What's all this about testosterone surges in little boys?

[screamsprout]

Ds turned 3 last week and I have had two friends warn me of the apparently dreaded testosterone surges that will happen from here on in. Apparently these will lead to some very difficult/aggressive behaviour.

Can anyone tell me more about this and advise on whether or not I need to build a shelter for me and dh?!!

Yes my 2 DSs definitely became more aggressive/difficult from age 3. I have also heard that testosterone acts like pheremones?sp and 2 small testosterone emitting boys can make each other worse. My 2 age 6 and 8 seem to go through difficult phases which could be explained by a sudden surge in hormones, a bit like PMT.

Steve Biddulf describes these in "Raising Boys". Definitely affected my two, particularly ds1. Not an excuse for bad behaviour, but you need to be aware, as you would when they are hungry, or tired, that they might need handling a little differently.

As Mimizan says, I definitely found that my testosterone emitting boys affected other boys, and it is worse in enclosed spaces. Being outside definitely diminishes that effect.

I found it with both of mine at 3 1/2 / rising 4-ish. Quite tough for a few months, then settled down...

Gulp! Will dust off the Biddulph (too eagerly bought when ds was tiny) and see what he says....

Screamsprout, don't panic! I have come across boys who are still calm, quiet and easygoing post age 3. They often come with smug parents who think their parenting skills are far better than everyone elses.

I was thinking of starting a thread like this today after calm, placid ds1 tried a running headbutt thing earlier!! Took him for a run in the park, am now off to amazon to buy the stephen biddulf book!!

It's difficult to know for sure, but ds (three in a few days) is definitely on one at the moment.

I find it coincides with major growth spurts, which would probably fit with the testosterone theory.

Deep breaths, ladies ...

OMG - this is a revelation! ds was 3 in Sept and has been a BEAST lately - I am mourning my dear little boy as he's turned into a moody bloshy monster! he's also just had a massive growth spurt too - interesting!

Yes, it's horrible, isn't it?

All of a sudden, it's 'I HATE this, I HATE that, I HATE everything,' accompanied with much stamping of feet.

Ignoring doesn't work with mine. I've told him, bluntly, that he's not to use that word, so now it's I H-DON'T LIKE THIS .... !!!

And he told my best friend he didn't like her the other day. So embarrassing (especially because I've a secret notion he never has done, right from the start)

oh yes - mine has started telling dd he hates her!

I think it's a phrase that's bred into them. Similarly, 'are we nearly there yet?' starts to kick in at about 2.6, given no prompting whatsoever

There is a philosophical argument that children are born full of rage, and it's how they deal with it when they are children that determines how they cope with rage as adults.

I think I've reached a point in life where I might investigate further ..

My 2 DSs have said all sorts to me at the tops of their voices on the way home from school. One DS once shouted that I was such a bad Mummy I should be put in prison
It was completely out of the blue and I just put it down to him being tired by school and having to control himself all day. When they get out they have to let go of all the frustration somehow, so Mummy gets it.

DS1 is 3.7 and loud loud loud. Dh thinks there is something wrong with him He is still very loving and caring but spends most of the day running around, shouting a lot and play fighting. He is not being badly behaved, just loud. I find we absolutely have to have a 'down' time of half an hour of TV each day and equally have to have at least half an hour to an hour of running/scootering/bike riding around the park.

ds has just turned 3. For the past month or two he has turned into a monster.

My mum refers to it as 'testing the boundaries', I won't say what I refer to it as.

IT's the arguing and throwing things that I find the worst

He's very temperamental as well (like PMT style) adn can often burst into tears at the littlest things.

I'm hoping he grows out of it soon cos it is doing my head in.

INteresting desi about growth spurts being linked. Ds has just about grown out of his clothes suddenly.

OHHHH yes!! ds1 is 4 (just) and he 'tests' the boundaries -hourly- minutely. he has become very very confrontational and him and dh together is like old stag/young stag. Also, the Biddulph books says somehwere that the testostereone stage also has another side effect of blocking up their ears temporarily and so they also go a bit deaf which is doubly annoying!!! Loving the post about the smug parents who bask in their own superior parenting skills - have met many examples of the breed!!!

this thread is very interesting.

Ds and dp clash a lot. Both very similar and so bloody minded Does my head in.

Also ds is incrediably loud atm. IF he;s not shouting/singing at the top of his voice he's banging a drum/tamborine/blowwing a trumpet thingy.

He's just so aggressive at points.

Am not likeing hearing abotu the 4's. First of all it was the terrible 2s. Then as he was growing out of them I was warned about teh terrible 3s, now the 4s - its just too much

There must be a connection with growth spurt/behaviour, dillo (and all). My ds (you've met him, briefly spinning past you in the museum) has suddenly grown 2cm and put on a couple of pounds.

I was expecting it, because the red book growth charts indicated as much (if he stayed on his percentile, which he did).

Dillo, your ds was as placid as a lamb by comparison to mine when we met, but I'll put that down to his tummy ache

'You be a rhino and I'll get a bow and arrow and kill you'.

There ... running commentary on his regular conversations with me Time for bed, methinks!

yes he was very restrained that day. Tummy ache leaves him practically immobile at points.

HE makes up for it on other days though

Then we shall have to meet up when they're both on form

I think the testosterone surge thing seems very likely. My DS is 3.7 and is still really sweet, but he is incredibly loud, doesn't listen to a word anyone says (at home at least - I get the impression he is a paragon at nursery), argues about anything and everything, and spends a lot of time rushing about banging and crashing and making fighter plane/racing car noises. I (mostly) find it very endearing, but it can be a little wearing on the nerves. In a funny way, I'm really enjoying having such a boysy boy!

Somewhere with lots of space would be good (Ikea cafe was not good idea with ds spending all his time legging it - similar to yours at museum). You were a big hit with him - he's not usually keen on people touching him when in pain.

We also have the rushing about at full speed, he's got very clumsy as well -think it's growth spurt and needign to work out extra long limbs. His speciality at mo is walking into wheely bins or falling off whatever he is climbing up.

He likes tellling stories but everyone ends up in it all going crash, bang and ending up on fire.

His passion for sharp knives is also becoming slightly obsessional.

Yes!
My son hasnt been possessed, it is normal!

lol lorayn

Well he might be possessed, Lorayn

But if he is ... he's not alone [paranoid emoticon]

Dillo, might I suggest Ashton Court on any day that isn't windy. I don't mind the cold (and God knows the boys don't), but I hate the wind. They can run their little bottoms off there ... and we can have coffee at some point. And a chat ... now that would be nice!

I'll catch up with you on the Bristol thread.