I have had enough - I want to know if my Lo is normal or not!

[bumbly]

Basically been now 16 weeks and every time asked midwife, health visitor or gp whether my Lo is normal they never answer me and say "he seems fine perhaps a bit slow/behind"

I am asking the mumsnet collective are there any vids/footage around of how a 3 month old should move etc

desperate

basically i have no friends or family with babies and have never been with babies before my lo

he jerks a lot now at 16 weeks
still contorts a lot
spastic basically
and then there is his wobbly head - every one else at baby group has babies with still heads except my LO

he is exactly like Jack Sparrow from "Pirates!"

no other babies i now seem to move like mine

he is pretty active reaching for thigns but ever so spastically and every one else has babies that don't reach out yet so cant compare...

need to see film of how other 16 week old babies move...

ta

Bumbly, have just read your other thread too.

You sound so worried.

I think you need to make an appointment with your GP, and insist on a referral to a paediatrician.

Explain all your concerns.

Sorry your GP, MW and HV haven't been very supportive.

Best of luck.

i havent seen your other thread, but you need to get this sorted out. Not because i think there is anything wrong with your little boy, but you deserve some peace of mind. I would insist on a refferal, just for your own sanity. I would actually be encouraged by the fact that your GP and HV arent concerned but you know your baby better than they do. Being examined by a pediatrician is not going to do any harm is it.

Babies do develop at such varying rates and some do things before others and it probably is nothing to worry about.

i have seen lots of your other threads, and you seem to be having a miserable time and not enjoying these early weeks

i definitely second the advice to get a referral , but i absolutely loatheHCPs saying babies of this age are slow or behind ! he is barely out of the womb

hi lulu

my gp wont refer me as says head control improving

i dont see much imrpovment myself

you can ask for second opinion or see a different GP ..

What do you mean by spastic?

If you have the money find a private paeditrician. Go to your gp with their name and tell them you want for a referal letter.

Bumbly you need to calm down love. ALL babies are jerky, seriously, I haven't got a video to show you but I have my 20 week old on my lap, reaching for things with very poor control, babies are like that because they are learning how to move their bodies. Things like head control come at different ages, really, my friend's little boy didn't crawl or walk till well over a year while mine walked at 10 months. It all varies.
Please don't worry xx

'spastic' means 'characterised by spasms' as in 'spastic colon', so I imagine Bumbly means he reaches jerkily, or in a jittery sort of way?

Poor Bumbly, you do sound so worried and I think most of us know what it's like to have that dive in the stomach wondering if all is well. I do hope it is, babies can be very puzzling and jumpy little things, but agree that for your own peace of mind a second opinion would be good.

And their heads are very heavy in proportion to the rest of their bodies. However if you have real worries you need to get another opinion.

Hi Bumbly

sorry to see you have so many worries.

I would go to your HV, say you are worried, and insist on a referral to a Child Development Team. They can do a full assessment, and tell you if there are any issues.

I would see your HV as soon as you can, as it can take a long time for the referral to even reach a CDT, then you will have to wait (we waited about three months) for the actual assessment.

We took our concerns about our DS2 to the HV in June (had had worries back in February but it wasn't till June that the HV took them seriously), and it took till the end of September to get the assessment.

It may be that your DS is a little "slow" but normal, but if there is a problem it is better that it is picked up sooner rather than later.

All the best,

bumbly - did you ever figure out whether he had reflux or not?
My DS had it really badly and he used to writhe and jerk with the pain

I agree that you should push for a referal to get peace of mind

FWIW, my DS was a late crawler, never rolled, and walked at 16.5 months - later than most of his contemporaries but there is nothing wrong ... just took his own sweet time

And remember all these mile stones are average. Someone has to be quicker and someone else taking a bit longer for the average to be reached.

Does he smile?
Make eye contact?
Copy you? Sticking tongue out or something?

Have you got family around? Older female relatives can make me feel reassurred especially when i had my first. At times i didnt know what i was doing, or what i should expect.

Bumbly...feel for you, I was convinced there was something wrong with my DS until around 20 weeks(approx!) I also watched his every move and could never relax..my DS was jaundiced from birth and still is a little(thats waht led me to believe there was something wrong)I'm sure at 16 weeks his movements were still pretty jerky and I was aways looking at other babies thinking..they're not jerking as much! His head was still flopping over to one side at this age..he didn't have control.

What I want to say is I'm sure it's normal for his age.Try to relax.

What makes you believe there's something not right?

Sorry..my last question was stupid.You already explained in OP! was trying to say has he had any other problems since birth or is it just his behaviour that worries you?

I don't know if this is a daft idea, but have you thought of looking on You Tube for vids people have posted of their babies of a similar age? xx

bumbly you've had ongoing concerns iirc. If you are unable to feel reassured by gp and hv please ask to be referred for your own peace of mind. Babies do develop differently and your ds may well simply slightly lagging the "average" but still within a perfectly normal range. I think if they had real concerns they would have referred you before now but you do still sound anxious and really need to move forward.

There are NHS community paediatricians who could assess him or as has been mentioned you could ask for a referral to go privately which should n't be an issue for a gp to do. However I do worry that even a positive outcome of an assessment may not in itself resolve your anxiety. Have you spoken to gp about your perspective, not feeling reassured, and how you anxious the situation makes you feel ?

TBH from your description I really wouldn't know whether he is doing OK or whether there is a problem. could you describe what you mean by "spastically"? But you clearly feel something is wrong, and should therefore be taken seriously by your GP. As other ladies have said, ask for a referral.

FWIW my DS was refluxy/sicky, and had poor head control till about 4 months, and physically all is well now.

bumbly please push for further investigation simply for your own peace of mind. If not even just explain to your HV that you are worried, and would like them to talk you through baby's development at this stage, in detail, not just a quick glance. I don't necessarily think anything is wrong (am no authority on it) but you are worried so get some reassurance.

I really feel for you, it's scary at the beginning when you're a first time mum. You need someone to either say it's perfectly normal or it's unusual and worthy of further investigation - if you have family what do they think?

Meant to add I'm midlands based too - big area but roughly where are you?

Hi everyone

short one today as have flu..all the stress i guess..thanks for all responses...makes me feel not alone

right by " spastic" i mean jerky not smooth..but also he contorts a lot during feeding and after in a snake like manner and rubs face etc...like a spastic! horrible word i know so apologies but only way can describe...

head wobbles when supported on back

yes the "you tube" suggestions is exactly what I am doing...not much luck as most babies seem to be lieing on their back and my lo is fine when on his back

i may well go privately as my gp practice really does not support me and thinks i am a hypochondriac

but in answer to above he does smile (not laugh though - only at others not me) and talk

What does your dh think ? I wonder if it is worth going along with your ds to see gp together as this may mean you get taken more seriously if they have already formed a preconception that you are simply an overanxious first time mum. List out all your concerns since he was boin to go through ratehr than discussing each in isolation.

Bumbly I know you don't mean any harm but there are a lot of mums on here who have kids with CP (cerebral palsy) for which the word you're using might be very upsetting...so go easy.

It sounds as though he is just a normal baby, they all wriggle and writhe about when feeding, usually if they are not really up for it at that particular moment - try taking the bottle out, giving him a 'wind' and distract him with something else - when he really wants milk he'll lie still for you without wriggling!

Please do get back to your health visitor or doctor, because their job is to help you relax and feel that your baby is Ok.

The one thing I get the feeling you're not doing, is relaxing...babies are very, very good at giving us signals about what they need, and they are also pretty resilient, so if you just spend some time looking into your child's eyes, making faces, mucking about - talk to him, lie with him, show him stuff...he will give you cues.

It's making me laugh because you sound a bit like me when I've been handed a flatpack Ikea shelving unit with no instructions...which is just how most of us feel when we first have a baby around!!! But seriously the ONLY thing you need, which you haven't yet got, is CONFIDENCE. That is what your HV should be teaching you to have - to trust your instincts aroud your baby, because nobody knows a baby like its mother and the more she trusts herself, the happier the baby will be.

Big hugs to you both and most of all, don't panic!!! He will be fine.