Anyone know anything bout selective mutism?

[DrNortherner]

A friends ds who is 3.5 has suddenly stopped speaking. He was always very shy and would rarely speak in social situations but would be fine at home and nursery, now he has been mute for 5 consecutive days at home plus mute at nursery for a few weeks now and my friend is going out of her mind with worry.

She has an older son who has a autism and is worried it may be connected?

Anyone any experience of this?

Thanks

i dont have any experience of this in children but i support people with learning disabilities and one of the woman i support stopped speaking at the age of 8, she now only speaks to her family in private and two of her friends when there is no-one else around, when she stopped speaking it wasnt questioned and she wasnt offered any help from any medical/mental health experts, i believe that is why to this day, 35 years years later, she still does not communicate, i think the best thing for your friend to do would be to speak to some one profesional for advice, i wouldnt advice her to put pressure on him to talk as this may lead him to retreat into himself even more, she could also use other means of communicating in the mean time, simple signs, photos, pictures. its also important to remember that just because he isnt speaking it doesnt mean you cant still talk to him as usual, even if you think he wont answer. i hope your everything goes ok for your friend and she gets the support she needs

Hi,My son is 6 and has selective mutism.

He does'nt talk at school at all but does talk at home but finds social situations difficult.
With my son they discounted any links with autism.
Am not sure if the two are connected.

Was there anything that happened at nursery that could have triggered her sons muteness?

With my son we think it may be because he has a speech disorder and displays perfectionist traits so hates to get anything wrong.
We think he fears that people will not understand him .

If it is SM then SM is anxiety based so at no point should pressure be put on him to speak or have too many questions put to him as there is that expectancy to answer and therefore talk.

This could regress him even further.

Is there any way your friend could stay and help out in the nursery at all?
Having her around may build up his confidence and if he talks to her in nursery it will get him used to talking again in that enviroment.
Maybe in another room to start with to gage his response.

Ido this with my son.
The "sliding in technique" and we read in another part of the school and gradually work towards talking in the classroom and introducing other children/teachers in to the session.
Although as your friend has'nt had a DX it may not be SM at all.

She would be best to got o her GP and voice her concerns and he will refer her to someone who can help.

I have found that is still a lot of ignorance surrounding SM and it is still quite rare although becoming more known.

Don't be fobbed off with he is just shy or being stubborn.SM is not about stubborness.
It is an inability to talk in certain situations NOT A CHOICE.
It is anxiety based and a phobia of speaking.

Your friends DS may not have SM but I could recommend some books to read and a good orginisation that has guided me and made me think "yes that's just like my ds"

Tell tour friend to go with her instincts .

I am by no means an expert but have been dealing with my ds's SM for 2 and a half years now so if there is anything she would like to ask me will try and help.

HI cat64-the book you are refering to is brilliant and has been a great help.

It is "The selective mutism resource manual "by Maggie Johnson and Alison Wintgens.

You can get a copy on Amazon from between £25 -£25.
It is a very useful tool for parents and schools.

There is a yahoo talk group especailly for SM and Maggie Johnson is a contributor to the threads and has advised me no end when I have been banging my head againest a brick wall to get people to understand SM.

DrNortherner it may worth your friend asking if the nursery has a copy .
Another book I found invaluable was "Helping your chils with selective mutism"by Angela.E.McHolm,also from Amazon.

My son's school SENCO and school nurse had'nt eveen heard of it until I brought it up in a meeting and they are now looking at getting a copy for the school.

Thanks everyone. I spoke to her today and she has a meeting with the Health Visitor tomorrow. She is very worried bless her and is blaming her self.

I might point her in this direction. In the menatime I will continue speaking to her ds as normal shall I and not comment when he doesn't answer.

HI DrNortherner,tell her not to blame herself.
Esaier said than done as I know I did and still do to some extent.
It is very difficult as you take for granted that your child will naturally speak .

Hope she gets some help and guidance.

AS for her DS just talk to him as normal.
I find with my ds that not making a big thing about it helps and no direct questions.
It's all about being relaxed and no pressure.

cat64-that's brilliant.

It is such a major step forward and a big acheivement for the little girl.

You sound as though you have real passion in what are you are doing.

My son has a statement now and we are waiting for someone to be employed to work 1:1 with him.
Let's hope he gets someone as dedicated as yourself.

DrNortherner-let us know please how your friend gets on with the HV.

My friends son has selective mutism. He is in my daughters class and won't talk in school, although he does talk to other children. He told his mum that one day he tried to say something in class and it came out as a squeak and everybody laughed, after that he refused to speak in class. My daughter sits with him for maths and often reads his answers out for him.

I gave him a lift the other week and he wouldn't talk to me but I could hear him talking to DD behind us.

christywhisty-that's very interesting.
My ds has a speech disorder and sometimes he has problems pronouncing certain sounds.
THat with his SM has made him anxious about no one being able to understand him.

Once on the way home from school a boy in DS's class heard him talking to me and said he sounded babyish.

My DS would not talk to other childen unless it was someone in the family he knew and trusted not to make fun of him.

It's good your daughter is there to help him and he has someone he feels comfortable with and can trust.
It's a good sign that he talks to your DD out of class and maybe in time will transfer that to the classroom,maybe whispering to your DD.

My DS will also be talking away whilst we are out shopping etc but as soon as he sees someone he knows from school will stop talking.

How old is your friends son?
Hope she and him are getting the support they need.

He is 9.
He will talk to other children, but won't talk to adults at all now. He used to, as when we gave him a lift to a party once he was really chatty and giving us a bit too much information about his family.

There was a programme on tv last year or maybe late '05 about selective mutism, and it was that programme that made me and my parents realise that I had suffered from SM in primary school. It was a real relief to know what it was, let me tell you!

There was a good website I found at the time, full of all the information I needed to find out about SM. http://www.selectivemutism.org/ I think it's this one. It also had posts from people who suffer/suffered form it and it was like listening to myself speak.

In my case I moved abroad when I was 10 and it was as if the change of scene and school was the trigger I needed to present myself differently to my peers, and I changed straight away to being a 'talking child'. Obviously that is an extreme solution to it and I am not suggesting your friend does that!

The great thing is that your friend is catching this from the start and can find the right advice and help to deal with it now, rather than finding out years later what it was.

Wishing her and her DS all the best.

I think it's this one