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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS1 has just thrown his PS2 controller across the room

41 replies

saltireflyingatHampden · 22/11/2007 16:58

It has broken, and made a big dent in the door. All because the friend he has in playing scored a goal on teh football game!
Yesterday he called DS2 a B*d, and told me I was a horrible, mean selfish mum and he was going to get a knife and stab me until i was dead, and that all the food I cooked was horrible. He goes off in the most awful rages over the silliest thing, and completely loses it. I don't know why i'm posting this actually as I've posted before for advice and been ignored. Anyway last night he got showered and sent to bed at 6pm, despite crying and wailing for 2 hours becasue he wanted to go to film night at the school.

I have sent the friend home. He is now lying on his floor crying and wailing again. Every single conversatiuon is an argument at the minute. Like I said, he goes into the most horrid rages, he actually snorts like an angry bull. I don't know what to do, and I don't know what DH is going to say, especially after yesterdays performance

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Lazycow · 22/11/2007 17:01

I'm sorry things are difficult at the moment Saltire. I do remember some of your other posts about your ds1 but I can't remember how old he is?

I'm not sure I can offer much advice (ds is only 3) so I'm sure I have this to come but just on reading this he does sound very angry and unhappy. Is this recent behaviour or has he always been a bit like this?

FluffyMummy123 · 22/11/2007 17:02

Message withdrawn

lemonaid · 22/11/2007 17:03

I forget how old he is?

FluffyMummy123 · 22/11/2007 17:03

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FluffyMummy123 · 22/11/2007 17:04

Message withdrawn

lljkk · 22/11/2007 17:05

pls tell us how old, saltire, i have an 8yo who is similar (lately better behaved, but he has the stupidest rages).

Buda · 22/11/2007 17:06

I don't think you were ignored saltire - I seem to remember Miaou in particular was on your thread.

I am sorry your DS is being so challenging.

Original poster

saltireflyingatHampden · 22/11/2007 17:06

This is recent behaviour. He and DS2 have always argued, but this is getting out of hand now (he's 9 ) It has got considerably worse since we moved. I don't know if it's because , as Miaou suggested on another thread, he's picking up on the fact that I HATE it here, even though I do try really hard not to let them see it. Or if it's him being A) unhappy,B) picking it up from others he plays with at school, and C) his age.
The language he uses since we moved is unbelievable, in teh past three months I ahve heard him say Wan*r, F*k, God's Sake, Hell, Shit. Words that we never use, and he has picked up from others. His whole attitude in general has changed. Every single thing is a battle with him

OP posts:

FluffyMummy123 · 22/11/2007 17:07

Message withdrawn

Original poster

saltireflyingatHampden · 22/11/2007 17:07

Buda - I was referring to earlier threads, from a couple of months ago

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Lazycow · 22/11/2007 17:09

I think Cod is right. He can't help being angry, some people get more emotional than others but he needs to know how to deal with it.

Also if he is getting more angry than usual it may be worth exploring and finding out why if possible. This is probably not possible to do just by asking him as he may not know - A lot of adults often get angry and don't know why.

Maybe if you can spend some more time with him doing things he both of you enjoy he may open up a bit more and you might be able to work out what the underlying problem.

Lazycow · 22/11/2007 17:12

the fact that it started when you moved is a big clue I'd say.

Does he like it where you are now? If he doesn't that may be causing part of the problem.

Also if you are really unhappy there, then tbh you are bettor being honest about it then trying to hide it as that is pretty much impossible to do.

OrmIrian · 22/11/2007 17:13

DS#1 is 10 and is very like that atm. TBH it started about 18m ago and goes in waves - he can be sweet as pie for months and then the angry moods start. I had a very strict word with him this afternoon about flying off the handle for the littlest things. I do the same but when I do lose it it tends to be less dramatic and I try to avoid breaking things and hurting people .

In DS's case (and mine) it's when he gets tired and under stress. I've instigated a more strict bedtime routine - it;s so easy when they get a bit older to lets things slide. Especially when you have more than one child.

Buda · 22/11/2007 17:14

OK saltire - sorry. I just remember one thread in particular.

Original poster

saltireflyingatHampden · 22/11/2007 17:14

I have told him if he feels himself getting really angry then he needs to go into our room - therefore away from his brother, and I have been showing him how to do "calm" breathing. He's hovering around just now, so will need to maybe close down for a wee while.
Also his time is limited on PS2, this is the first time in a few days he has been on. Thinking of taking it away for a few days, but then DS2 misses out as well

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Original poster

saltireflyingatHampden · 22/11/2007 17:17

OrmIrian - I think that's another problem, tiredness. He is often awake anytime from about 4.45, most mornings. A couple of days last week it was before 4.30. Telling him to go back to sleep doesn't help. he will get into bed again, but by this time I'm usually awake, and often DS2 is as well, becasue DS1 puts on every light in the place

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FluffyMummy123 · 22/11/2007 17:19

Message withdrawn

Lazycow · 22/11/2007 17:22

Is the early morning waking something he started when he moved too? If he is a tense anxious sort of person then waking early and not being able to get back to sleep is common and I agree that will make him tired and his behaviour will spiral from there.

Original poster

saltireflyingatHampden · 23/11/2007 21:56

Have spoken to ehad today, I'm going in to see her monday, she said ican involve the school nurse if I want.
The early waking has been going on since he was 2. i thought he would have grown out of it by now.

I am going to buy that book Cod that you suggested,did you have a similar problem? i suppose I could search message couldn't I?

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeReindeer · 23/11/2007 22:02

Aw Saltire

How horrid for you all

School Nurse is a good way to go, and you have already involved Head

Bless you all, early risers are the pits

FluffyMummy123 · 24/11/2007 13:34

Message withdrawn

JackBlackRoady · 24/11/2007 15:16

hi saltire,
my DS used to get up very early, wake the whole house, DH works shifts and this caused a lot of conflict. i got him a gameboy and a few games and it was only to be used for the morning, when he woke up until 6:30am. i did worry that it would encourage him to always get up early, but he has grown out of it now.

also every time he had rages (similar to the throwing PS2 controller across the room) it was removed. also for every time he said something mean or rude a priveledge was taken away. he did get the message, esp one day when i said bathing himself was a priveledge that older children have but he was behaving like a baby so i was going to bath him! when he was 10, and i was all baby and loving with him, he hated it!!! very funny looking back

good luck anyway!
jbr
xxx

octavia · 24/11/2007 17:01

I can relate to this as well my son is 8 and has become very angry and fustrated and cannot tell us whats wrong(although we know)
Cod,what are "angry hands" if you don't mind me asking.Ds has Hfa and dyspraxia and finds it difficult to express himself sometimes

Miaou · 24/11/2007 17:18

Saltire

With regard to what has caused it, I would guess a mixture of all the reasons you mentioned above. I'm glad to hear that the head and the school nurse are going to help you (hopefully). Just from what I've read I think that you could benefit from some professional input.

Do you think that this is an issue that was already there and has just been exacerbated by moving? I seem to remember that he has had problems controlling his anger going back some time. Please don't be thinking it's all your fault/responsibility (if you are) - I get the impression that this has been building for a long while.

Did you try any of the talking things I suggested? Has he opened up at all about how he views his own behaviour?

On a positive note - he had a friend round to play - good that he is making friends.

Miaou · 24/11/2007 17:22

This is the book cod mentions

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