sister!! - he doesnt get something every time he indicates he wants them but it is me or dh who is in charge of when and what they get.

No you shouldn't avoid it altogether, but you shouldn't allow them to totally overindulge either, it will only result in tears. If you are in the situation where your DS wants to join in the free for all, allow him a certain number and then tell him you will take some home for him. He will appreciate it much more because it will make the treats last much longer. Instead of gorging himself all in one go he will be able to have a few the next day as well. It does get a bit annoying when family members just totally overlook your own rules, but saying that it does need to be give and take on both sides.
I think it's great you are trying to avoid junk, there is far too much crap being offered to kids these days, and you have definitely got the right idea trying to develop a strategy before it actually happens, good luck!!!

we have something in between too. Basicaly the kids have a biscuit tin, and it has all sorts in it, choccy buttons, boxes of raisins, yoghurt raisins, cereal bars, gingerbread men, other treats, so there is a mix of naughty and not-too-naughty. They are allowed something from it for pudding if they have been good, along with fruit or yoghurt. I think this helps them understand that some things are 'treats' and not really very good for you, but that they don't hurt you if you eat healthily the rest of the time and exercise etc ....

Have never banned anything but we have a rule of one-a-day-only. So as a maximum they can have 1 bag of crisps, 1 biscuit, 1 cake, 1 mini bar of chocolate each day. Sounds a lot but in reality they usually only take one or two of those things.

We have never had a sweet treat box because it is just too much temptation for all of us!! basically pudding or treats is limited to what we've got in, if we have no choccy bars but we have yoghurt in the fridge then that's that!

In our family the boys have only been allowed to snack between meals on fruit. This means that choc/sweets/crisps have always been fairly closely controlled.

They have fruit and yoghurt with meals too, but at the end of every meal can have a 'pudding' - cake or dessert usually, but sometimes sweets or chocs if we happen to have them lying around.

Now they are older (8 and 10) they sort out 'puddings' for themselves - from what is available at the time; but just one item.

In our family the boys have only been allowed to snack between meals on fruit. This means that choc/sweets/crisps have always been fairly closely controlled.

They have fruit and yoghurt with meals too, but at the end of every meal can have a 'pudding' - cake or dessert usually, but sometimes sweets or chocs if we happen to have them lying around.

Now they are older (8 and 10) they sort out 'puddings' for themselves - from what is available at the time; but just one item.

yes but me and DH really do eat them all after dark, and DC are old enough to understand that when they went to bed there was lots, when they woke up there was buggery all.
It was so much easier when they were babies and I could steal all the chocolate without having to explain myself to an 8 yr old and 10 year old.
My DD keeps reminding me that I owe her a big toblerone from 2 years ago. Really guys, it was an honest mistake!!!

Alittle of everything in moderation. If it were up to my dp he'd give dd really sugary sweeties more or less whenever she wanted but I only tend to allow her a sweetie after lunch only if she has eaten all her breakfast and lunch. Though most of my rl friends think I am really harsh as after playgroup each child is given a sweet and my dd is the only one who doesnt open hers and passes it to me (willingly might i add) when i collect her and tells me its for after her lunch

Wow I feel really mean now after reading all this. I hardly ever buy biscuits and sweets and no way would I let them have sugary stuff every day! They get crackers, fruit, yoghurts, breadsticks if they want snacks and seem happy with this. If we go to a cafe or they get a party bag, fine, they can have what they want. Equally with sugary drinks - only out of the house. The older 2 (6 and 4) now get a small amount of pocket money on Saturdays which they can use for sweets if they want. One usually does and one usually doesn't, so it obviously depends on the child whether they will "rebel" later.

I know I won't always have this much control but I'll use it while I have it. I think you're quite right to avoid junk as long as you can - it's easiest the first time round, much harder with dc2.

Our girls are allowed sweets (as in candy) at the weekend. On these days they have to have fruit for their pudding after a meal. During the week they are allowed a sweet pudding but ONLY afer a meal (no sugary snacks). When they do have sweets they are only allowed a small amount (ie one packet or bar of chocolate).
It horrifies me the amount of sweets some of their friends are allowed. (every day and several bars or packets)
So many kids at their schools seemed to be met by a mum opening a bag of "sugar" every day.

I think it depends a lot on the particular child, and also the expectations around sweets.

We have a tin in the kitchen which is easily within reach of DS, and whenever he gets sweets (Christmas, party bags, I buy some choc, etc) they go in the tin. Every so often (about every two days) he will say 'can I have some chocolate?' and then help himself to a small amount - but he just isn't voracious about it. But I have had to start moving the tim when friends come because they badger, raid or make surreptitious moves on the tin!

DS is sometimes offered whatever we might have for pudding - ice cream, yogurt or cake - but it isn't a set routine to have dessert, and if offered he will accept or not depending on whether he is still hungry or can be bothered to sit longer at the table!

If he had a differrnt approach to sweet stuff I would probably take a more rationing approach.

I have never offered sweets as a 'treat' anyway, including any form of 'eat this and you can have pudding'. Just as another form of something to eat, so don't know how much is cause and effect. But children are naturally differnt in their enthusiasm for food / sweet stuff.

We had an open tin of heroes in the living room over Christmas & if ds wandered into the living room before us there would be hundreds of empty sweetie wrappers all over the place!! He is 3.

dd is 6 & wouldn't think twice about reaching past the sweets for an apple. But then she wasn't really given that many sweets when she was small (pfb!) But when ds came along I relaxed a little, started cleaning his face with the dishcloth & let him have the odd chocolate button

We weren't allowed sweets at home when I was little, my mam used to lock them in her dressing table & only open it when she wanted goodies for my big brother's lunch box!! she used to open the dresing table drawer... then my sister would call her for something..she would leave the room, leaving the coast clear either for my or our other brother to go & nab 3 bars of choc, 3 bags of crisps or 3 cream eggs... whatever there was, but it had to be 3 or we would tell on each other!!

So now I don't hide sweets or anything, don't want to turn my children into thieves

Dh and I are both doing WW, so we would be pleased if the boys would hurry up and eat their christmas chocolates, so that they are not sat around taunting us.

After Christmas ds2 (8) went to stay at Grandma's for a few days. She had a huge tin of Roses and told him he could help himself whenever he liked, but not to make himself sick. (She thinks he's far too skinny and needs building up!)

He didn't eat many chocs at all though.

There's a test for pleasure deferment and self-control which involves putting two sweets in front of a child and saying he can have one now, or two if he waits 15 minutes.

If he has little self-control and ability to defer gratification, he'll take the one now.

Try this, and depending on the results of the test, you can leave the sweets as a free-for-all or on a rationing basis.

Have to say that my instinct would be to ration though and make them a reward. What are you going to bribe them with otherwise?

Well we have the big box of goodies but it is rationed by me. DS is quite fussy about what he likes - likes nice chocolate, doesn't like many "sweets" or lollipops. I tend to let him have something once a day but only if he asks. Sometimes he doesn't ask for a few days. If he asks more than once I point out that he has already had some that day and he has fruit or dry cereal in a bowl.

Did a sort out in the pantry yesterday and threw out lots of stuff going back to last Easter!

DH and I tend to like different things so we all have our own separate "stash"!

I like the unregulated but don't-much-keep-it-in-the-house approach.

Chocolate bix? Sure. Let's go to the shop and buy some. Child eats their fill of chocolate bix, the rest are taken to work (where the person who took them suddenly becomes falvour of the month - result). Not having them around reduces the bored browsing thing but sweet stuff is not doled out on the adult timetable.

(I've vacillated between no-holds-barred and just-don't-provide-it, and this is a compromise which works well for everyone here at the moment)

DSis ran the virtually unrestricted sweet drawer for a long time. When DN was 9 she stopped it because he was, contrary to her own theory, eating way to many sweets to the detriment of his weight and teeth.

We've chosen the strictly rationed road, and DSis was gobsmacked when DS refused chocolate buttons at her house the other day. I was surprised myself - normally he adores them!

the only unregulated snacks in our house is fruit.

I don't have crisps or chocolates or sweets in the house - but the dcs have them sometimes. Occasionaly there are packets of biscuits, but not frequently enough for th children to ask for them. There are also cereal bars, but we just use those as snacks to take out with us.

The other thing we always have around the house is homemade cakes (dd2 loves to bake!), so the children are allowed to snack on those.

My sil had a box with sweets, chocolates, crisps and biscuits in and her children (and ours when they visited) were never out of them#!

I try to restrict treats - we have a problem with milk shakes. it's all he wants to drink. he only has a tiny bit of syrup in to flavour the milk.
DS likes a fruit shoot when we are out but not indoors and we try to limit sweets as treats not kept indoors.
my ds is 2.9 and he doesn't have anything in between meals otherwise he wouldn't eat his dinner.

We have the same system as Pollyanna, even down to the occaisional homemade cake or biscuits. No sweets. I just don't see why we should have any in the house. It's bad enough trying to limit them from other people.