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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

If your child was anxious about sleeping alone would you?

39 replies

binklebells · 30/12/2007 20:05

buy a smaller house?

I know that sounds ridiculous! We have a largish three story house. In recent months (basically since the MM incident) dd has become increasingly nervous about being left alone although she never has been even to the point that she is constantly freftul of whereabouts in the house we are.

She doesnt like to be in bed whilst we are downstairs. We have tried everything to reassure her but it generally ends up that one of us has to basically go to bed at the same time as her or be upstairs.

If the stair creaks she screams hysterically that we are going to go down and leave her, it is extremely draining.

To the point where I think it would be easier if we had a smaller house so she didnt feel as far away. What can we do to reassure her? We have covered all the usual approaches and are exhausted by her neurosis!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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colditz · 30/12/2007 20:06

I'd get a 2 way baby monitor or some walkie talkies. It's got to be cheaper than a house move!

Bluestocking · 30/12/2007 20:06

How about a walkie-talkie or intercom of some kind?

fpesha · 30/12/2007 20:08

How old is she?

stockingfiller · 30/12/2007 20:08

would soothing music playing quietly help to distract her from any other potentially scary noises?

Original poster

binklebells · 30/12/2007 20:10

we tried something similiar to that - she was constantly on it wanting to talk to us hours after bedtime until it eventually caused a lot of upset.

I kind of understand her point to a degree _ I remember hating being upstairs on my own myself as a child in a much smaller house than ours but she has definately only started this behaviour since the MM issue was mentioned at school (!) and nothing we do can shake her fear of being anywhere but basically bodily attached to one of us. She is 5.5 btw.

OP posts:

differentYearbutthesamecack · 30/12/2007 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

binklebells · 30/12/2007 20:24

I dont doubt that incident is what triggered this insecurity in dd even though it has no bearing or likeness to her life. I just have no idea at all how to undo the damage that has been done by her being aware of it. As I say it started with worrying about me leaving the house without her it has now got worse in that I cant even move freely AROUND the house without her fretting where I am and if I am approaching the front door!

OP posts:

blueshoes · 30/12/2007 20:31

Hi binklebells (bink?), just a stab in the dark - does your dd have a younger sibling?

juuule · 30/12/2007 20:31

I would let her fall asleep downstairs. Let her stay near you. She will eventually grow out of it.

Original poster

binklebells · 30/12/2007 20:33

No she is an only child. Would be great if she did have a sibling I could bung them in together then and thus solve the problem of the needing a new house (bungalow?!)

OP posts:

SueW · 30/12/2007 20:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

juuule · 30/12/2007 20:39

I can't really see how having a smaller house would help.

Original poster

binklebells · 30/12/2007 20:39

I really would like a smaller house too, this one is a flipping nightmare to clean!

So I can expect this to continue till she is what age Sue.....?

OP posts:

Original poster

binklebells · 30/12/2007 20:41

Just so she would feel closer to us. I know its daft but my I'm so worn out by it I'm not thinking rationally I suppose. As it stands her bedroom is the first by the stairs and she is around 30 stairs away from us. Maybe that feels like a lot to a worried little girl I feel upset for her but dont know how to help her without conceding completely to her whim basically

OP posts:

SueW · 30/12/2007 20:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Original poster

binklebells · 30/12/2007 20:43

Thanks Sue, just some idea of coping mechanisms would be great as it is really wearing. We dont get any adult time to enjoy as we are continually being 'monitored' by her!

OP posts:

lennygirl · 30/12/2007 20:46

Message withdrawn

juuule · 30/12/2007 20:47

'conceding completely to her whim'? If she's frightened, I wouldn't say it was a whim. Is there nowhere downstairs that you could settle her until you all went up to bed?

lennygirl · 30/12/2007 20:48

Message withdrawn

MeMySonAndI · 30/12/2007 20:48

Please excuse my ignorance, but what is the "MM incident"?

MeMySonAndI · 30/12/2007 20:48

Idiot me, the coin has finally dropped!

Original poster

binklebells · 30/12/2007 20:50

I have to say the house is very secure, all the interior doors are locked onto the hallway. We also have a very large (though very soft!) dog. I think she is more worried of us leaving her than someone coming in. I also sleep with a nightlight and have the occasional fretful night but I dont think I have projected this onto her as I've gone out of my way not too, it is definately a development since may - before that - no real problem. She is also like this in the car. When I get out if I dont open her door straight away say, I get something out of the boot she will scream that I am going to leave her in the car! Exhausting and completely without foundation - we have never, ever left her anywhere at anytime.

OP posts:

Original poster

binklebells · 30/12/2007 20:52

juule, I just mean, I dont want it to become anymore of a method of control over us than it already is. I dont think it would be a good idea for her to fall asleep downstairs everynight and get into the habit of that tbh, particularly when she is back at school.

OP posts:

MeMySonAndI · 30/12/2007 20:53

I don't think that buying a smaller house would help, she needs to be reasured that everything will be fine. I would allow her to sleep with me for a while and then gradually move her back to her room.

I really have no idea if the following will be a good or bad idea but, if you can not make her forget about the story, you may concentrate in saying that nothing will happen to her because, unlike MM parents you are in the house and anyone who wants to get to her bedroom would need to pass by yours first?

But then I suppose you have already gone through that one. In any case probably a child psychologist may end up being a more convenient and cheaper option than moving house. (Yeah I know, I would think it a zillion times before getting mine to a psychologist but if the thing is reaching fobia proportiions...)

juuule · 30/12/2007 20:54

If it was my child, I would keep her near me as much as she wanted and I was able. Time invested with her now could build her confidence up enough for this to pass more quickly than if you keep trying to push her away. (Not saying that you are doing that but that's what it might feel like to her)

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