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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD almost 9yrs old in tears all evening....what do I do?????

43 replies

minesalargeone · 17/10/2007 21:58

Don't know why...she came out of school with a long face. I've tried to talk to her to find out what's up but it's just 'nothing'. She so sensitive at the moment - if I have to raise my voice she cries. She's moody when she gets up in the morning, moody and quiet walking to school, moody when she comes out of school and doesn't say a lot walking home again.

Any ideas anyone? Had parents evening on Monday night and all is ok at school, as far as her teacher knows etc etc. Plus she's a bright kid so academically all ok.

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CarGirl · 17/10/2007 22:01

Hormones????? It's dreadful but it sounds familiar!

Original poster

minesalargeone · 17/10/2007 22:04

Yea I did wonder about hormones. She is a well developed girl for her age - ie she's very tall and gone quite thin but curvy iykwim. She gets to look so tired sometimes - it worries me - she goes very dark underneath her eyes - I give her a multi-vitamin tablet every morning and she eats really well (fruit & veg etc) and I try to make sure she gets to bed in good time yet she still gets so moody. I asked her tonight why was she so tearful and she just replied she didn't know.

I've got half a mind to keep her off school tomorrow just to have a breather - or is that the wrong thing to do?

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controlfreaky2 · 17/10/2007 22:04

is this a sudden change or has she always / often been like this....?
are you sure she's not being bullied?

Original poster

minesalargeone · 17/10/2007 22:07

It seems to have been a gradual change in her since going back to school after the Summer holidays. I don't think she's being bullied - she's not the sort of girl to put up with it and will stand her ground and I've always told her she must tell me or a teacher if she has a problem at school. I know kids can be kids and especially girls can be nasty to each other but I will ask her that tomorrow just to be sure.

I'm really trying hard not to worry about her - I have another dd (4) to think about too but even she is getting the rough side of dd1's behaviour and I'm beginning to see her copy her elder sister.

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FloridaKbear · 17/10/2007 22:12

My DD is 9 in Feb. She is very teary lately and moody like a teenager. I ask her what's wrong and she says she doesn't know. My answer so far has been to molly coddle her a bit. Lots of mum and DD time together and lots of support with the vast amount of homework they are getting now in Year 4. I often sit with her while she's working and make her a hot choc and stuff like that.

I'm trying to soothe rather than demand answers for her moodiness - will let you know how successful I am but seems to be working so far.

DS is 6 and more self-sufficient at the moment so luckily I can give her some time while he potters about in his room in the evening.

I fear worse is yet to come with the hormones soon to be raging, if they aren't already.

controlfreaky2 · 17/10/2007 22:12

what year is she in, year 5?
it's a difficult time and i think with girls especially friendships are often tempestuous and changeable at this stage and can make them really sad at times. is she in a big group of friends / one of a few / one best friend? try asking some of the other mothers how their dds are?

Original poster

minesalargeone · 17/10/2007 22:20

She's in year 4 and yes the homework is far harder and a lot more of it than in year 3. She has a fantastic teacher though who has worked wonders with her already - really boosted her confidence and self esteem which does tend to be quite low at school.

She has a lovely group of friends - she has those that are quiet and those that are very loud and tell her what to do and how to do it. I have asked other Mums - fortunately we all get on well and can ask each other and apart from alot of the kids being generally very tired there doesn't seem to be any problems.

Sometimes I look at her and think she's ill because she looks so tired especially towards bedtime - she suddenly goes very pale and her eyes go dark - I know its because she's tired so I suggest to her that she goes up and does her teeth etc to head towards bed and she'll stomp upstairs, slam the bathroom door, and throw herself into bed. I then go up to give her a kiss and cuddle and she shuns me away and it really does upset me!

She's my eldest dd so I'm not used to hormonal changes but does it sound like it is hormones with her? She's 9 in December.

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controlfreaky2 · 17/10/2007 22:25

well by half term here we're all v tired and a bit emotional (and the kids)

Original poster

minesalargeone · 17/10/2007 22:30

Do you think keeping her off tomorrow to have a rest is a good idea? Or am I tempting fate? She didn't get off to sleep until 9.30pm tonight - she was still crying when I checked on her - I know she'll be tired in the morning. Catch 22!

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FloridaKbear · 17/10/2007 22:33

ah the familiar story of going in for a cuddle then getting the cold shoulder! I say okay, night darling and turn out the light then she crumples and puts her arms up like a baby and we have a cuddle and it's all better. I think Year 4 is quite a shock to the system and they feel like they're growing up but they still need their mums so much. Us mums will always be the emotional punchbag though, want a cuddle, no I don't, yes I do. It's exhausting!

FloridaKbear · 17/10/2007 22:37

BUT.... this is unlikely but I have to say it as it happened to me when I was 8. I had an overactive thyroid which made me a hyper-sensitive/hysterical for a while and it was misdisagnosed by the gp many times as attention seeking etc when in fact I was very ill with a heart murmur and high blood pressure and a fast heart rate, never slept, ate like a horse (stole food and hid it to eat in bed), was very skinny and very, I mean ridiculously, over wrought and over emotional.

If you suspect this is more than age, might be worth getting her checked over by the gp.

Probably not but worth a mention I thought.

Original poster

minesalargeone · 17/10/2007 22:37

Yes and don't they know how to make us Mums feel guilty? If I do have to raise my voice to her and she starts to cry and I walk away I then suddenly think 'oh god, what have I done?'....

She can be such a lovely kid and has some lovely caring qualities about her and yet she really knows how to rattle me. Perhaps I expect too much of her - I don't know - sometimes she behaves like a child much older than her and then other times its as if she's gone backwards a couple of years..especially when I've devoting my attention to her younger sister - the jealousy is so apparent.

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Original poster

minesalargeone · 17/10/2007 22:39

She does have some lumps around her glands in her neck - I've had these checked many many times by various GP's plus a specialist at the hospital and they've told me every time they are harmless swollen glands - they do hurt her but she's had them for years. Any ideas?

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FloridaKbear · 17/10/2007 22:44

Not sure about glands in the next but my thyroid goitre was very prominent at the front and a specialist would spot it immediately.

Hope I haven't worried you more by mentioning it.

Maybe it's just 8 year olds?

FloridaKbear · 17/10/2007 22:44

glands in the neck... obv!

starshaker · 17/10/2007 22:47

why dont u keep her off tomorrow and just spend some time together. forget boring housework go to a cafe have a cuppa do some shopping and have a girly chat. sounds like hormones to me and when i was nannying i did this with 1 of the girls i looked after she explaind that she didnt know why she felt so upset and down she just did. that day out cheered her up a bit and she felt she could come to me and just chat

Original poster

minesalargeone · 17/10/2007 22:48

No it's ok I'm not worried about the lumps too much but as you mentioned thyroid I just remembered the lumps were there! She doesn't complain about them but if I happen to push on them, say if I'm washing her hair, she'll tell me they hurt. I know of another kid the same age who has the same lumps so I guess its her age. She is an active child - loves sports etc and is what I'd class as normal with her energy levels.

I don't know if other Mums are the same but you know when you have your first child you have this special sort of relationship with them? I feel this way with her. Whereas my younger dd I have a different relationship again. Hard to explain but when dd1 plays up or we get the stomping around/attitude etc I just find it hard to deal with because I still look at her as my 'special' daughter....do you see what I mean? Makes me sound a bit doo-lalley but all this really does pull on the heart strings!

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FloridaKbear · 17/10/2007 22:49

I went out with DD on Saturday to buy lip gloss - that the was the sole purpose of our trip and we had a really nice time!

Original poster

minesalargeone · 17/10/2007 22:50

Thanks starshaker...I'm just worried that if I keep her off I may have problems persuading her to go to school on Friday! She can get quite clingy when she wants to.

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Original poster

minesalargeone · 17/10/2007 22:51

I know I need to make time for her but she's been at parties for the last two weekends and with me working Saturday mornings and my dh working Saturday afternoons plus having dd2 to deal with its not easy!

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starshaker · 17/10/2007 22:52

well keep her off friday instead tell her u are gonna have a nice day just the 2 of u (if thats possible)that way she can maybe stay up a bit later tomorrow and watch a dvd with u then have a long lie on friday morning

FloridaKbear · 17/10/2007 22:52

No I understand you ... I have a special bond with my DD too although my second child is a boy and that's different anyway and he is a daddy's boy. Me and DD are very in tune emotionally, if that doesn't sound weird, as in if I am moody she is moody and if I'm all happy and chilled, she is too. She breaks my heart just looking at her, I love her so much and I won't even bore you with me filling up with pride at parent's evening tonight!

I think the next few years will be tough on our heart strings.

Wail...

Original poster

minesalargeone · 17/10/2007 23:00

Yep I agree - she's a child I'm so proud of - she's bright, clever, top of her groups at school - pretty (takes after her father!) and can be such a lovely caring happy little girl BUT her moods are just dreadful. I just despair with her sometimes. I just don't know what to say, how to help - I worry I say the wrong thing - I worry I'll lose my cool and shout - I sometimes sit and wonder why the hell did I have kids in the first place...

Even dh doesn't know what to say to her anymore for fear of upsetting her - she does have a big jealousy problem with dd2 - having a 5yr age gap doesn't help (mother nature for you!) but if I say 'well done' to dd2 you can see the envy written all over dd1's face. It's as if I can't compliment dd2 on something 'just in case' I cause dd1 to go off in a strop!

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Original poster

minesalargeone · 18/10/2007 09:45

I had a happy, cheeful, helpful, co-operative, skipping to school 9yr old dd this morning....phew! That's what comes as a result of a good nights sleep and a good breakfast I guess?!!!!

HOWEVER, I had a stroppy, wouldn't eat her breakfast 4yr old dd instead this morning...refused to get dressed and in the end I left her at the front door for dh to take her to playgroup and I walked my dd1 to school instead.

If its not one its the other!

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Original poster

minesalargeone · 18/10/2007 09:46

cheeful???? I meant cheerful! Oops!

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