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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How on earth can I get dd's hair combed without it turning into a battle and both of us getting cross???

46 replies

lilybubble · 07/10/2007 20:09

Dd is 4 and since the age of about 18 months has hated her hair being touched. She has long hair, and doesn't like it being brushed, combed, washed, tied back, and quite often doesn't even like it being touched. She has not consistently disliked this, we have had small bursts of success but they are always extremely short-lived. I've always thought it's a phase and she'll grow out of it, but she really isn't showing any signs of that!

With her due to start school in Jan, I really want to try to move forward with this. Her hair has a massive knot in it at the back, and she literally screams and hits the roof if I touch it at all.

Does anyone have any advice as to how to deal with this? I am tired of battling and just want her to have beautiful hair

Thanks x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sheherazadethegoat · 07/10/2007 20:11

cut it? or invest in a mason & pearson hairbrush.

moondog · 07/10/2007 20:12

Conditioner
Or cut it
Not worth the constant aggro

sarah573 · 07/10/2007 20:15

My DD is also 4 and hates having her hair brused. We have some of that anti-tangle spray. She spays a bit, I brush it, she sprays a bit more....you get the picture. Is a bit of a pain when you're running late in the morning though!! She is still not very keen on wearing it up, but at least she doesn't go to school knotty!!

GreatHauntieWurly · 07/10/2007 20:15

lots of conditioner and try to comb whilst wet when she is in the bath. Spray in conditioner to soften her hair.

Let her brush your hair and then tell her its your turn to brush hers. Or get her to lay with her head on your lap and try to run your fingers thru it just to seperate it a little.

DumbledoresGirl · 07/10/2007 20:18

My solution to this problem was to get my dd's hair cut into a bob. It worked wonders. That was about 2 years ago and since then, she has been growing it again but it always looks a mess and she screams when I brush it yet can't manage to brush it herself properly (she is 7) so the other week, we had it bobbed again. Peace reigns!

ThePhantomToiletFlusher · 07/10/2007 20:18

OOOH, I solved this problem with my daughter by buying a natural bristle hairbrush off e-bay, its made by "kent brushes" and is fab...IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE!!!! Honestly, no tears, tantrums or anything, it is amazing!!

Think it was £5.95..well worth the investment. Do you want me to go on e-bay and find the seller for you (it was a shop I think?).

Sheherazadethegoat · 07/10/2007 20:19

natural bristles is definitely the way forward. £5.99 is a bargain compared to what i spent.

janeiteofthelivingdead · 07/10/2007 20:20

Cut it! Dd2 had her hair cut really short and it was the best thing ever! No more tears or tantrums and no more messy hair!

At the very least, I'd say get it cut into a chin length bob (like the Petit Fillous advert) rather than trying to keep it long. If she's not "into" her hair in the form of bobbles, plaits etc there's no real reason to keep it long.

ThePhantomToiletFlusher · 07/10/2007 20:22

Just been on e-bay, the seller was a shop called "Kentbrushes", I paid £5.95, plus 2 quid postage. It is quite a large natural bristle paddle brush.

My daughter has long hair and as I say it has really worked a treat.

DumbledoresGirl · 07/10/2007 20:22

We have a natural bristle hairbrush - I never use anything else tbh. Mason Pearson is better than Kent but we have both. Still caused tantrums with dd, hence bobbing her hair.

DumbledoresGirl · 07/10/2007 20:24

Ooh yes, like the girl on the Petit Filous ads - good description of my dd's hair!

lilolilREALLYISFEMALE · 07/10/2007 20:24

Would LOVE my DD to have a "Petit Filous" bob. She had similar short bob 5 - 6 years ago,and it was gorgeous. Her hair is longer now (on basis that she needs to put it in a bun for dancing) We use detangling spray and it does the trick.

SpookyBearistheSpookyBear · 07/10/2007 20:29

My DD is 3 and has tantrums when I brush her hair too. Also washing it is hell.

Detangler didn't help ("NO! NO! Not the detangler!! Noooooooo!")

Sometimes I just yell and scream at her. It doesn't help as such, but it helps me to vent!

That is crap advice though, obviously .

I've suggested she has it cut off, but she has tantrums about that idea too, as she has a big old mermaid/princess/fairy complex going on.

Sometimes if I sing to her "What a beautiful fairy with her long fairy hair" she will let me brush it without too much fuss .

Or if I manage to tell her a impromptu story (probably about mermaids/princesses/fairies) then she may stop crying so that she can hear what happens. Little madam .

Sheherazadethegoat · 07/10/2007 20:36

whispers [i don't wash dd's hair] just rinse in water if there ia particularily yoghurt encrusted tat.

Ripeberry · 07/10/2007 20:49

I use detangling spray and it works quite well.
If i'm brushing her hair and it hurts, i just tell her to slap my knee (wearing jeans of course) and it seems to stop her complaining so much.
May get a natural bristle brush now.
AB

Bodkin · 07/10/2007 21:08

Same problem (but mine has really curly hair) - various tactics that work for me:

Have a small spray bottle with a mix of conditioner and water in it - much better than detangler.

Or I quite often put DDs hair in 2 plaits and leave them in overnight. Then in the morning, undo, quick comb through again (no knots in it) and re-plait.

Or tell story while I do her hair. Make up a really daft story and get her to fill in bits, so she is concentrating on that rather than the hairbrushing.

Let her watch telly while I do it.

HTH

FloridaKbear · 07/10/2007 21:12

Try serum, that helps.

Also cut it to just below the shoulder level and it will still be long and pretty but so much easier to deal with. Did this with my DD recently (she's 8) and the difference is amazing, she can now brush it herself, right to the ends and underneath without me having to do it a bit at a time, it looks so much nicer.

steppemum · 07/10/2007 22:09

I had long tangly hair as a kid and it was a nightmare every morning until my friend suggested I sleep with it in plaits. It worked wonders, hardly any tangles.

Also, (these might be stating the obvious) start at the bottom to comb our tangles, using something wide toothed to start with.
Spray on detangler as you brush (my sister -in-law swears by this, her 3 girls have long very very curly hair.)

Cut it so it doesn't have long stragggly ends.

Negotiate. No brushing, then you have to have short hair. Use reward charts, stickers, involve her in the decision etc. Prizes - one week of no arguements gets a new bow/clip

Good luck!!

hamabeads · 07/10/2007 22:11

Yes detangler is great stuff.

TheWorstMotherInTheWorld · 07/10/2007 22:16

DD1 4 yo wants long hair but i've told her she can only have long hair when she is old enough to wash it and brush it properly herself, maybe when she's about 12 yo. She has a very cute 1930's bob, like i had when i was wee (not in the 1930's i hasten to add!)......and a curly blond wig for playing at being a princess.....

Original poster

lilybubble · 07/10/2007 22:39

Wow, thank you all so much. Sorry I disappeared, but did manage to bribe her into getting it done eventually and then computer froze. After lots of cajoling, and calling out of the window for the police to come to see her we eventually agreed I'd do it while she played a new game on her vsmile.

I think you're right and I do need to get it cut, but getting her into the hairdresser's chair is quite another thing! But I am going to keep on, and then just get it done. Sad, but there's just no point her having long hair really if it just means upset for us both.

Phantom, am loving your enthusiasm for that hair brush, so will definitely try that - thanks so much for the info.

SpookyBear - sounds similar to me and dd!! Good to know I'm not alone!! I said to her tonight "You can have beautiful mermaid / fairy / princess hair" - to which she replied "Yuk, I HATE mermaids, they are disgusting! Argh!

steppemum, I have just started with a reward chart, as have recently started having problems with her getting dressed in the morning too. Trouble is, we agree on a reward, and when she then doesn't get dressed and I tell her she won't get her star, and won't get the reward, she says she doesn't care, doesn't like the reward..... Too smart for words! But I did negotiate (bribe!!) today and that did work eventually.

Sheherazade - you're not alone, as I go aaaaages between washing dd's hair. Today she didn't wash it, she just got it wet in the bath.

Well thank god that's over for tonight, hair is lovely again for a short while. Thanks so much for all advice - much, much appreciated

OP posts:

fingerwoman · 07/10/2007 22:42

lilybubble your dd is old enough to understand when you tell her that if she lets you do it EVERY morning and evening that it'll be less painful because it won't get so knotty.
so keep reminding her of that.
also, you could plait it at night so that in the morning it is easier to brush. just wet it a little bit to take the crinkles out if she wants it straight.

Otherwise I would definitely say to her that if she won't let you brush it then she has to have it cut.

fingerwoman · 07/10/2007 22:42

personally, I love shorter hair on little girls

Original poster

lilybubble · 07/10/2007 22:50

There is absolutely no chance of her letting me put plaits in her hair. She has had this done precisely once in her whole life. I so wish I could! I am always pointing out other little girls with nice plaits, ponytails, clips etc, and she has sooooo many hair things! I will suggest again, and will also endeavour to make sure I remind her morning and night, that's a good idea, thanks!

OP posts:

fingerwoman · 07/10/2007 22:53

well it's a compromise isn't it- if she wants long hair then she has to put up with plaits and brushing
definitely try the reward chart too. it won't be long before she realises that actually it isn't so bad if she lets you put it in plaits at night and brush it regularly- then it'll become a lot easier on you both I suspect

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