DD almost 9yrs old in tears all evening....what do I do?????

[minesalargeone]

Don't know why...she came out of school with a long face. I've tried to talk to her to find out what's up but it's just 'nothing'. She so sensitive at the moment - if I have to raise my voice she cries. She's moody when she gets up in the morning, moody and quiet walking to school, moody when she comes out of school and doesn't say a lot walking home again.

Any ideas anyone? Had parents evening on Monday night and all is ok at school, as far as her teacher knows etc etc. Plus she's a bright kid so academically all ok.

Hi, I've got 4 girls, 12, 10, 6 and 4. It sounds like hormones to me! My big two are like unexploded bombs, I give them space and watch to see what mood they're in and act accordingly! The mood can change from minute to minute, so it's a bit odd in our house! When they're angry, I back off, I only get involved if they're hurting a sister. If they're sad, and need a cuddle, I'll pretty much drop everything because they're going to need less cuddles and I want to make the most of it! Also, a touch is really comforting. My dh hasn't a clue and upsets them all the time because he doesn't read them and make allowances.

It is the end of half term and everyone is shattered, if you keep her home you need a good excuse, or you might start big problems with both of them going to school and playgroup. I find even 1/2 an hour watching Tracy Beaker and having a cuddle (if she wants one) with one on her own makes a big difference. Just being available helps.

Sorry to go on..... I feel really strongly that my girls shouldn't be afraid to feel whatever the hormones are making them feel, and to know they are NORMAL and still accepted.

Mind you, both my sisters think I'm far to easy and should have more rules! So maybe I'm talking sh*t!!!!

Hi rachelsara and thanks. I guess hormones can kick in at her age then? I can't really remember back to being 9yrs old and when I ask my Mum she just says we were ok but at 9yrs old girls (especially) suddenly develop and grow up ??

I haven't kept her off school - I asked her at 7am this morning if she felt ok, which she did, and was she ok to go to school and she replied yes so we had a normal get up and get ready scenario. It was the younger dd who was a real pain in the arse - very difficult morning with her.

Needless to say I'm enjoying my bit of peace and quiet this morning....case of having to otherwise I'll lose the plot.

Mmm, my 6yr old had to get my 4yr old dressed this morning because she was being a cow! In the end I had to bellow like a mad woman to get her in the car - she's at school so there's no room for sillines!

Does your 9yr old smell funny? Have greasy skin/hair? They're signs. My ds1 is in high school now, and hasn't started her periods yet, but quite a few of her peers had started in yr6. They have both been strange since yr4. Their friends are all going through it which makes it even worse! At least 2 of my friends have resorted to the gp for advice, because it's so upsetting. One Mum gives her dd evening primrose, but mine won't take tablets. She reckons it helps and hers has been having periods since she was 9 1/2! It's hard to look at my ds1 (who is my special girl) and she's the same height and so beautiful. When I'm out with her, I catch boys of 16 checking her out! It makes me want to sob! She thinks boys are aliens and she's never having babies because sex is so gross! Long live that attitude! I'm I bit hormotional but I still see the tiny round face of my baby!

Good luck, stay calm and talk to mums in the playground with older daughters. It's good to know you're not alone!

She doesn't show signs of being hormonal with her appearance - ie hair/smells etc but she is getting the odd bit of dry skin on her face and spot but she is so good with her hygiene so nothing is glaringly obvious.

Over the last few months she's suddenly got taller, thinner and 'grown up'...I still look at her and think she's my baby but I do treat her like a 9yr old - ie I give her her own space, I make sure we have some 1 to 1 time (but probably no where near enough due to time constraints - me at work, dd2 to deal with etc etc) and she does eat extremely well - no rubbish!

There are girls in her year who are refusing to go in the school gates in the mornings at the moment - Mums are pulling their hair out - there are girls that look like death warmed up - no colour etc so I guess its a combination of her age, tiredness, working hard at school...but I just wish she were happier - she was ok this morning - but it'll be at 3pm today when I'll know what sort of evening we're heading for just by looking at her face as she walks across the playground!

I think the fact that you're thinking about her this much means it will all be fine! Live for the moment I say! I'm afraid that I will microwave a ready meal or four so I've got time to cuddle 4 kids in turn, but not every day

People say that when they actually start their periods it gets much better, because the moods are in a clear cycle, and you can work around it. That must be why nature makes women living togather follow the same cycle, so we're all miserable together!

Thanks.....my dh has just rung to see if I was ok...bless him. He just said the same thing really - lets have a 'junk' meal occasionally if it means I have to spend less time cooking and preparing a meal and more time spent with the kids.....you're right rachelsara - thank you - you've been a great help. xxxx

Thank you

I'll probably have massive rows with both my big girls and tantrums from the little ones tonight and end up locked in the loo crying like a baby!

I'll join you then cos no doubt I'll be in the same boat!

I've just picked up dd2 from playgroup and they told me that not only had she eaten her snack of toast/apple etc but also two big bowls of soup they'd made plus the packed lunch she took and she's still complaining she's hungry.....well if only she'd eaten her breakfast!

They've also said they've got an outbreak of chicken pox and a sickness bug...great....just in time for half term! Typical!

Ahh, some of this is lovely, hearing about your special relationship with your first dds. So hard to see them growing up and changing so much.

I have twin DDs who are 6. I was quite shocked to hear about hormones kicking in at age 9! Seems so young.

Yea 9 is young but I think it is hormonal plus tiredness and school too - all thrown in together and I end up with a stroppy moody dd....which I can normally deal with but when I'm tired, have a stroppy dd2 plus a dh home late from work I find I am at my limit with my patience which doesn't help one bit but I've got to learn to chill out, sod the housework, sod the healthy meals that take time to prepare and sit and veg with her....occasionally...well, once a week I guess or atleast until I get so stressed out with the huge pile of washing, ironing, empty fridge, no tea on the table, no clean underwear, no ironed uniform, no this, no that.....oh blimey, I will find the one to one time with her, I promise....!

OK - not a good day today....dd(9) ok(ish) today until this evening...she ate her tea (chicken and fresh veg - so nice and nutritious) and then asked if she could go out with dh to take the dogs for a walk, to which I replied yes, providing she put her thick coat and gloves on because it was bitterly cold. She didn't want to wear the warm coat she has and basically flipped! She started stamping her feet and crying so I told her to have a bath and go straight to bed - she ran upstairs to the bathroom, slammed the door, had her bath etc and took herself to bed. I went into her room to open her window for some fresh air - she was sobbing in bed so I ignored her - said goodnight and left. She was asleep within minutes....

Did I do right or wrong? TBH I don't feel guilty for not even trying to talk to her - I don't seem to get very far with her other than she'll say sorry, we have a cuddle and it all gets forgotten about and then it'll happen again and again so what is the point? What I'm worried about is that my other dd(3.10) is picking up on her elder sister's behaviour and beginning to copy with the door slamming, stomping feet...I can't win!

Forgot to mention - it was as if she just flicked a switch.....she was ok one minute and then lost the plot the next - I was stood at the top of the stairs not able to understand what went wrong when she stormed into the bathroom and my dh was stood at the bottom of the stairs nodding his head in disbelief. Weird.

any help/advice anyone???????? I feel a little bit lost on this one.....sob sob.

Oh poor you it sound awful. Sorry I don't have any experience of this as my dd is 6 (have it all to come ) but it does sound like a hormonal thing.

Have you tried the How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so that Kids will talk (or somehting like that) approach? It really works with my DD.

Hope tomorrow is better for you both.2q11

sorry about "2q11" bit, kitten on keyboard!

I have tried so many times to sit and talk to her about the way she is with us but she just says she doesn't know and that she is sorry. We always try and talk things through - we both do - and it always ends up the same way - cuddle and kiss and everything fine..until the next time it happens but tonight was the final straw for me - I've never just walked away and ignored her but I did tonight - and I don't know if that was the right or wrong thing to do.

Sorry, I realise that you've tried to talk it through with her, I didn't mean to sound patronising.., What I meant is have you tried another approach, specifically the one outlined int the book "How to Talk to Kids etc" (long-winded title!)? It's been discussed on MN a few times, particularly on this thread. Sorry if you've tried that already!

mammya - you weren't patronising...its just me getting fed up with being a Mum!!!

I just didn't know if sending her to bed, without talking to her was the right way to go about it considering I've never done that before - I've always been one to go and sit on the end of her bed and ask her why she is the way she is and try to resolve any issues. Last night, tbh, I'd had enough and ignored her. This morning she seems ok but I've not seen much of her - I go out with my dogs first thing and she's got up whilst I was out. No doubt she'll be fine today - she usually is 'after' the event but I'll see what she's like later.

I was just at a loss last night - I simply didn't know what to do when she was throwing her little tantrum stood in the bathroom - I just nodded my head in disbelief and walked away.