Seven-month-old still not sleeping through the night

[Lookydo]

My ds is nearly seven months old and is still not sleeping through the night. Any advice/tips as to what we can try to get him to sleep through? Don't think we can face Controlled Crying, but we're considering getting dh to try a bottle of water in the night - the theory being it won't be worth ds waking up for. At the moment he wakes up and wants to breastfeed 3 or 4 times a night. Sometimes I hear him wake and he DOES go back to sleep, so it's not as though he can't put himself back to sleep. In the day he's taking solids well - 3 meals a day - and has 2 formula feeds aswell. He goes down really well at 7.30pm and I don't feed him to sleep or anything. In fact, I feel rather cheated because I feel like I've followed all the advice and made sure we haven't created any bad sleep habits - ie. feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep etc. So why isn't he sleeping through? Any advice/your experiences gratefully received.

NB He sleeps in a cot in his own room (only moved him out of our room 6 weeks ago). He is teething at the moment, but as he's never slept through the night I don't know how much longer I can keep making excuses for why he's waking up.

I know some mumsnetters think you should just live with a situation like this, but I really want to change it if I can. I just keep imagining what it'll be like in a year's time when I still haven't slept properly and I'll look back to this period and wished I'd bloody done something! I feel SOOO knackered all the time. And surely I shouldn't still be a walking zombie by now. Also, my health visitor said that if you don't get the sleeping through cracked before the 8 month stage, the waking habit can become very ingrained.

Help!

imdreaming - We did pretty much the same thing. I was still breastfeeding at the time, so it was up to DH to comfort DD when she woke at night. He would walk around with her, sing to her, pat, shh, rock, etc anything to get her back to sleep. Then he would put her down for a couple of minutes to cry, to see if she would go back to sleep. If not, he would pick her up again. He did this for two nights. She did not wake up the third night and hasn't since, unless she is ill.

I don't know where you get the impression that babies don't need to eat at night at 12 months, but I was told by DD's paediatrician at 4 months that babies don't physically need to be fed at night at that age, and that any night feeding is out of habit, not need. Obviously, that was the case, since once the habit was broken she never again wanted to be fed at night.

Mine both slept most of the night from about 11am till 6am soon after a month old, and were well settled into it by 3 months. But there's nothing clever about it - I was just lucky.

And for what it's worth, we went through a period of HELL when ds1 was 3 and ds2 about 18 months, with both of them suddenly starting to wake 2 or 3 times a night.

Children are individuals, as others have said.

Last night was actually a big improvement. Yey! He must have been helped by all your positive vibes. Was only up with him twice, which is a real breakthrough. Maybe what CorrieDale said about ?a few weeks might be all that's needed? will come true. Thanks all of you for your comments. Really helpful.

Frazzled - I don?t think you?re a nutter at all. You?re talking a lot of sense as far as I?m concerned. Thank you. When he cries in the night I go to him and breast feed him. I?m probably going to him too quickly, but we?ve had lots of people staying recently so I?m aware of not waking everyone up. And also my dh starts work pretty early most mornings so I worry about his sleep. Have just started sshh-ing him and stroking his back which does seem to work if it?s early on ? ie. before 11pm. After that point only feeding seems to console him.

Trinity ? ?I haven't had more than 3 hours straight for 2 and a half years?. God, I feel for you SO much. I don?t mean to sound unsympathetic, but I really hope I?m not in your shoes in 2 years time! It does seem abnormal to me that my ds isn?t sleeping through. All my ante-natal lot?s babies are. They look at me like I?m mad when I say he?s still not sleeping through. And don?t get me wrong, I don?t care what other people think. I just want a good night?s sleep!

NineUnlovely ? great tips, thank you. Have read the No Cry Sleep Solution but he just screams if I try to reduce the length of his night feeds as suggested.

Aberdeenhiker ? thanks for info re. water. I had a feeling that tactic might be a bit liked CC with a prop. Sounds like that?s the case. ?Sleep deprivation can be a serious health issue? ? such a good point. I?ve felt my lowest at my tiredest. I just want to crack this so that I can be the best mum I can be. Some days I really don?t feel like I?m being much good for him. And as we?ve just decided that I?m going to stay home rather than go back to work I?ve got to get this sorted because I?m going to be such a big influence on his learning/development. I do nap during the day when things get really bad but I kind of associate that as something you do with a newborn ? not 7 bleedin? months down the line! But hey ho. Needs must.

Elasticwoman ? re. teething help - yes, using bonjela, Ashton?s powders + baby paracetamol if he?s really sore. Not keen on the idea of co-sleeping because he?s only been out of our room a month (and I was SO ready for that!). Am giving him formula in the day because I?m in the process of cutting back on the breast feeding. He did have tummy ache when he started on solids but he seems fine on that front now. And yes, I do have to change his nappy at night. In fact, that?s something I forgot to say earlier ? at least one of his night wakings is down to the fact that he?s wet through, which is SOOO frustrating. And it?s a vicious circle ? the more he wakes to feed the more likely it is he?s going to wake wet. Have tried lots of different brands of nappy & I don?t offer him water after his tea now to try and reduce his weeing. Any other advice on this v gratefully received.

CoteDAZur ? I?d really appreciate any practical advice you can give. You?re spot on about the fact I don?t want to here ?Suffer. That's what we all do?. Thanks for the info about what your dh did to break your dd's night feeding habit. I think we'll give that a try.

MellieandMin ? daytime naps seem to be going fine. 2 hours from 10am, then another hour in the afternoon (approx 3pm). So 3 hours in total.

Cote - sorry you seem to have misunderstood me (the way I wrote) you are probably right in saying that most babies don't need food at 4 months but my DD2 was a hungry baby and I think she did need feeding at night and I didn't want to deprive her.

12 months is my personal limit when I said enough is enough I need some sleep I knew by then she was getting enough during the day and it was habit, she was also getting too big and boisterous to cosleep. I think the limit thing is very personal TBH you did at 4 months what I did at 12, maybe with this next one I will change my mind and say enough is enough earlier.

DD2 is the same as someone else's DB in that she was actually worse if picked up and cuddled it seemed to set her off more. She was (and still is) very food orientated and I think once she realised there was no milk on offer there was no point waking up.

All this 'lower your expectations' stuff is fine - unless you are the one seriously sleep deprived.

I don't blame babies for waking up. To be honest, I'd wake up six times a night if I knew someone would feed me a bacon sandwich.

OP I think you have to trust your instinct. If you are so tired that you can't parent as well as you think you should, and you feel that your child is secure enough in their attachment, then I think you should trust your instinct. We, as I said just now, managed it with a bit of cross crying, but not the sort of crying that turns you inside out as a parent, and were comfortable with that.

Its nice to see others dont think im a nutter, thanks everyone
I hope everyone gets their sleep at some point in their lo life

Lookydo

Nappies - we use the 12 hour dry nappies and they do last the whole night for us.

Milk - not sure if you are still BF (sorry, too long to read back now!) but I changed to hungry baby formula for the nighttime only and it bought us 2 more hours straight away.

Bedtime Toy - I was told to create a bedtime toy that stays in the cot and smells of them that they can locate in the middle of the night if needing some comfort and can self settle. We have 2 pink bunnies that rotate through the wash and work a treat. I forgot to pack one for Nursery last week and she really struggled poor little thing - nasty mummy!

The only other thing I did was changed/fed in total silence but made sure I did lots of kissing! When she wakes from a day nap of in the morning I make a big show of opening the curtains, when she woke in the night I would not even turn a light on to try to show the difference of when it is ok to get up and when she needed to go back to sleep. Much fumbling around but it did seem to help.

Hope something here helps a little.

Lookydo - Basically, you cut out the night feeds and somehow get DS back to sleep without feeding. If you are breastfeeding, it is best if your partner/husband does this (while you sleep ) because baby will smell the milk on you. This will probably last 2-3 nights (friends' & our experiences), and your he will sleep through from then on.

The idea is that you are not leaving DS alone to cry, your dp/dh will be there with him, but there just won't be any feeding. Soon, he will realize that being rocked about and shh-shhed is not worth waking up in the night for.

Give some water too if you wish (and if your DS takes it). We tried that but DD wasn't having any of it.

Good luck. Once you start on this path, don't turn back. It will be tough for a couple of nights but full night's sleep awaits you on the other side

Unfortunately it doesn't always work, Cote.
Never worked for us. I think the key phrase is "somehow get DS back to sleep". We never found a way to do that

Might work for you though, Lookydo Worth a try.

juule - how long did you persist? DH was up for a very long time getting DD back to sleep, especially the first night. I still remember the chilling looks he gave me as I occasionally opened my eyes (no problem sleeping with screeching baby in background) and asked if he was still walking around with DD

You cannot seriously say that your baby did not go back to sleep without milk and stayed up screaming All Night. He will be exhausted and sleep at some point. Or did you give in and gave him milk to make him sleep? Which only taught him that if he screams for long enough, milk will come.

What age was your baby/child when you tried this? I am told that it gets harder & takes longer when you leave this to later. The longest I ever heard was a 2 year old, who took 6 days to sleep through. How long did you persist before giving up?

Long time ago now cote, but memories of hanging over cots with eyes shut willing a baby to sleep who wouldn't. Made no difference if he had milk or not. Offered water. Gave milk. Not interested. He was awake and wanted picking up or patting on the back. In hindsight I realise he didn't want to be alone. Screamed if he woke up alone. Screamed if you stopped patting him. And he could keep it up for hours.

juule's, my dcs are like yours.

They would not be left alone at night. By 5 minutes, they would be so hysterical if they were hungry, all would have been forgotton in favour of survival screeching. The only way they would have gone down is from sheer exhaustion after hours of screaming and choking sobs. Even if I tried to comfort them by then, they would be inconsolable.

I never got to this stage.

To persist would be breaking my dcs' will. With my dcs (not saying all babies are like this), this is what is would have taken for CC to work. Broken co-sleeping is a minor inconvenience in comparison - it does not last forever.

I have to say, Lookydoo, it didn't work for us either! We nightweaned DS at 10 months because he was consuming virtually all his calories after dark. It took just 3 night to nightwean him but he continued to wake in the night for a good few months thereafter. What did eventually work was to give him so much exercise once he was able to walk confidently that he was too shattered to even think about cot-aerobics!

I bfed DS2 to sleep at 12.40am because he woke up unhappy and asked for milk. He rarely does this, so I was fine doing it. He then slept till 8.20. I was still dreamfeeding him when he was 12mo, but I cut that out about then. If I'd stopped feeding him in the night when he was 4mo - well, let's just say I don't believe that all babies are capable of going that long at that age.

Yes, I'm still breastfeeding at night. Already have bedtime toy, no interaction during night feeds etc. I can't tell you how many books I've read on the whole sleep issue! That's why I feel slightly cheated that I haven't been rewarded with buckets of sleep in return, but like everyone's said they're all individuals etc etc. I'm gonna choose to ignore those of you who have said not feeding in the night hasn't worked . In CoteDAzur we trust! DS doesn't have a problem going to sleep on his own (it's just the waking up bit that's the problem) so I'm feeling fairly optimistic. Added bonus that it's DH who has to get up in the night for a change!
'A full night's sleep awaits you on the other side'. Those words will be ringing in my ears. DH is off next week so we're going to go for it then. Ta ta for now. And thanks again everybody.

Hunker - your DS2 and my DD2 really are cosmic twins, must have been a very unusual lining up of the stars that week in January!

Lookydoo - as someone else said "once you start don't look back" you will have a few nights of feeling terrible when he's unsettled and crying but it will be worth it in the end. Best of luck x

They really are, aren't they, SK?! We should introduce them one time - blinking geography in the way, but I'm sure that's overcomeable!

hi, there are no right or wrong things to do in how to get babies off to sleep. we are all differant and so are babies. don't beat yourself up over anything, and don't compare yourself to others, and when they ask 'is he/she a good baby? what they mean is 'sleeping through yet?'.Just say 'yes' and see how their reaction is so differant to when you say 'no he bloody isn't'. I have 3 kids and they were all differant in how they got through the night. my last one (22 months old now), was breast fed all day, but his last feed was a BIG bottle of warm milk, huggies nappy not pampers as they weren't any good for him, and then pickup putdown technique (baby whisperer) took appx 3 days/nights. if you start it, do it at a weekend when you got help around and try to see it through, as you will have to eventually anyway! good luck.

Good luck Lookydo - Cote D'azur is my baby sleep guru too!

Tried the nil by mouth approach with my DD2 at 5 months, but after 4 nights, although I didn't feed her, she was still waking once at about 3am so I decided it was too soon but I will try again when she's on 3 meals a day in a few weeks time.

I did the same with my DD1 when she was well established on solids (7 months ish) and it took just 2 nights - one pretty awful, one bearable (20 mins) and she slept through the third night, and has been a great sleeper ever since. I have to say, with DD1, I found that the more either me or DP went in to pat and soothe, the more agitated she became and it just prolonged the crying - so we just sneaked a peek every few minutes to check she wasn't stuck in the cot bars or anything.

One other thing I found was that once I had stopped the night feeds with DD1, she took to her solids with much more gusto, so it also helped in that respect as well.

Thanks, Bodkin. Great to know it works. Here's to lots of lovely sleep!

Lookydo, please let us know if it works, I'd be v interested!

hello.
i have dd 2.8 and ds 4m not sleeping thru
i dont believe people who boast their dc sleeps thru, sleeping thru means to me from 8 till 8 or 12-11 hours no waking up
i have friend who said her ds sleeping thru, actually hv said due to her ds not sleeping at night she asked hv to visit her home. i dont controlled crying so if im lucky i get up 3-4 times.