Please can we share our baby-knowledge here, for new mums?

[Columbia]

I just thought there might be a place for a thread where we talk about baby tips, all in one place - such as how your baby communicates with you. (could be wrong )

I was hopeless first time - to me every cry was 'feed me' when actually he probably had wind, a wet nappy, you know what I mean...I was so scared of the crying, I shoved my boob in at every opportunity. And wondered why for some reason, he still cried...

This time I can better distinguish, and I wish someone had told me what he meant the first time. So I'm not being patronising!!

Some I would pass on:

Very tiny baby putting hand up to mouth = feed me.

small baby (under 6 months) staring intently at you from lying down, refuses to lose eye contact or smile = feed me. Do not walk away.

Baby doing 'riverdance' with arms outstretched in a 'crucifix' shape= pick me up.

Anyone else?

I think once I realised that babies can be over stimulated and over handled my life got much easier . Once I started to recognise the signs of tiredness I could put her down to sleep before she reached screaming point.

I don't agree about the moses basket. Put dd in one next to the bed and she slept fine in it and started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks! Then at 8 weeks we moved her into her cot in her own room and have never had a problem since.

Putting you baby on it's tummy when he/she really doesn't like and cries is very to me. My dd hated being on her tummy and would cry everytime i did it so she hardly ever went on her tummy (even though my hv would pressure me to do it.) She is one now and i wouldn't say not putting her tummy has effected her devlopment in anyway and she is very active.

I think moses baskets are good at first if baby is going to sleep near you and you haven't got much space. But I totally agree that they are soon outgrown and if they aren't swaddled, when the moro reflex happens ,(baby startles for no apparent reason and throws arms and legs out) they tend to hit limbs on the edges of it and wake up.

Can i add another: there is usually another way to approach a situation, and it is ok to try things out and get it wrong and then do it a different way.

eg baby doesn't like tummy time... what about doing it on you, so letting baby lie on your chest and playing that way. If they don't like that maybe lie down with them, or lie down facing them.

Be creative and experimental

I agree with lula, newborns are very dull and whilst you will love them desperately, you wont get much in return before about 10-12wks. O.k, they smile at about 6wks but it's when they start reaching out to objects and you that it becomes interesting.

I mentioned this in another post - but Colief saved my life (well at the time it felt like it) - did not have a colicky baby as such, but suffered with terrible wind, that would never ever go - was hell from about 3 months onwards - was the best thing ever (much better than infacol) and cured him in days - I breastfed too - so you can use it with both bottle and the boob!

Trust your insticts - you will doubt yourself - it is normal - but the biggest thing I learnt was to trust my gut - I was usually right first time - also what works for you, will work for your baby as you are happy and therefore so will they be

Feed and change baby at night in a darkened room - if you are not doing it in bed (with a low lamp or night light on) - not so much fun for you,but teaches them the difference between night and day quickly - try to keep interaction minimal (of course still with love and tenderness, but no play).

Contradicting myself now - if your baby keeps falling asleep on your boob, keep them cooler whilst feeding, change them mid feed, gently blow in their face - doesn't always work - but good coping strategies.

Try to sleep when they do - I didn't and dearly regret it - I worried about the house work, food, having time to myself, but I was so exhausted I became an absolute mess! Also if friends visit, tell them to bring cake, dinner for that night or do your washing up - much more useful than a chat - they can still talk and help afterall - and if they are real friends they wont mind!

Get yourself out as much as possible - somtimes when your baby is screaming and you feel like screaming too - a change of scenery and a breath of fresh air can do you wonders and generally calms the baby down. Also go as many baby groups as you can bear - gets you out and you can share your troubles with other moms in the same situation and swap tips too - don't be afraid to be honest - everyone will be going through the same as you - I promise.

Enjoy motherhood - bloody tiring and challenging, but the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

sorry, felt kind of responsible having started the thread!!

Of course everyone does things differently. Some great ideas here.

Definitely horses for courses. I bought a moses basket and dd loved it (prem though), and would say buy a sling and NOT a pushchair for the early months which some would think is or even

Get daddy - if around - trained as early as you can!

And be prepared to change your decisions/ prejudices (eg. dummy, etc) without endlessly beating yourself up (this still counts now, but I am not so good at taking the advice!)

When my first was born i had no experience of babies and found it all confusing and used the boob all the time. But I read the contented baby which gave me some simple knowledge of a babies needs eg needs a feed every 4 hours. The routines were useful as a guide but i would never strictly stick to them. Both of mine had wind, i'm sure colic as they were crying alot so i started infacol which did give some relief, my boobs gushed with the milk so they really had to guzzle.

Bin moses basket!
Don't use boob for everything! I spent 7 months breastfeeding my dd during day (read that as 9 til 8) otherwise she would scream house down. But she slept thro the night so I thought it worth the flat bum.

Get a baby bouncy chair before they are born...I got mine when she was 3 months...I think she would have been much happier in it than the moses basket or on the floor...

Get living room the right way round, comfy chair in front of tv with remote/phone/drink/book/magazine to hand

Go out of the house to meet people...breastfeeding can out can be scary but you get used to it.

Realise that your relationship with dh/dp will be on hold for at least 6 weeks, but babies do sleep thro the night and grow up eventually! And yes, you will have sex again one day... ;)

Post on here for advice...wish I had known about mn before dd!

Don't wait for baby to sleep through the night, which might not come on its own before his 2nd birthday. Once he is 4-5 months old, cut out night feeds.

Columbia et al might object. Smile politely and teach your baby to sleep through the night anyway. A well-rested you is a much better mum than the one walking the corridors since you gave birth months ago.

Once in a while, leave baby with dh/dp/grandparents and take a day out. Go shopping. Meet girlfriends for lunch. Get a manicure. Such days will keep your sane and feeling human. Even feminine.

Always buy clothes that are at least a size too big for your baby. (you can always roll them up if too long) Prefer baggy trousers over tight jeans. Especially important when they are trying to be mobile (starting to sit, pull up, etc).

My DS has only ever slept through the night 2 or 3 times since he was born. and he's 2.2. and it's only been in the last month or so that he;s started to do it. at times the nights were pretty bad. he was up and down a lot. BUT
I'm not brain damaged. I didn't die. and frankly i have to really think about it to remember what it was like. that first year goes by so fast, just enjoy your baby.

Once past the first couple of months but maybe before too, babies tend to like a nap between an hour and a half and two hours after they get up for the day, and then - mine anyway - every two hours till they go to bed.

The sling and bouncing on the ball are GREAT ways to help a baby to sleep.

Go out. The best way to calm babies or yourself down is to get out in the fresh air, even if just round the block and even if raining cats and dogs. In general it's easier being out than in - automatic stimulation for both of you and no nagging washing baskets or dishwashers.

Co-sleeping is a great way to avoid sleep deprivation - you can feed baby almost without waking up.

Babies love motion. The tiger in the tree hold (upside down along your arms) is a great way to ease wind

They change SO quickly - so savour the lovely bits and ride the tricky ones - both will very quickly be replaced by a new set of lovely and tricky bits.

my goodness ive completely lost track and dont have time to catch up just yet, but i find my lo who is 12 weeks old(still only weighs 7lb14oz) sleeps beter in the moses basket because ists smaller im thinking.

emmm i cant think of one yet but my ds2 is one year so i can understand dog langusge as he barks at me and i understand
Oh just thought baby foaming at mouth-teething. sorry if its already on.
and rather than buying newborn cloths buy the 6-9 or even 12-18! although my lo is still in new born!

First LO only 9 weeks old, so hardly an expert yet, but never mind. My 'tip' would be that breastfeeding can be really, really hard. I fully intended to bf for a year and it never occurred to me that anything would stand in my way. In the end, I lasted 6 wks (combination of bleeding, disfigured breasts, repeated mastitis and a baby who wasn't putting on any weight and subsequently screamed ALL the time). And it's not like I didn't have support from bf counsellors, who tried but failed to help.

Perhaps I could have turned things around if I'd tried different strategies (feed more often - but when do you sleep? express before and after feeds - but how do you do that while trying to comfort a screaming baby?), but I truly feel I would have cracked up if I'd kept going. I wouldn't say for a moment that people shouldn't try bfing - I certainly will next time around. But nobody had told me it might be difficult, and it came as a real shock. And I don't think I'm unusual - of the 6 women in my NCT class, all intended to bf, 2 gave up immediately, I stopped at 6 weeks, and 2 are still experiencing real difficulties. Only one is finding it straightforward. So I guess my tip is that if you feel you just can't do bf, then change to formula and don't beat yourself up about it.

Go out every day, that's my tip. I think most babies settle well in sling or pushchair, and fresh air is great for both mum and baby. I used to walk miles with DS1 when he was little, it was a bit harder once DS2 came along but I still go out every single day with them, rain or shine.

I guess mine would be to say to your partner that anything that you fight about in the first year after a new baby gets written off. When you're both sleep deprived and frustrated by crying baby and naughty toddler it's easy to have a go at each other. Having a baby is such a life change it's hard to know what's normal. We've always said that if the same fights come up after we were sleeping well and less overwhelmed/exhausted then they need tackled. Mind you, DD is 9 months now and still doesn't sleep for longer than 90 mins at a time... so we might need a big extension on that year!

Didn't read all the posts so sorry if its on already

Strip them naked and let them kick around with no nappy on, ds was a bit colicky and it always made him really happy, so from about 6 weeks he was naked at least once a day! It can be really messy, lots of towels required, but it allowed me to get things done!

Going out for walks and in the car always great for getting them to settle.

Remember all mothers go through the same feelings of guilt and feeling inadequate, you are a GREAT MUM!!

Enjoy the cuddles and don't worry about the washing up, hoovering, dinner etc!

HORMONES: I wish I had known the power of hormones after giving birth - one minute crying, the next feeling on top of the world - Finally realised after second child that it was perfectly ok to be an emotional basket case after giving birth.

YOU: It is also critical that you try and relax as much as you can during the first two weeks - YOU need to look after yourself so do try and sleep when the baby sleeps. YOu need to heal and it's the best way to do so. Get help in!! (your mum, MIL, partner or husband).

BABY GEAR :Don't buy a bunch of baby gear before the baby arrives. With DS1 we had every contraption on the planet - didn't use half of it. for the first weeks, all the baby needs is you, nappies and something to wear. A place to sleep as well if the little one isn't sharing a bed with you. Figure out your daily pattern and then buy gear to fit your needs!

HANG IN THERE: This to shall pass - it gets easier with every day - you turn around and they will be walking and talking.

BODY: Oh and stupidly, I thought my body would bounce back in a few weeks. Unless there is a secret or you are incredibly lucky, it won't. Give yourself a break on that front too - Don't try on your old clothes for a few months (a full nine months after the fact in my case!! )

dont be to proud to except help

if someone offers to let you sleep DO IT doesnt make you l;azy

dont make house work priority no one will be paying attention to whats done or not done

rest when babies resting dont think its time to blitz the house

dont feel your doing a bad job if baby keeps crying babies just do that

dont be anxious with baby they pick up on that just enjoy time with baby

try to go for short walk each day even if tired it helps

most of all sleep at every opportunity i've always regretted being to proud or feared looking lazy

got so ovetr tired couldnt even remember my ds name kept calling him after my mums dog and parrot all begins with b lol

never be afraid to ask people for help or hv thats what they are there for

i did love my baby right from the start he has alwaays amazed me i used tio have special time on my bed of an evening just to sing to him and relax loved it

didnt find him boring everyone said i was lucky as it all came natural to me i just new what and how to help him alot of trial and error but i stayed calm all the time well nearly lol

feed on demand dont worry about every 3-4 hours feed when they want it

my first LO is 16 weeks today, so not v experienced but it's all still fresh.

mine would only sleep when being held and then only for a couple of hours max which meant i was a wreck. hang in there tho - suddenly at 7 weeks she slept through the night (and not thanks to anything i'd done - it just happened). bath & routine does help now tho.

swaddling also helped. putting her into snugglenest/basket/cot would often wake her so used to make sure small section of swaddling blanket was underneath her head so that none of her touched the cold mattress (just be sure blanket couldn't get over her face). can also use worn (by mum or dad) t-shirt as a sheet.

if breast-feeding eat almonds and drink fennel tea. and be mentally prepared to sit in a chair for 6 months. books on tape are good.

get out every day in daylight once they're over 6 weeks.

put cloth over them when dressing etc - mine hated being naked at first.

the trigger for the most crying with mine is tiredness - i wish i'd worked that out sooner.

most of all take the baby books with a pinch of salt and do what feels right. the books create anxiety and self-doubt (for me anyway) - not helpful.

Tips I would give new/expectant mums:

Throw any thoughts of 'routine' out the window for at least the first few months especially ones you read in books (!!). Go with the flow and follow your babies lead as much as possible.

Don't leave your (young) baby to cry unless absolutely necessary, a baby only has its parents to rely on and (anecdotally- i'm sure people will disagree!) from what I have seen friends that have done 'controlled crying' etc with their young babies now have older babies/children who seem more clingy/insecure.

Try to join an antenatal/postnatal class and meet up with other new mums as much as possible, it will provide a welcome break if you are at home alone in the day and its a great place to get support/ have a laugh/ swap experiences and a few people you meet are bound to end up as friends.

A washing up bowl is a great portable lightweight alternative to a baby bath when baby is really little!

just want to agree do what you feel is right - no one knows your baby better than you

also sleep when they sleep - the ironing can wait, the housework can wait, and you can always order take out

if you have a ds he will pee AS SOON AS you take his nappy off when he is young. I found cotton wool wrapped in a tissue saved many incidents!