Help-my 3yo has turned into the devil, i am at a loss as to how to handle his behaviour!

[shatteredmumsrus]

My 3 yo son was a realy good boy. He was polite, kind and did as he was told. Now he answers back and just does what he likes. When I ask him to do something he says (or shouts) 'no'. All i had to do today was go to the chemists. He refused to go in and ran off, said he was not going to the girly shop! I had to chase him. He screamed all the way around the shop at the top pf his voice.He wouldnt get into the pushchair or walk and hold on to it. Just kept screaming 'i want daddy'!Even when he is told off he doesnt back down. He is also very cheeky, it is embarrassing. I ended up coming home empty handed and crying- not like me at all!Anyone got any secret advice to stop my brat of a son please!!!

Oh, and just to address smacking, I am not totally against smacking, I believe at times there are reasons for it, and that if you are trying to protect a child that otherwise does not understand sometimes it works (hot cooker, smack hands etc) but I think once you have the wonders of communication that is afforded by a three year old, smacking is pointless. They will just resent it, feel even angrier and more frustrated and that won't help anything.

manners is easy - we just model them and make no fuss. I've never got that thing of insisting that children say please and thank you and sorry, I just use the words as appropriate and children pick it up as part of the linguistic code.

but "I DO want her to be polite and well behaved..."

what's "wellbehaved" if it's not quiet, biddable, docile, controllable?

I also think a lot of "bad behaviour" moments can be avoided by planning ahead and being responsive to a child's needs in the moment. e.g. if a child screams every time I take them to the supermarket, I'd do my grocery shopping online for a bit, and if we feel like shopping, maybe do a charity shop toy section trawl, child-centred, cheap and not fraught with expectation. That sort of thing.

I loooove online grocery shopping!! I can see me doing that for the next 15 years.
My DP is hilarious, he goes into the most problem-fraught situations and then wonders why DS had a major wobbly. I'm all for a quiet life.

He's being a little lamb again today.

what's "wellbehaved" if it's not quiet, biddable, docile, controllable?

I totally disagree with that. Being well behaved does not equal to any of those things. We live in a society, with other people. We need to consider other people when we go about our daily business. To me well behaved means being polite, considerate, and acting according to the occasion. If we disagree with something we can voice our opinion (we need not be docile and controlled) but we should do so in a polite way.

It is a very fine balance between guiding our children with love, respect, appropriate boundaries and allowing them the freedom to develop their own personality. Everyone who has young children this age will understand how hard it is to get that balance right. I don't think it is helpful to condemn anybody. I'm sure we are all doing our best.

I agree with snowmoons post...
My ds is three next week, and lately has become a very cross little fella indeed! When I stop in the street for example to talk to people I know, he likes to be included in the conversation, which is great...but he talks to people in a really cross and angry voice...its terribly embarrassing! Ive tried explaining to him that its rude, but he just either doesnt understand or doest care! In the end I end up talking over him to take away the attention...but then I feel guilty as thats very disrespectful! And he often shouts at people if they try to help, like with opening does and things! I remember when I used to be so smug when I went out and about with him, as he would say hello to absolutely everyone...he was a grannies dream! I have read somewhere that boys get a testosterone burst at 3yrs, so that could explain things...its just how to handle it thats the problem!