Have a 14 mth old dd and i feel like i am a bad mother.

[MsSparklingXmasTree]

I feel drained this week because dd has been a nightmare. In her defence she has been teething (molars) and she had the infamous MMR jab too on Tuesday.

She won't drink her morning or bedtime milk for some reason, she has always loved her milk and always drank the full beaker. She throws major tantrums at meal times and knocks the spoon from my hand (i have been mashing everything up so it won't hurt her teeth too much) and if i give her the spoon to try and feed herself she doesn't eat anything. If on the other hand i give her a chip or something "naughty", she eats that with no problem which makes me wonder if it is the teething that's making her not eat or whether she is just being fussy. Surely if the teeth were hurting her she wouldn't eat chips?

The other thing that bugs me is how well behaved she is round her grandparents, playing with toys, drinking all her water etc but with me she won't sit and play with toys, she always wants attention and is very whiney. She has also started hating being in her pushchair, she throws major tantrums now when she is in it. I egnore the tantrums and don't fuss over her because i don't want her to be a horrid child who whines to get her own way. She often lies there with her thunb in her mouth hating me and i feel like a bad mum who's daughter is going to grow up hating me.

It's all getting me down, it's like i have a different child. I miss my lovely little girl. Will it get better?

ah now THAT is a phase and it is awful and you DO have to come down on them like a tonne of bricks. they all do it at some point or another, don't worry, soon it'll be your baby getting biffed.

(actually, that's kind of what i meant about keeping my powder dry with the NO! )

Thanks PCB that makes me feel better as atm it seems its only mine who has gone from curly haired cutie to sylvester stallone. Would be happy if she went back to unloading drawers...

Kerala - we're still in that phase and it's been a while. We come down hard on him for hitting and he even says sorry but lessons are never learned! I do figure he'll grow out of it.

What does help us is to make sure he has enough sleep and to get him some run around time outside to burn off energy. Also, some 1to1 time with him - it can be rare in our house with DD around.

And I agree - emptying drawers, eating raw pasta and putting my mobile in the cats water bowl for a bath are quite cute by comparison!

Bless your DD - sounds like she is having a miserable week

What i have found really helpful when things have got tough with my DD (who is just 2) is to make sure what I am expecting from her is reasonable at her age. I guess i am wondering if you are expecting a little bit too much of your DD at the moment? When you are saying no and asking DD not to touch or explore something she finds interesting, you are telling her to inhibit herself from doing something that is fundamental to her development, and to stop being interested in the one thing she most wants to do at that moment. This skill relies on the frontal part of a child's brain being really well developed, and this just isn't the case in 14 month old toddlers. So your DD has the knowledge and skills to know what she wants, but not necessarily the ability to stop herself doing it. Young children who do inhibit themselves at this age do so out of fear, rather than because they are being 'good'. That is to say, they have developed a sense that something 'bad' might happen if they do this. In the long term this does nothing to help a child learn to behave appropriately for the right reasons, and in fact can get in the way of this process.

Of course its fine to say 'no', but then the easiest way of dealing with it is to distract them to do something much more interesting!!

I'm also with PCBH on the cuddle front - the only thing that giving DD a cuddle when she is very upset will say to her is that you love her and that you know it feels horrid to get upset. This would only reinforce her behaviour if this is the only time she got a cuddle - which clearly isn't the case for you as young sound like a lovely mummy. It sounds like you are really worried about 'reinforcing' bad behaviours by giving in to them - if this is the case the only thing you need to avoid is the particular issue in question - any other strategy, such as cuddles or distraction, won't cause any problems at all in the long run.

I do generally think that until toddlers are much older, the most effective way of preserving your sanity and way keeping your relationship positive is to avoid conflict as much as possible. This doesn?t need to mean ?giving in?, rather some careful planning on your part ? like timing shopping with the buggy for nap time. DD is always happy to sit in her buggy for a healthy snack, and i am quite happy that as she won't need to use the buggy much longer, it doesn't matter if i use this strategy all the time!!