Please can we share our baby-knowledge here, for new mums?

[Columbia]

I just thought there might be a place for a thread where we talk about baby tips, all in one place - such as how your baby communicates with you. (could be wrong )

I was hopeless first time - to me every cry was 'feed me' when actually he probably had wind, a wet nappy, you know what I mean...I was so scared of the crying, I shoved my boob in at every opportunity. And wondered why for some reason, he still cried...

This time I can better distinguish, and I wish someone had told me what he meant the first time. So I'm not being patronising!!

Some I would pass on:

Very tiny baby putting hand up to mouth = feed me.

small baby (under 6 months) staring intently at you from lying down, refuses to lose eye contact or smile = feed me. Do not walk away.

Baby doing 'riverdance' with arms outstretched in a 'crucifix' shape= pick me up.

Anyone else?

My biggest tip would be get out and meet other mums - it's great to socialise and also to see that you are not the only one going through this. Trust me - I didn't do the mums and babies groups for my previous two and felt I didn't need to this time - only went along with a friend. I have made so many good friends and am so much happier and busier than i was the first two times.

Also - do a baby massage course. It's wonderful to do, can help with colic, and it's a great way for both of you to unwind in the evenings. My DD3 hated being on her front until I started massaging her back. Now she is very happy on her front.

On the breast bottle debate - one of the things they don't tell you is that you CAN do both. Whether its the odd bottle of formula at night (you've had a drink) or when they go through a growth spurt - it won't hurt them.

Dd had reflux so I had problems keeping up my milk supply as usually I fed her and it came right back.

She is now 4 and a wee sparky thing who never shuts up!

One tip -

When you start weaning, know this...

Banana never washes out, ever, if it has been on their clothes for more than about 10 minutes

really

No-one who matters cares whether or not you've hoovered/cleaned the windows/ironed/made home made biscuits etc. so why beat yourself up about it?

My tip for new mums would be that your baby is stronger and not as delicate as you think.

Obviously they need to be cared for gently and with due attention, but they won't break if another child pats them on the head or if someone else holds them etc.

Many new parents seem to panick and cause themselves unnecessary stress if their babies recieve even the slightest disturbance.
Even from birth they are pretty resilient.

For the same reason, many new parents wrap their newborns up too warmly and practically suffocate the poor little things.
Even in December, when in a warm room, hundreds of layers of winter clothing and blankets are not necessary.

Despite all advice from friends and family (not including midwives and some health visitors). I have slowly discovered that my gut instinct on routines (listening to my baby) has been the most easy and successful to follow.

When i tried to do what more experienced mothers and family members told me, often it caused disruption, less settled behaviour and some distress.

What worked for them, does not necessarily work for you!

I have a lovely child and a good relationship woth family and friends!

Enjoy your baby. Don't wish away their life wanting the next stage - there's no rush to wean/crawl/walk etc/

Do what is right for you AS A FAMILY. We all have different lifestyles - don't compare yourself to your friends/sister/SIL etc.

Your baby won't really have a routine for at least 10-12 weeks. Go with the flow.

You can read too much advice and then fret about it! Best to just relax and get on with it, worry about something only if it becomes a problem for you.

Best tip I have is to do your best to find a friend (or friends) with a baby of a similar age, the same kind of outlook as you and with a really chilled out attitude!

Another tip: when someone else is looking after the baby in the early days, do whatever makes YOU feel better. That might well be going to bed and getting some sleep, but it might equally be doing something else - even tidying up, cooking the dinner or doing a bit of housework, if that's what you makes you feel more human. Personally, I always felt I was hustled into bed whenever mum/MIL came to stay, and I just lay there, wide awake, and didn't feel any better two hours later. Maybe I'm just odd, but I felt much better (like ME again), when I did something useful - one of my most satisfying afternoons was when my mum took the baby long enough for me to do my tax return .

I found dunstan baby language just before ds was born and it really helped to know that a cry which sound like "neh" meant he was hungry. There's enough guesswork involved in being a new mum, this made things a lot easier!

Also, tiredness was the most difficult thing to recognise, but now I see it's one of the most common reasons he cries.

As a new mum I'd ike to ask a question. My 9 week old baby is still so sleepy in the day. She usually manages to stay awake about an hour at a time and then needs to sleep for a few hours. Is this OK? Comparing her to the other babies of mum's from my ante-natal group, they all seem much more alert. And my little girl is the oldest, though she was born nearly 4weeks premature. She was an ok weight though (5lb 12oz) and is up to a healthy 10lb now roughly. She is so lovely when awake, I'd like to see more of her!

Zulubump - as long as she is feeding well then don't worry about her sleeping a lot. Some babies are sleepier than others. If she is alert and happy when awake the I'm sure all is well and you just have a snoozer!

You could try keeping her awake but IME (and my first was a snoozer) the baby can become really grumpy and irritable. Just make the most of her awake time with cuddles, singing, talking and visiting friends for tea and cake

As they get older they get less sleepy, and remember if she was 4 weeks early she's only 5 weeks old really.

zulubump agree with sidge about the snoozing. my ds was a great snoozer, and he was 8 weeks early. we, however, have never used his corrected age for anything as he was feeding like a newborn (milk iyswim rather than through the placenta) and being stimulated like any other newborn from birth.

your lo might just need more regular little naps more than others - loads of mums with loads more experience always say a baby who sleeps well in the day sleeps better at night, and certainly if ds was ever overtired during the day, the night was always much worse.

hope it helps

ps mrsbumblebee would you like to come and do my tax return

Thank you that's reassuring. She has put on weight very well and seems to be healthy otherwise. Maybe things will change soon and I'll get to see a bit more of her with her eyes open!

Thanks so much for this - my son is 15 days old so it's much appreciated!

Things I wish people had told me:

Don't panic. It will eventually all become second nature.

Do help your DP / DH be as hands on as possible. He's your DC's parent too, and he's also learning. Even if he does something slowly / badly / differently to you, try not to criticise. Having him fully involved and able to do all the different elements of caring for your DC will make your life much better in the long run.

You will get extremely sleep deprived and cranky. Try to remember when fighting with DP, other family or friends that this is not you but the sleep deprivation talking. Rational behaviour will return with sleep.

Do sleep, whenever and however you can. Sod the washing up. We're talking survival here.

Don't drive yourself mad with what everyone else says is the right way to do something. Little babies need love, food, clean nappies and sleep. You will not wreck their future lives if you don't have them in a routine at 3 months, or even 6. Even though it might feel that way at the time.

You can however get a baby into a routine somewhere between 3-6 months if you so desire. But it takes a little patience, so don't give up if it doesn't work after a few days.

Your baby crying does not make you a bad parent. Sometimes they don't know whats wrong either. Also, some babies do cry as part of settling themselves to sleep, so try not to jump to pick them up at every moan and whimper. I'm not saying leave them to howl, but listening for a few minutes to see if they settle won't hurt.

I'm with Norma on this one - Banana never ever comes out. Nor does orange. Bib, double bib then cover child with teatowel before serving. Or feed them naked.

You don't have to always stop a baby crying - sometimes they just cry - hold them, rock them, feed them, cuddle them, love them, but it's not your 'job' to stop them from ever crying!

Agree with Columbia on tummy time. My tips would be all babies are different - don't worry about what other mums are doing do what feels right for you. My DC's are like chalk and cheese re tummy time, wind, cots, sleep routine, feeding so all the lessons I thought I had learnt for DS2 were useless. And if you don't feel happy with what a doctor has told you or you still think your baby is ill keep going back until you are happy. and finally.. just accept your mum and/or MIL will keep asking why you are not offering water in a bottle to your baby with great frequency and it will annoy you

Not really 'baby' related - but DON'T forget pelvic floor exercises in the excitement/ exhaustion of a new Baby! I forgot and after 2 I still wee a bit whenever I laugh/cough/run/stand up/sit down/type etc...........

Another couple of tip: Don't buy beige/neutral toned toys/playgyms for your baby. They may match your nursery colour scheme but babies don't look at them! Buy brightly coloured toys, and a few black and white objects (like a toy zebra) because they LOVE staring at them and get really excited. See them gaze in fascination at your black and white tshirt. This leads on to....

If your baby hates tummy time, try putting them down on a playgym mat that is colourful and interesting, OR try spreading out the tshirt they love so much on the floor and put them down on that! Anything to keep their interest up, as there isn't much to look at down there. Arrange a ring of toys around them, or get down on the floor with them and squeak some toys/shake some bells to encourage them to look up and strengthen those muscles.

You can never have too many muslin squares- you can use them for everything: mopping up sick, dribble etc, emergency bib, emergency blanket, even emergency nappy if you're really stuck.

It is never to early for bedtime routines.
Even when co-sleeping baby can still have a bedtime routine.

With both of mine I have always had a bath, feed, bed routine and put them down in their cot/moses basket/co-sleeper at the time in the evening when they are at their tiredest.

Do not fret about getting them back out of bed, just try to do everything after 'bedtime' in hushed tones and dimmed rooms'
The point isn't to get them sleeping through the night, they'll do that when they're ready, but just to get them used to having a difference between daytime (Awake and alert) and nighttime (sleepy, hushed and less active).

I have never had a problem with either of mine sleepwise, one had a moses basket then a crib then a cot, the other co-slept and went into cot at about 9months, so totally different sleepwise but the same bedtime routine.

I honestly believe that is what saved my sanity!

I also agree with whoever said just dress them in babygros, they are only babies you will have years of time to play dress up, and if you're going somewhere special, fine dress them up, but at home all they need is sleepsuits, or just a nappy, or even just naked.

What a great thread.

I would add - yes white cotton babygrows for the early weeks/months. Think about comfort above all.

I think it was the baby whisperer who said SLOW DOWN when communicating with a newborn, and also treat them with respect - when changing them say things like "I'm just going to take this off now OK?". Sounds bizarre but that really helped me!

Seek out that Mum you click with - you don't have to have dozens of Yummy Mummies buzzing over showing off about routines. Just one Mum you can open up to. It's a lifeline.

Go for a walk. Go for walks. Go for walks.

Don't lave your newborn to cry ever (I know this is contraversial) they always cry for a reason and if you spend time you will figure out how to calm them. Also never wake a sleeping baby - would you like someone to wake you up from a deep sleep and shove food down your mouth?

Rule of thumb when weaning - Never give your baby something to eat you would not eat yourself heartily (and that goes for Formula too)

Disover Goats Milk - nanny-care do it as a baby Formula - changed mine and DDs life.

Cut your baby's hair (just a little bit) as soon as there are several centimeters of it. And cut it again several times through the next year.

If you don't, his/her hair will remain thin and flimsy. It is only after several cuts that baby hair grows into a thick mane.

-Vanish powder to remove stains from clothes
-Dungarees with belt loops on the back are great for quickly retrieving crawling babies from wherever you don't want them to go
-Get out of the house regularly
-Order groceries online.....much less hassle than trying to negotiate a busy supermarket / car park with baby
-baby socks instead of scratch mittens
-Find a local baby group....we have lots of new friends as a result

this is my top-tip for baby hair/scalps - to keep cradle cap at bay, I always used to gently brush my babies' scalps with a soft baby brush after their baths - dry the head off and then just brush it a few times (even if they haven't any hair; both of mine were baldilocks) and it completely eradicated and prevented future cradle cap. Never had a problem with it after using this method - you're not picking away at it (as repeatedly told not to by health visitors etc) but it just gently exfoliates the skin. A few of my friends have used same method and all agree it works!