Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

My year one five year old boy is at the standard of a new reception child

63 replies

fairyfly · 18/11/2004 11:17

12 months behind they have just informed me in an incredibly patronising manner. He is happy and has all his confidence back and now they are going to drop him back a year. What did i do to fight his corner burst into tears. How bloody assertive.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
motherinferior · 18/11/2004 11:19

Oh honey.

Of course you burst into tears. I would have done too.

unicorn · 18/11/2004 11:23

How unsympathetic and awful of the school.

The main thing is he is happy, and has got his confidence back (which must be all down to you)..

Was there any discussion as to the best thing to do for him?

Can't they just provide him with a bit more help in the classroom- rather than drop him down?

jellyhead · 18/11/2004 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fairyfly · 18/11/2004 11:35

i took him in late today he was off yesterday. I knew i didn't want him to miss much school so i waited till his medicine and calpol were down and took him in after waiting a while to see if he was going to be ok. He cant swallow anymore. Usually i would leave him off but i no the pressure off the school from abscences. I have probably given a bug to the entire class but sod it, their choice. Anyway without a word of warning or any other negative feed back lately she collered me and said it wasn't on. I then justified my actions and pointed out i realise the importance of him being in, but illness is out of my control. She then went on about it and said really negative things about my son. I am still adamant he has had a lot to contend with and the fact he is happy and confident now is just as important.
On friday i saw his homework teacher and she said she was really pleased with him, i asked for extra work, she said he was coming on, i was so so proud.
Then this happens, i refuse to let all the hardwork of building him up again be lost when he is moved away from his best mates.
Im sorry jellyhead, each situation is different and i am sure you have made the best decision for your son. Mine at the moment needs no changes in his life its taken him too long to get happy.
Unicorn i have made an appointment and will ask for more help and even more homework.
I am disgusted that this hasn't been brought to my attention by telephone or appointment. I had trouble with him last year but i thought this year everything had changed.
mi, ive stopped crying now

OP posts:
Original poster
fairyfly · 18/11/2004 11:37

Jellyhead i mean im sorry in a sorry way that you had all this hassle not in a telling off way as it sounds when i just read it back

OP posts:
fio2 · 18/11/2004 11:40

I personally think they should provide your son with a classroom assistant first and see whether this helps him catch up. Also can they not give him some exercises (not the fitness type!) to do with you at home? I would try all other options first before putting him back a year. he has his mates in his class and as he is a sensitive little poppet anyway i think it would be too much of a knock for him at this stage. Go in and speak to the headteacher. tell them you are not happy in the way the teacher broached the subject with you either. it was very unprofessional and she shouldnt talk like that in front of your son. Also ask what "they" are going to do about it and why had they not mentioned it earlier? say you are not happy for him to be put back a year yet until other options have been explored. I think he would be happier kept with his peers.

Dont worry about crying in front of his teacher. You have had hell of alot to cope with in the last year or so. Dont let yourself get upset about it. you are a great mum. You give your kids loads of encouragement to be themselves and to have fun and be kids. they are only children once, let them enjoy it

Hopefully there will be some teachers that will know correct procedures and stuff and will help you soon. i know Cadbury was a teacher maybe she can help with what methods to use etc to help him

As i said to you before my sister was kept back a year when she was in the infants and when she left school she got 10 A's at GCSE level.

jellyhead · 18/11/2004 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fairyfly · 18/11/2004 11:48

Thanks Jellyhead thats good to know

OP posts:
beetroot · 18/11/2004 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
fairyfly · 18/11/2004 12:02

He has loads of extra homework and we do his spelling everynight and a book before bed. I have signs all over the house connecting things together. They say AND which is tied on two things. Or MY which is tied to his toys. I also have put post it notes in his bedroom with the names of things on etc

This entire subject sends me wild, academic achievement pressure at 5, it's lunacy.

I have just rang the head, she said she had no idea and would have to talk to his teacher before she could discuss it with me. What does that tell you. She also said don't worry these things can be sorted and it will all be fine i promise.
I have an appointment with her tomorrow.

OP posts:
popsycal · 18/11/2004 12:09

Ff - this should be a last resort measure in my opinion.

There are many man things they ought to have done first.

  1. Discuss with you on several occasions how they are giving him additional support with reading etc in school and how you can help him at home
  2. Have an 'Individual Education Plan' (IEP) in place for him. This is a legal document which his class teacher completes in conjunction with the SENCO which outlines his difficulties and the strategies which they are using to work on these. These should be revised every term/bi-yearly. You should have seen the document. The teacher should have talked it through with DS1 and you should have receieved copies of the reviews made by the class teacher. ask to see his IEP - tell them you assume he must have one since he is 12 months behind. What have been his IEP targets and how have they been commuinicated to DS1 and what have they done to ensure that progress has been made. To have an IEP in the first place, children must be receiving over and above normal support on the class room - ie will be having support from a classroom assistant. Work will be differentiated (adapted) more than is normally done for other kids that are struggling in the same class. Is there evidence of this? If there is no IEP, and he is struggling as much as they say he is, then demand an IEP. Demand to see it. Demand that you are sent each new one and have meetings to review. The school is legally obliged to do this!

Sorry - waffling. I don't know the school at all but from the bits I have heard from you, they seem to be 'opting out' - and this is simply not on!

You said you had a meeting. Ring in advance and ask to have copies of his IEPs provided.

popsycal · 18/11/2004 12:10

ps - it is neither the class teachers place or decision to keep him back a year

popsycal · 18/11/2004 12:10

and obviously - there are no so many 'man things' they could have done. no idea what i meant!

Original poster
fairyfly · 18/11/2004 12:17

Thanks so much Popsycal your a star. Im ringing up to ask now. Really need info like this. All the teacher said was she has to do work on her own with him and its not fair on the rest of the class.

OP posts:
popsycal · 18/11/2004 12:19

yes FF - but in every class I have ever taught there are kids who you have to spend time alone with.

In that case, he should definitely have an IEP - if he doesn't, then kick up a fuss. If he does, and you haven't been told, or seen it or the targets haven't been communicate informally to DS1, then also kick up a fuss,

popsycal · 18/11/2004 12:21

Ask for IEP to be given to you tonight - if he has one, then it should just be a case of making a photocopy.

Then you can read it before the meeting

motherinferior · 18/11/2004 12:30

Sorry not to have been more constructive before, FF. I didn't mean just 'cry and put up with it', obviously, I just knew I'd have gibbered and wept too.

Without knowing your son at all, I'd have thought it's bloody obvious he's gone through a hell of a lot recently and needs SUPPORT. He has the most brilliant mum but even you can't do everything.

fio2 · 18/11/2004 12:35

They should send the IEP home because you have to work on it with them aswell.

Good luck tommorrow FF

Original poster
fairyfly · 18/11/2004 12:39

I am glad you would have cried i felt a bit mental
My other boy btw has a letter saying he is ready for school now, so one finger up to the teacher i say.
I feel a lot better now i have my ammunition, i hate being made to feel small these day, left a message asking for his IEP
Jelly did you get one?

OP posts:
lou33 · 18/11/2004 13:25

Been out all morning, so only just noticed this. I'm sorry you had to be put through this ff, but you have had some great advice from everyone on this thread. Don't let them pressure you into dropping him back a year until you are sure they ahve explored every other possibility to help him before hand. Good luck xx

Original poster
fairyfly · 18/11/2004 13:42

Thanks Lou
Just had a big chat on the phone. He has no lea, not under any different supervision. She laughed and said thats for people with needs your son doesn't have. I laughed back and said i think 12 months behind is a pretty significant sign he does. She then told me i just need to not let him be ill again. I then said i am not going to raise my voice but i must point out that i am very angry just now, if my son is ill or not is out of my control. This argument could go round in circles, but the point is i will not drag my son out if he has tonsilitus etc. I then said a few days off this year does not justify the fact he is so behind and i want something doing about it other than being blamed for it. I want all his teachers, thew education welfare officer and you meeting with me as soon as possible. I said i was appalled by the way i was approached this morning and now this situation has been brought to my attention i want it solving and certainly not by moving him without anything else being tried.The head said the teacher never said that. grrrrr.
Anyway im glad it has happened nopw because i am going to fight for more help for him.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 18/11/2004 13:46

FF! Woweeeee!!!!!

Cor.

lou33 · 18/11/2004 13:47

i think it it beside the point why ds is 12m behind , they need to be taking measures to try and help him overcome this, and an iep would be the first step imo. If he is struggling he is struggling, and they should be helping him and you. Dropping him back seems overly drastic atm.

Original poster
fairyfly · 18/11/2004 13:52

Mi, feel sooo much better after that
Lou good point, they shouldn't be telling me all this but doing nothing about it, if he has a problem then it needs to be sorted whatever caused it. And informing me with the boy at my feet just causes more damage.

OP posts:
popsycal · 18/11/2004 13:53

HURRAH!!!

Good call mentioning EWO - shows you haev nothing at all to hide!!

Go armed with those questions that we discussed earlier....fight for support for hi,. If theywon't give it, then demand it - he is entitled....

and that bloody teacher of his should be strung up for saying the stuff she said to you without grounds.

i feel another letter coming on!