Feel like my happy, contented 5 month old has regressed into a miserable, screaming, inconsolable bag of noise and while I jest, it's tearing me apart

[97PercentGingerbread]

Title says it all really.

DD is 23/24 weeks old and up until now has been such a happy, contented and joyful little soul. She fed astonishingly well, slept, played, smiled and seemed happy within herself.

Over the last week or so it's like a regression. She screams, shouts, whines, groans and moans. She resolutely refuses to nap during the day and if you lie her down she screams blue murder. Putting her in her pushchair is the only solution and I have to walk for hours to keep her asleep. Stop and she wakes up. The cold, wet weather is going to make this untenable. Feeding during the day is a constant battle too with her thrashing about, screaming, refusing to latch on etc. She just seems thoroughly miserable. If you work very, very hard you can keep her smiling but her attention span has imploded too. She used to play happily under her gym, in her chair, in her pushchair, on your knee for quite a length of time. Now it's 2 minutes if that and you have to distract her to avoid another episode. She's also learnt the stiff as a board phenomenon and putting her in her puschair results in a huge meltdown. She sleeps 5hrs straight from 7pm then wakes every hour or hour and a half to feed but dreamfeeds effectively. We co-sleep and she wakes properly at 7am every day.

She doesn't seem ill, normal temperature, lots of wet and dirty nappies, still on the 99th centile and is exclusively breastfed. It doesn't seem like pain, it's almost angry. I know she's frustrated with immobility. She's a very 'up' baby and prefers to be held up in a standing position, looking at the world. She gets very frustrated on her belly, thrashing about trying to work out how to move forward and ends up angry and flapping.

I thought it might be teething. She drools constantly and bites hard on everything she can, especially on her right lower gum but this has been happening for weeks and I cannot see or feel a thing. And what 5 month old doesn't chew and drool? I know teeth move before they come through but this level of anguish can't be solely due to rumblings in her gum can it?

Every day is a struggle. By midday she's grumpy and overtired and I'm sobbing and pleading with an unhappy baby. I'm feeling like such a miserable failure. I can't bear to see her so unhappy.

So, what's happening?

Please tell me at 5 months they all go through this.

Amber teething necklace There are loads of sites but here's one!

Hubble, I was sitting here thinking, hmm, well, i suppose a cold hard stone to bite would help! I didnt realize the wear them!!!

I might give one a go actually! maybe it will encourage isobels to actually come through!

97, I really really understand just how you feel. I too have terrible probs with my back ( which i always seem to be going on about ) but, i gues it never goes away, soits on my mind alot.

I sat her in tears last night, telling my mum how much i'm letting my girl down as I cant get her out to groups. I only have one friend locally with a baby, she is so lovely, but i've not been able to get round there for weeks, and i feel my place is too small for her to visit us. Im' just so embarrased about how untidy it is as I cant do any housework. Its clean, as it gets cleaned by Dh and my mum, but, i cannot et to put clothes away etc and washing up hurts my back too, leaning at that slight angle.

mum told me i compensate in different ways. that isobel is not missing out. seh is happy, content and sociable. every one comments on how happy she is and how sociable. She is very funny too. great sense of humor already.

I am having to take morphine again for the pain, so cannot drive either. so i really really do know wher you are coming from. where abouts are you based?

you are not a bad mummy, and I know, deep down, i'm not either. but i know how it can feel like that sometimes. I dont know if my back will ever be better, but i do know that every day, isobel does something new, something different. she is growing, progressing and thriving despite what i cant giver her, there is plenty I can... i suspect the same applies to you.

97%, do you live near any other MNers at all? maybe you could meet up with one of them?

She's SUCH a scrumptious looking baby

BTW, just looked at your profile... gorgeous pics of your girl. you and I share the same dream about moving to a scottish Isle.

she's not hungry is she? Maybe you could try bits of food - mashed banana or whatever and see if that settles her? Only suggesting it because a similar thing happened with my ds2, who is the happiest child in the world but suddenly turned into this awful screaming unhappy monster and it broke my heart. We started him on solids and never looked back - it was like a light switched on and he was back - the change was amazing.

But I agree that it's probably teething (as well). Poor little things have a lot to go through at this stage.

Could be food - she's not far off 6m is she, and 99th percentile... might be worth a try?

Actually, it sounds like she's BLW herself with that cucumber anyway! How about some sticks of cold but ripe melon? DS loves melon when he's teething (in fact, he just loves it!)

yes LL - that's what I was thinking - if the cucumber kept her quiet for a bit, she might be ready to try other foods, which might feel nice in her tummy!

Thank you everybody. Disappeared for a while because I managed to get dd to go to sleep for about 20 minutes after a feed. Maybe the Calpol had a slight effect? She's currently eating the cat so I have a 3 minute window to post before the cat legs it/fights back/rolls over and plays dead.

Will be looking at those amber teething necklaces this afternoon, being a hippy, earthy type myself.

Susie, are we the same person? I'm so ashamed about the state of my house. I too can't wash up and although it's clean (dh and my Mum share the work and I'm mortified every time my Mum arrives and starts cleaning) it's never that tidy. Laundry everywhere, piles etc. I feel like I can't have anybody here. And dd is a very demanding baby in terms of sociability. She won't be put down and ignored, you must sing stupid songs and gurn lots to ensure interest. I resort to walking round the house with her in a sling excitedly crowing 'ooh look see a pot plant... and there's some dust... and a pile of crap that needs sorting' because otherwise she thinks she's being ignored. DD is thriving, sociable and happy (not at the moment obviously) but ask anybody who knows me, I'm convinced I'm letting her down all the time. Now's about the time I start banging on about how I had an em cs and couldn't even give birth properly but that record's scratched and I'll spare you the waffle. I'll see you on that Scottish isle some time soon. Got wellies and licence to grow lots of veggies all ready to go.

re food. Oh God, such a bone of contention. All my friends and family have been jabbering on since 16 weeks about 'feeding that baby'. I'm hanging on for 26 weeks because that's what the guidelines are. She's not picking things up pincer-stylee, still gaining lots of weight with just milk, still tongue thrusts at anything solid in her mouth and is unsteady when sitting unsupported, so keep thinking she's not ready. And everybody says food doesn't make an unsettled baby more settled. She has just stuck her hand in a vanilla yoghurt and is sucking it off as we speak though.

And thanks for saying she's lovely looking. You're all perfectly accurate.

Was trying to word a post accurately to explain about the whole weaning/26 week thing for you.

Your house is not improtant, it only bothers you I'm sure. SOH, lovely lady pleeeeeaaasssee stop worrying you are a perfect Mum to M, she will NEVER resent you for anything that you are feeling now.

Thought you'd like the sound of the amber. Will go nicely next to you with your straw hat.

Having now had a good look at them myself i'm even considering one for J

Gingerbread, if she is hsowing such interest in eating, i would seriously consider it. I know the guidlines say 6 months, but... some babies actually DO need a little more. it doesnt mean you are failing her. you will still breast feed her. isobel HAD tohave something at about the same age as yours. I felt that i'd ket her down, again! but, she was so interested in what we were eating, and started kust heloing herslef to things like DH icecream... yoghurts... etc. there was no stopping her

she's still Bf now, and has a good balanced solid diet too. just start off with somehting really plain and simple and she will lead the reat of the way.

sounds like we are the same person! I'm mortified when mum comes round, goes straight to kitchen and washes up. then goes and empties nappy bucket and washes it. I hate that i am SO bloody dependant on other people to function normally. I am having a massive ruthelsss clearout tomorrow ( well mum is holding up clothes and i'm saying yes or no ) to help with the piles of clothes everywhere.

you are not failing her. keep telling yourself you make up for it in other ways. because, you DO!

I must add, how horrified I have ben to discover tha lack of help available to mums with problem such as ours, by the local Social services. ther are a few voluntary organisations around, but none seem to offer the help we need. I cannot afford a cleaner either so mum has to do it all with Dh at weekends when he's home ( works away in the week) mum ad my brother ( SO embarrasing to ask him) are going halves on a cleaner for me as soon as i can find one!

sounds like we are in the same boat really... 'll keep an eye out for you around hear more

oops, should read: just helping herself

oh, and to add, its the piles and piles of things like laundry everywhere that get me the most too.

Oh my lovely 97%, i just posted on the May thread as i thought you sounded down.

Im sure it is teeth like everyone has already been saying, they all teeth differently and it can be maddening when all you hear for 6 months is "it must be teeth" but truly it is!

I hope she responds to the things suggested here, the necklace looks like a good idea.

When are you coming here to see me? It is not far away is it, we can beach walk and discuss teething babies. Beau is very excited to meet the tank and i am positively jumping up and down with glee at the thought of meeting you and J. Dont mind the mess that is my house, MrsJB ignored it i expect you to do the same

LittleLapin > is just round the corner from me. We must organise a meet up LL!

Oooh, where are you in Portsmouth? I'm in Southsea. 97% if you are near us you should come down!

97% - just wanted to add a voice of sympathy, I don't really have any suggestions but wanted to say that I empathise as my DS is going through a similar thing. I'm lucky if he will sleep for an hour and a half between 7am and 7pm. Even my fail-safe BFing to sleep isn't working. I'm now trying to bring in a naptime routine similar to bedtime, just without the bath. I'm undressing him and putting him in his sleeping bag, reading him a story etc. Not working yet but I'm persevering! I think it's a combination of teething but also, as you said, frustration at his limitations - he will scream blue murder if I take the TV remote off him! I'm trying to look at the positive side - perhaps it means they are super-intelligent and find sleep a waste of valuable learning time (much like DS's father does!).

97% loads more sympathy here - I remember when dd was the same age I was soooo lonely and she was soooo bored. She was terribly demanding from day one (actually still is )I spent too much time wondering and trying to work out if she was upset because of her teeth or hungry or what. The truth is there are no definite answers to why M is not her usual happy self and you are doing a great job simply by all the love and affection that you and your dh give her.

Fwiw, J is much happier in the late afternoon after I have given some mush and I know you want to hang on another couple of weeks, but if she is happier after some food you may be putting yourself through another couple of weeks of tiring times when you could both be happier tomorrow.. J too is frustrated by not being able to be upright, he loves his flying saucer and have you tried M in a highchair? She can sit almost upright then and gets to see everything that is going on.

Remember it does get easier and then there are plenty more battles and anxieties awaiting you next

more sympathy here. My dd did this too, was miserable for weeks, then 8 teeth came through in a month! The only thing that helped was baby nurofen - loads better than calpol, and works great on the smallest dose too. We also got a bumbo, as dd couldn't sit up properly but really wanted to see what was going on - the ones with the play tray worked great as we used it when we started BLW. IIRC, dd was about 5 months when she started solids, she was 95th centile and grabbing food from us - she loved cold melon, cucumber, cold pear etc. She hated those teething ring things you put in the fridge though!

More sympathy from me. M sounds just like A at the moment - lots of dribbling, pink cheeks and only able to entertain himself for a couple of minutes unless there are other children to gaze at (his brother doesn't seem to have the same effect...) and only napping for 25-35 minutes at a time. In A's case I'm sure it's teeth, but it is also mobility. If I put him down on his back he immediately rolls onto his tummy and pulls his legs up. He gets very frustrated about not being able to move very quickly, he gets frustrated in his donut or being held sitting up because he can't reach the toys he wants.

I'm also very shy but I just kind of swallowed it when I had DS1 and I realised what an amazing thing it is that you have in common with other mothers, in some ways it really doesn't matter how much else you share because children are such an absorbing topic. I'm lucky to live in an area where there are lots of other parents with young children around and friendly toddler groups but one thing that also worked for me was asking my HV if there were any other mums with babies about the same age that she could introduce me to. I made a good friend that way.

I haven't got time to write much, but your post could have been written by me about 5 month old DS

he's now 7 months and STILL teething, but his 4th has just come through the gum, and the 5th seems to be on it's way too

I think frustration, teething, distractions, it's all of those things. But I am now convinced with mine (I wasn't at the time) that it was teeth, as so many have now come through (poor love, 4 teeth in 6 or so weeks)

he's still not quite right, but he is 100 times better than he was at 5 months, when I was distraught that my super happy, super sleeping baby seemed to have Left The Building

oh and I waited til 6 months to start solids and waited for a miraculous difference to sleep and mood....and it made feck all difference TBH. He's very happy with food NOW (eats loads) but it really wasn't a magic cure

oh and I didn't realise who you were! hello

I echo everyone 97% - you are a brill mum - don't forget that.
I use the amber necklace for S and did so for DS1 - difficult to tell whether it works but he does seem calmer when it is on.
I think I am having the same issues as you - S is teething (can see one coming through) and has started SCREAMING in the evenings - he used to go down really happily. he is also rubbing his right ear but don't think there is anything wrong with the ear iyswim. Keep telling myself that this will pass.
Re feeding. I am bf S and wanted to wait until 6 mths before weaning (mainly because DS1 has asthma etc). however I felt he was hungry so, as a compromise, have given him baby rice and not cut any feeds (so far as I can tell - I am v much a bf on demand person). No scientific evidence that it is better but logically seemed so. Roll on 6 mths I say

I should say that i echo everyone 100%, 97%G!

Thank you all for your calm, reasoned responses. I am entirely convinced that it must be teething as so many other babies seem to enter the same hellish phase when experiencing the same thing. My frankly lovely hv thinks it's a combination of teething and an existential crisis. I have leapt fully into pretentiousness and instead of smiling benignly at strangers who are staring at my screaming child and stating 'she's teething', I've just started declaring that she is in fact having an existential crisis and then leaving in a puff of tye dye and lentil weavery.

She is still the bawling, screaming, anguished little bundle she was a few days ago and I have discovered that rubbing her gums with my little finger is the only way to calm her. Last night she woke a record 8 times, crying and rubbing her mouth. I am a drained husk of a woman but keep telling myself that this too shall pass. Still no sign of a tooth though.

I'm holding off on weaning for a while longer. She was weighed yesterday and is off the charts so still gaining like the Tank she is. It doesn't feel right yet and I don't own a highchair.

Again, thanks for being such a lovely bunch of ladies. I'm going to attempt to join some kind of group or just start chatting to random strangers. DD is the perfect excuse, she draws people over by grinning at them and then insists on charming the pants off them. Then her stuttering mother tries to make conversation and ruins it! I think the problem is that I just don't know the answer to 'is she good?' and until I find it I can't move on in the conversational world and tackle such big questions as 'is she sleeping through yet?' and 'who does she look like?'