I would really like very short answers to this please.

[NAB3hundredbaubles]

When your son is back chatting/being rude/refusing to do what one has asked. do you

1. Ignore even though this means you don't get what you want done.
2. Physically make him - by picking up etc, not by smacking.
3. Keep repeating until they eventually do do as you have asked.

1. Er, no.
2. Er, no, not in this case.
3. Couldn't even bebopthered to read but probably no again.

So is this a specific thing that has happened? It might be easier to think what we might do if we had a few more details. As I said before, different things sometimes need different approaches.

As I said in the OP, it was back chatting, being rude and refusing to do as I asked. He is 6 and 9 months.

Back chat and being rude are usually met by me with 'the look'. I would probably say that I couldn't carry on speaking if they didn't remember their manners and that I would come back in a few minutes to see if they were in a better mood.
Refusing to do as I asked? I would try a selection or all of the following. I would give a couple of reminders. They might get a quick rundown of how we all help each other. Depending on what it was I might ask if they wanted any help. I might leave whatever needs doing until they do it in their own time. If it really needed doing, then I'd probably do it myself.

NAB, you really should bother to read emmagains last post. It was spot on and exactly the approach that I think works best.

However emma I think you're in a minority in your approach of not wanting to acheive 'authority' but wanting to acheive mutual respect. People are often actually too frightened of their children to take that approach. But as you so rightly, rightly say you are storing up a reservoir of respect and good relations that will absolutely pay off during the teenage years.

I totally agree with you and juule.

NAB do open your mind and read; emma's not meaning to be annoying to you, it's just another approach and believe me IT WORKS.

Have read it now but I still think my children are young enough that Mum is boss.

but the thing is Nab, ARE you boss? I wouldn't think you'd have been posting this thread if you were, IYSWIM.

Getting kids to do things by negotiation, agreement, games and challenges is not copping out of the parental authority role - it is using it in the best kindest and most productive way. Your kids KNOW you are boss; they know it in their bones, of course they do, but actually if you try to impose authority just for the sake of it they will challenge you; yes they are kids but they are human beings and NO human being responds well to orders. They respond to knowing clearly what is expected and what the consequence will be if they don't do their part.

With backchat the thing that really works ime is to always talk to them with respect and kindness and to simply not engage with them when they are rude; "I don't talk to people who speak to me like that".

I don't order my kids about. I asked him to do something, he back chatted me and had been rude for a lot of the day. I had had enough. Of course there will be times when I don't have the authority and I know I am losing control but I am not perfect, sometimes it is all fine. Sometimes not. I was trying to get new prespectives.

well, I'd say you've had some of those