Is it possible to get a 2year old to listen when you tell them to 'stop' or 'come here', particularly when out and about, but also indoors? If so, how?

[dandycandyjellybean]

Dh is doing his nut because ds will not always come to him when he calls him, or stop when he tells him to, i.e. stop, don't run out the front door or onto the road, etc. (dh is on crutches and so has the disadvantage of not being able to run after him)! I think ds is still a bit young for this concept, although I do admit to struggling when trying to get ds into the car with loads of bags and stuff and just have to put him down for a sec to open the door or whatever, and he runs off. Would love for him to just stand still when asked but feel a bit clueless about how to acheive it...can you help? Ps he is pretty good about most other stuff, put him in a bed a few weeks ago, expecting him to keep getting out, but just explained that he must stay in bed until mummy came to get him in the morning, and he did!! Was very shocked. But no amount of explanation about the dangers of cars, importance of listening/obeying seems to make any difference.

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No, sorry I do think that a 2 yo is not able to grasp the concept of roads being dangerous. My DS is 3 and is really good now, he takes my hand to cross the road and does not run away.

The other problem is that although children may understand by about 3 yo, you cannot rely on them to remember. If they are excited or see someone/something on the other side of the road, even a much older child can forget all he has been taught on road safety.

I was in hospital with DD years ago and there was a 8 yo boy who was run over, or rather less dramatically worded, bumped by a car. He was at a church fair and the children were going betweent he fair and the playarea on the other side of the road, he forgot to look and dashed out into the path of an approaching car. Luckily the car was going slowly (it was an off duty policeman) and he got off with some bruises.

I think your DH is expecting too much of your DS. I guess that a wrist strap would be difficult for DH at the moment with crutches, but you could try one to ease your mind while shopping.

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I'm interested too.

my DD was pretty good at this, but my DS was hopeless. With DD, i could say, stay by the car, and she did! No way would DS do this. You may have a chance if you look them in the eye and say it in a very serious voice. But IME, the only guaranteed way to get a two-year old to stop is to grab them. Put them on reins if it is a real problem.

I would say too young given the experience of my own ds. But I was always more successful in getting not to run off if there was something for him to do, like instead of just saying "stand there" with whatever explanation I would say "wait and hold onto this door/my coat/a bag" or some such, though it usually involved holding.

Also, he had a wrist strap and hated it so being threatened with it would help him follow orders, but that was after 2 1/2.

agree with those that say at 2, it's probably just too much for them to grasp. the desire to run off and be free outweighs everything!

ds now says to me 'road very dangerous mummy, don't go on road' and looks around. but I know full well that if he saw something he wanted on/over the road he'd be off like a shot!

only thing that works with ds (2.2) is if i distract him, like WCS, put him down by car and ask him to hold something, or generally i'll say, can you help mummy open door/press key/hold car key etc....

but without distraction, I think it's a bit of a loosing battle at this age unfortunately.

Very very occassionally a loud panicked tone of voice will stop ds in his tracks as he tries to jump down the stairs backwards or similar.
More often it is a case of physical intervention, which must be really tough when you are on crutches. Could you use a long wrist strap and make a game out of it as if your ds is 'walking daddy' ( liek walking a dog...) so he will hold on but not charge off still attached leaving your DH with the choice of letting go and watching chaos ensue or holding on and being dragged down the road on his chin by a speeding toddler!

Thanks for all your replys, guys, you have really confirmed what I thought. Both dh and I agree that it's not really feasible for dh to take him out alone anyway until he is older. It's just that dh has a tendency to assume that if ds doesn't come when he calls him, or ignores requests to stop etc that he is being ignorant and 'naughty' whereas I was pretty sure that generally he was just being typically two iyswim!

yes - very typically two, that's for definite!

OK, I got DS to stop 'on command' when he was about 20 months old. I can't always run after him as I have a 6 month old. It's not foolproof but it works most of the time.

We frequently play games in which he has to stop. For example, I get all his musical instruments out (maracas, drum, etc) and we bang them around and stop when I say stop. I do this over and over again, as a game, and he does eventually stop when I stay stop. Then I encourage him to say stop (POP is his word for stop!). Sometimes we listen to music and walk around, and I stop the music and say stop! and we stop dancing. And then I practiced it in the street, walking together. We run, hand in hand, and we stop running when I say stop. We do this over and over again, quite often. He loves it! As a result of these 'games' he stops 'on command' well almost all of the time.

Recently I was outside a cafe, with tables outside, struggling to put DS2 in the pushchairand DS 1 started walking towards the street. I said STOP and he stopped immediatly, and there was a dad sitting there with his daughter and he was gobsmacked! Anyway, I'm not bragging or anythiing, ut I am quite proud of myself!

Congratulations Blueberry Pancake - you obviously have put a lot of work in that I didn't .

My nearly three year old daughter isn't good about roads at all - she's a very energetic child and open spaces are for running in her opinion. This is of course despite my doing rigorous road training / traffic light training etc since she has been able to walk.

Sometimes I have to grab her by her hair to avert danger.

It's just a game, you know, and he's having fun while doing it and it's a good skill to have. He is quite shy and reserved little boy, so I think it's also in his nature not to run away too much...

IMO it is pointless to let it become a battle of wills, they don't have the full picture and just react to the tone, more often than not by opposing it as it what 2yr olds do.

but I think it is worth while giving quiet advance warning that a situation is going to change to give them time to adjust.

with my LO if she does not move I quietly pick her up/ move her and talk about something else as I do as have achieved end goal

also lots of positive reinforcement, praise when they do what you want them to

2 year old children are trying and exhausting creatures

what a good idea blueberrypancake, might give that a go with ds. He stops instantly if I say "no" and when we leave the house I say "wait for mummy" and he stands by the door while I lock up. I reckon it's down to the lo's personality though, he seems to be naturally quite compliant, I haven't had to really do anything much to get him to do that.

Hi there. I'm fairly new at this, so bear with me! I have a DD who's just reached 18mths. I was pleasantly surprised when we were out and walking one day and I asked him to some to me and take my hand, please. He did, no arguments. We are teaching him road safety now. I don't expect him to understand, or even keep it up, but the ground work is being put in place!

With the problem you are having, I had the same thing, so now if he mucks me about he go straight in the pram, harness on. when we are out he will hold my hand without arguement, but ignores any command to stay put etc, and any harness alone won't work, so its a case of hold my hand or in the pram end of story. Untill hes old enough to understand 'no' means 'no'. In doors is the same issue, so we have safety gates everywhere. Just got to keep consistant and firm (famous last words...)

HTH

Mine is rather like shopping bag's ds - it's all down to how adventurous they are I think and mine isn't very. He is quite compliant while we are out (I am so tempting fate here) and happily holds my hand while we are out nearly all the time.
The downside: ds is also ultra cautious and the one that blocks the slide as he needs coaxing down! Is yours like that too Shoppingbags? Obviously that's not a big problem but the grass isn't totally greener!

no, weirdly he's also quite adventurous. Before anyone thinks I think he's perfect, though, he's a little wotsit at lunch time and still wakes in the night most nights

Likewise in case I sound smug, mine can be the world's biggest winger....and a real wuss around other kids.

I used reins with dd1 until she was about 3 1/2 at least until she had learnt to obey the rules and learnt a bit about road safety, but even now that she is nearly 4 I still have to be wary near roads as she will dash out of excited or not thinking. The threat of reins is often enough to make her hold the pushchair, and also playing the stop and go game taught her to stop when i shout stop. Tho also, by no means works every time.

I feel reins are better than the wrist strapsm cos if they fal, or you have to restrain them it stops them bodily, rather than giving them any kind of reach, esp near a road, and also you could easily damage the wrist if you have to catch them or pull them to stop them, with the strap, whereas the reins catch the whole chest and don't really injure them.

I quite often put DS (20months) on reins when we're out, so that i can grab him if he does run off, don't hold them unless i have to. Or a hooded top so at least I have some chance of stopping him if he hurtles off somewhere.
I have taught him that he doesn't walk in the road, and he quite often points to it and shakes his head and tells himself 'no'. Whenever we walk across the road he has to hold my hand, even thought he screams and tries to pull away, i explain that it's only while we cross the road, and i praise him all the way across (looking like a mad lady!)
He will also wait on the top step if i tell him to, but i know he would leg it if something exciting went past (dog,cat, pram, cloud...) I think you can teach a child certain behaviours but when they do run off or ignore you they're not really being naughty.

I have had absolutely no success with the 'come here' bit. One word from me and dd (18 months) does exactly as she wants!

She is very good at 'wait' though, perhaps because of the tone of voice, perhaps because I have used it rather a lot if I'm getting her lunch or something ready. Then she knows she has to sit on the kitchen unit and stay absolutely still until her lunch is ready. OK, its not the safest place for her to sit, but I think the fact that she couldn't wriggle around helped her learn that 'wait' means stand/sit still.

We have wrist straps for our 21 mo DS but he's really not keen at all. However, he took to those 'Little Life' backpacks immediately - about £12 from John Lewis I seem to remember.

He likes the 'grown up bit'of carrying his own things but like another poster, I prefer them to reins or the wrist strap as it does mean we can steer him, or stop him bodily (or pick him up) by the small loop handle whilst allowing him to wander a bit when safe to do so on the long handle.

I am 9 months pg at the mo so absolutely knackered and lacking the patience to deal with a very energetic toddler (or ability to actually touch the floor to get him up). Whilst he is getting better at listening and obeying instructions, as soon as he is tired/stroppy/distracted I just think it is unfair on both him and I to expect him to have the brain capacity to rely solely on that without resorting to some physical means of keeping him safe.

My DS is a very strong willed 2 year old but I did the counting to three thing with him, first few times I had to take a perk off him ie we won't go to park today if you don't do as I ask by time I count to three, I now rarely even get to two and he does as asked, it works because he knows the consequence.
That said would never trust him near a road, not until he is at least 23 anyway!

i put my son back on reigns and explained that if he cant do as his told then we will have to use reigns

he didnt like these at all so when out i used to say if you hold my hand i wont hold reigns and the minute he tried to run off i held reigns and said firmly i told you to behave your self

if he has a consequence for his actions he will learn by it my ds holds my hand no reigns and he will play up occasionly as any 2.5 yr old would but he has consequences for his actions he was holding my hand from 2 and new full well what i was asking its called testing his limits so there needs to be a consequence or why should he listen lol

get a wrist strap, my ds who is 2 next week can sort of listen half the time but i have a trap for busy times