How do you handle it when your child says they hate you?

[Hekate]

Because ds1, aged 8, has just yelled down the stairs "I hate you Mum".

And I yelled back up, "Do you? Oh dear, that makes me sad, get back into bed now, night night."

And came right back to Mumsnet.

But now I'm wondering if I should have done something different.

He's started saying "you hate me" when he doesn't get his own way, to which I reply "I love you." but this is the first (of many I suspect) proper screamed and shouted declaration of his hate for mean old me.

So what do you all do?

I think you said just the right thing, if that's any help...bad old me would have probably said I hate you too, which wouldn't be helpful really.

I say 'Never mind darling, I love you.' It really annoys them.

Hekate, you could be me.

Did he have his 'angry eyes' on as well ??

"Well, I still love YOU" or "Great, my job is done then" or just let them have the last word and get over it. Depends on the situation.

I don't know, he screamed it from upstairs. He certainly got some rough growly venom into his voice!

"You don't have to like me, you just have to do what I say".

I heard myself, there, for a moment and LOL . Mine are a little younger but would like some more strategies when the tickling, ignoring, taking the mick (gently, of course) no longer works. OK, OK, occasionally, I am laconic - I simply can't help myself and it still goes over their heads .

"well i love you" in a sickly sweet oh so syrupy voice.

it irritates them and doesn't show that you are at all phased by what they have said as you know its just out of anger, all teh while re enforcing the fact that even when they behave badly you will love them unconditionaly

Do you think I should not have told him he had made me feel sad - should he not know he has that power, or is it better that he knows that his words can hurt?

Might it have been better to say "Do you? Oh dear, I love you, get back into bed now, night night."

either of your responses were good - I think he knows you love him anyway !

I hope he does. I tell him about a hundred times a day, anyway.

Thanks for your responses folks, sometimes it is good to measure yourself against your fellow parents, you know?

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Yes.

Perfect response, mine is always well I love you as many others here, really gets them angry

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I think you handled it brilliantly. I am taking notes.... and btw, don't measure yourself, hon - no need to.

Yes well handled hekate. It's perhaps worth pointing out, when he's in a better mood, how upsetting these words are. He may feel shame out of the heat of the moment.

Cod of course your kids don't hate you. You bought them a Wii.

Mine has never said it although called me a pointy nosed witch in all seriousness which ws his way of saying it without saying it iykwim.I think you handled it well

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they don't really understand the word and they probably say it to each other in the playground.

i tell them they're horrible if they say it.

you were fantastic. Next time throw him loads of squelchy kisses as well

My neice draws pictures of her mum when she's angry, really ugly and complete with stink lines. You've got to laugh, really!

My standard response is 'Well I LOVE you and you cant stop me ' usually followed by much tickling with younger DCs