Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

DS1 - again............

31 replies

NAB3littlemonkeys · 02/12/2007 17:23

Me to DH: Can you set the beeper and everything that isn't tided away will go in the bin.
DS I'm not tidying up.
Me: okay, go up to bed, everything of yours will go in the bin
DS well, that's just wasting your money.

We have told him he loses all his toys and they will go in the roof

DS - You don't love me then

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MarsLady · 02/12/2007 17:24

Bless their wee manipulative hearts!

ChasingSquirrels · 02/12/2007 17:25

ignore it, put the toys in the roof, I don't love you is a common response, don't take it personally, if he can't tidy his toys up then tough. umm, how old is he?

themulledsnowmanneredjanitor · 02/12/2007 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChasingSquirrels · 02/12/2007 17:27

i say "if i have to tidy up your toys will be going away". I used to say bin, but then thought I won't follow this through so said away - and they have done. Only happened a few times though.

Enigmama · 02/12/2007 17:33

Answer - "My love for you is not proven by how many toys you have available to play with. Now move it."

Camillathechicken · 02/12/2007 17:34

did you take his toys off him?

don;t make threats you cannot or will not follow through

i have taken DS's PSP or pokemon cards away from him as a punishment, and he has had to earn them back with good behaviour.

they all try the you hate me/ i hate you , you don;t love me/ i don;t love you card

they know how to press the buttons, don;t give in to it!

coby · 02/12/2007 17:59

anything DD1 3.5 and DD2 18 months do not tidy away between them (with some help form me where neccessary) is put in one of those tub truggs and they aren't allowed to play with it the next day. It only takes a day for them to get the message as they have favourite toys they play with everyday so one day apart from them and they are sorely missed. You may need to keep them away for 2 days or more for effect with your DS.

I'm a nasty mummy (according to DD1) and only give them one chance to do as they are told. i.e Me 'put toys away please', DD1 = no, Me 'please put them away or you can't play with them tomorrow', if DD1 still shows no interest in tidying up she gets them taken away. DD1 - 'I don't love you!' Me, 'well I love you and you can't stop me!' start tickling fight, do not back down on toy confiscation!

Original poster

NAB3littlemonkeys · 02/12/2007 18:15

He is 6 and 8 months.

I probably wouldn't bin them. I would offer them on here or put them in the roof.

Hubby has put loads away. He feels they have too many and don't know what to play with. I do think he has a point, I also think DS1 needs more grown up stuff perhaps but then it is almost Christmas and he will get things then.

His Dad told him to make his bed, he said he tried and tried and couldn't do it. He did his pillow. I made his bed. Asked him if he really felt I didn't love him. He said yes. We sit down to do his school book, Weather Atmosphere. Do a few pages and then Daddy comes in and I say it is a Daddy book. (He normally does the reading each night, and subject matter is more his thing.) DS1 says no and snuggles in to me. I, very childishly, said no, if you think I don't love you.

We are all feeling it this weekend as we have had a sudden bereavement, but I know you know my probs with DS1 (not that he is a bad kid) and I still think all this would have happened as it has.

OP posts:

Enigmama · 02/12/2007 18:27

Nab if he thinks you don't love him please don't respond by proving it.

Original poster

NAB3littlemonkeys · 02/12/2007 18:28

What??????????????????????

OP posts:

Camillathechicken · 02/12/2007 18:40

enigmama.. children say that to make their parents upset, in the heat of anger.. i absolutely think Nab is doing the right thing.. how on earth is she proving she does not love him!

Original poster

NAB3littlemonkeys · 02/12/2007 18:41

Thank you CTC. You have helped me a lot in the past and I would value your opinion and advice. (Still see you as lulumama in my head though. )

OP posts:

Pitchounette · 02/12/2007 18:48

Message withdrawn

Original poster

NAB3littlemonkeys · 02/12/2007 18:50

I always tell him I love him when he says I don't. I did cuddle him, but I wanted his Dad to read the book with him. He has been a real PITA for the last few days and God knows I am trying my best, which isn't good enough, which is why I am on here looking for advice.

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 02/12/2007 18:50

I think it is probably the last bit about not doing his reading with him - which NAB said in her post was childish.
It is probably best not to bring up the issue again, ie if they won't put the toys away then they go away, but that is the end of it - don't spend bathtime and reading time and bedtime druming it into them.
What's best isn't what happens everytime though, we are none of us saints and let our own emotions get in the way of what might be the best course of action.

ChasingSquirrels · 02/12/2007 18:52

sorry, posting delay

Original poster

NAB3littlemonkeys · 02/12/2007 18:52

I wasn't drumming it in to him?? It wasn't mentioned again he just watched his dad put the toys in the roof.

OP posts:

Camillathechicken · 02/12/2007 18:54

i think every mother is entitled and allowed to be cross and not want a cuddle with their child ..not the same as a sustained grudge holding or blanking.. sometimes children , as they get older , need to start to understand their parents have feelings taht can be hurt too....

Original poster

NAB3littlemonkeys · 02/12/2007 18:55

Thank you CTC. Feeling got at here. I said I needed help, not criticism.

Walk a mile in my shoes.....

OP posts:

Pitchounette · 02/12/2007 18:56

Message withdrawn

Camillathechicken · 02/12/2007 18:57

i know you have been having a hard time. you are allowed to show it !

Original poster

NAB3littlemonkeys · 02/12/2007 18:59

My point is why did he want me to read if he doesn't think I love him? Told him I loved him when I was showering him.

I didn't feel like staying with him actually.

It won't be mentioned again, he is in bed anyway.

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 02/12/2007 19:00

sorry, I wasn't being specific to what might have happened between the toy incident and the reading book as you didn't mention anything (I was talking more generally - have the incident then move on). However the reading bit obviously followed on from your feelings from the earlier incident.

Pitchounette · 02/12/2007 19:01

Message withdrawn

Original poster

NAB3littlemonkeys · 02/12/2007 19:01

Because he kept saying I didn't love him. How many times do I have to tell him I love him, he is the reason I get out of bed in a morning, he is my heart???

OP posts:

Flip

1 2