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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Childrens's Manners - what matters?

85 replies

Earlybird · 30/10/2004 23:24

Bit slow around here tonight, so here's another Saturday night topic - what manners do you feel it is important to teach your children? I was raised in quite a formal family, and while I want dd to be well mannered, think that some of what was drilled into me was a bit rigid/unecessary for today's more casual times. What manners are important to you?

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stickynote · 01/11/2004 21:58

Hmm, been thinking about your post, prefernot.

Sanctimonious or not, I don't want to put my kids in the position where people will form a negative opinion of them because of the way they say things or act. I don't think I'm being a good parent if I don't teach them the way society works IYSWIM. Maybe that means I'm teaching my kids to be sheep, I don't know, that's a whole new debate (but at least they'd be polite sheep ).

aloha · 01/11/2004 21:59

I wouldn't dream of making ds stand on the bus. Poor mite, he'd just fall over or get squashed. Mind you, he does normally sit on my lap but now I'm pregnant don't think I will do that forever.

Chandra · 01/11/2004 22:30

tex111, you are right!!! I had a problem for years to get used to the European way of handling fork and knife. Now I'm so used to it that I don't remeber to shift it when I'm home (or well, my previous home

prefernot · 02/11/2004 14:17

stickynote, I'm in two minds really. I was brought up very politely in a quiet middle class area. But if I send dd to school around where I live behaving like I do she'd have a very hard time. I already do around here as an adult. So in terms of teaching her 'the way society is' if I were to go by the manners of my local society I should turn her into a little hoodlum! Difficult one really ...

Bozza · 02/11/2004 15:06

Tex111 I was an au pair in Texas so your post rang bells with me. I used to take the kids to various pre-school activities run by Miss Joyce or Mr Rob. And now that I'm weaning DD have reverted to the American use of knife/fork then I can feed her with one hand and me with the other.

fisil · 02/11/2004 15:13

marialuisa, I thought that as soon as I posted. You are right, and that was something I found very difficult when I first started teaching students from those backgrounds. Maybe I should make what I said broader - it is paying attention. People who culturally find eye contact difficult or offensive can nevertheless appear polite and well mannered to people who culturally find eye contact to be the height of good manners. It is the respect of paying someone attention when they are talking to you, isn't it?

Northerner · 02/11/2004 15:21

My ds is 2.7 and lots of people comment on how polite he is. He nearly always says please and thank you, even if I've simply fastened his coat up or put his shoes on. He always says sorry if he bumps into you. And when people say thank you to him he says 'you're welcome'.

Wonder how long it will last!

celandine · 03/11/2004 15:18

DS is only 15 months and can't really say any words yet but I still say to him to say 'thankyou' or 'ta' when I've given him something, plus now starting on please when he's wanting something. I also get him to wave bye bye to people, which is good manners too. I think it's important to say hello to people when they say hello, even if you're shy, so also saying to him "say hello to..." even though he can't say it.

Although I know he's absorbing the words, requesting him to say please, thankyou and hello sometimes seems futile at this age when he can't say anything anyway and makes no effort to say either word. It seems a bit weird saying 'say please' or repeating to him 'please more yoghurt?' when he's asked for more yoghurt, and then proceed to give it to him anyway without him saying anything but just nodding madly. Hopefully one day he'll suprise me and suddenly say "please can I...?" ever so eloquently and I'll know that all my input didn't go to waste!

kinderbob · 10/12/2004 02:38

Please and Thank You (or fankoo)

Saying hello and bye bye to people and using their names (much more common in NZ, though I do feel like I am training a future telemarketer). He now spontanteously says sentences like "hello doctor David" and "Bye bye people"

Asking to get down from high chair (but this is really just to provide another method than throwing everything on the floor and screaming)

Saying "help mummy please lego" rather than just dragging me to the pile of bricks.

Not whinging but "using words" to express his needs.

Clapping other children's acheivements.

I must seem quite strict, but there is no reason he can't do any of these things and so it is useful for him to get on in the world by being polite and charming. We treat them as a game though and I would never withold dinner if he forgot to say thank you or anything like that.

FairyMum · 10/12/2004 07:10

Please and Thank You most important for me too. I don't nag them about it. I think children naturally picks these things up if you are polite and well-mannered yourself and my children are taught good manners in their nursery too.

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