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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Leaving babies to cry can result in "Shutdown Syndrome"

175 replies

morningpaper · 03/10/2007 19:46

I read this on Dr. Sears and thought it was very interesting.
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THE SHUTDOWN SYNDROME
Throughout our 30 years of working with parents and babies, we have grown to appreciate the correlation between how well children thrive (emotionally and physically) and the style of parenting they receive.

"You're spoiling that baby!" First-time parents Linda and Norm brought their four-month-old high-need baby, Heather, into my office for consultation because Heather had stopped growing. Heather had previously been a happy baby, thriving on a full dose of attachment parenting. She was carried many hours a day in a baby sling, her cries were given a prompt and nurturant response, she was breastfed on cue, and she was literally in physical touch with one of her parents most of the day. The whole family was thriving and this style of parenting was working for them. Well-meaning friends convinced these parents that they were spoiling their baby, that she was manipulating them, and that Heather would grow up to be a clingy, dependent child.

Parents lost trust. Like many first-time parents, Norm and Linda lost confidence in what they were doing and yielded to the peer pressure of adopting a more restrained and distant style of parenting. They let Heather cry herself to sleep, scheduled her feedings, and for fear of spoiling, they didn't carry her as much. Over the next two months Heather went from being happy and interactive to sad and withdrawn. Her weight leveled off, and she went from the top of the growth chart to the bottom. Heather was no longer thriving, and neither were her parents.

Baby lost trust. After two months of no growth, Heather was labeled by her doctor "failure to thrive" and was about to undergo an extensive medical exam. When the parents consulted me, I diagnosed the shutdown syndrome. I explained that Heather had been thriving because of their responsive style of parenting. Because of their parenting, Heather had trusted that her needs would be met and her overall physiology had been organized. In thinking they were doing the best for their infant, these parents let themselves be persuaded into another style of parenting. They unknowingly pulled the attachment plug on Heather, and the connection that had caused her to thrive was gone. A sort of baby depression resulted, and her physiologic systems slowed down. I advised the parents to return to their previous high-touch, attachment style of parenting?to carry her a lot, breastfeed on cue, and respond sensitively to her cries by day and night. Within a month Heather was again thriving.

Babies thrive when nurtured. We believe every baby has a critical level of need for touch and nurturing in order to thrive. (Thriving means not just getting bigger, but growing to one's potential, physically and emotionally.) We believe that babies have the ability to teach their parents what level of parenting they need. It's up to the parents to listen, and it's up to professionals to support the parents' confidence and not undermine it by advising a more distant style of parenting, such as "let your baby cry-it-out" or "you've got to put him down more." Only the baby knows his or her level of need; and the parents are the ones that are best able to read their baby's language.

Babies who are "trained" not to express their needs may appear to be docile, compliant, or "good" babies. Yet, these babies could be depressed babies who are shutting down the expression of their needs. They may become children who don't speak up to get their needs met and eventually become the highest-need adults.
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OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LucyJones · 03/10/2007 21:10

"They fall asleep in your arms, or in their chair, or on cushions on the floor ... and then you put them to bed.
"

and then you put them in the cot/moses basket and they wake up and howl like hell!!

WizardofWilkdom · 03/10/2007 21:10

Don't like Dr Sears views - I'm not into the attachment parenting theory - I'm not saying it is wrong it is just not my choice.

However, I was an advocate of CC until I tried it properly. Dor me, it resulted in an exceptionally upset, hot and angry little boy who wouldn't settle AT ALL. I have resorted to going in, picking up for a small cuddle, putting down when he is calm and then walking out. If he starts again I go back in rather than leave him to cry. Works for me.

meemar · 03/10/2007 21:10

Yes I agree with theclosetpagan - what I meant was not really CC as such, but the method of shutting the door totally ignoring a baby so that it just cries itself to sleep from exhaustion. I think it's called 'cry it out'.

Having said that, I attempted CC a couple of times and still feel bad about it (DS2 is now 2), so I think cornsilk has a point too.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 03/10/2007 21:13

"They drop off when they drop off, don't they? "

Not always - DS2 and DS3 (to an extent - and better recently) do/did - DS1 never slept without being attached to me (and I couldn't put him down - or even move away from him if we were in bed at the time) or being taken for very long walks in his pram......not always easy to do at a) 2am in the morning or b) the dead of winter

Walnutshell · 03/10/2007 21:13

Same here, ds very high tolerance for the pain he must feel as he frequently throws himself about, strange child.

I don't think it's helpful to make a blanket judgement regarding CC but I do feel that a young baby will be more confused and unable to process the rationale behind the method, whereas a young toddler will perhaps start to make sense of the situation.

Having said that, I would hate anyone obviously reflective and sensitive (squeakybrushes) to be any more worried than we all are - constantly - about our own parenting abilities and the choices that we have made. It's a tough job.

WizardofWilkdom · 03/10/2007 21:14

Walnutshell - good point about baby/young toddler and CC. Think I may have tried it too early (6 months).

BroccoliSpears · 03/10/2007 21:15

QoQ - fair enough. Will admit that I am speaking with only the experience of one baby who, by all accounts, was a pretty easy sleeper.

You can quote me again next year when I'm sobbing on MN with number 2 who just. won't. sleep!

WizardofWilkdom · 03/10/2007 21:16

Morningpaper - my DS (9 months) hardly EVER cries when he falls over unless he really whacks himself. I put this down to being a rufty tufty little boy. Some of the things he does (mainly with his head) make me think 'OUCH!!!' and I wait for the cry but he inevitably just crawls off grinning!! Weird child

madamez · 03/10/2007 21:17

WHatever you do, some fucker will tell you it';s wrong. And there will be a Syndrome or COmplex they've invented, and you will be able to fix it by buying the fucker's book/dvd/special stick to wave at the baby...
Remember that whatever methods are used, the majority of babies survive them and do OK in the long run (actual infliction of torture or stuffing them in dustbins excepted).

Walnutshell · 03/10/2007 21:18

[oops, meant to post after mp 21:02, forgot to refresh]

Lucyjones - yes, possibly, but so what? That's what the crying is for - to let you know that there is a need to be dealt with.

There are as many different parenting styles as parents - brilliant!

PeachesMcScream · 03/10/2007 21:19

"I have never understood any form of sleep control in small babies. They drop off when they drop off, don't they?"

If only.

CC and a good routine taught my son to nap properly during the day, and he became a changed child. For the good. Then when he was 10 months we did it at night as well. After two nights he slept solid and has been a good sleeper ever since. And not, so far as I know, at all depressed.

There really is a need to distinguish between controlled crying and abandonment.

Piffle · 03/10/2007 21:19

well my husband is a prime example of it...
he was over mothered for the first 6 years as his elder brothers were away at school, he was his mothers last child and he was lavished with attention.
Then everything changed aged 9 when he got sent to boarding school and saw his mother 2 x a year as she took a job as a PA to a top Hong kong banker and joined her husband

tori32 · 03/10/2007 21:26

Sorry, from my experience what a load of crap!
I used some cc on my dd from 6 wks.

She is far more chatty and from an earlier age than my friends baby who was attachment parented.
She still cries when she falls and asks for comfort from me or DH etc.
She frequently asks for a cuddle and enjoys the company of others.
She stayed on exactly the same centile as pre cc.
Intellectually at 20mths she can tell me the colour of all obvious colours of objects, can talk in 3 word sentences, comprehend complexed instructions, eat with a fork and spoon. Has some tantrums but is easily brought round by asking her to use her words and say what is wrong. She can also name all body parts without prompting.
My belief is that a child who has a good sleep pattern will thrive more for several reasons:- a. The body has more time to recover from the previous days activities and can mentally regenerate. b. More calories are preserved when the body is in sleep mode and therefore a baby should gain weight more easily. c. Baby is encouraged to learn techniques to fall asleep unaided which will help later in life when co-sleeping is not practical.

Walnutshell · 03/10/2007 21:28

Wizard - I certainly don't want anyone to feel unecessary guilt (suspect it's part of the parent job description however) and actually I do think it is a bit pointless to isolate and over-analyse one aspect of the overall parenting role. Of course, it's great that we do this from an academic, progressive perspective and it makes for a lively debate, but in terms of judging the whole package of what any mother/father/guardian provides for their child/ren, it doesn't provide a very complete picture.

In other words - you are probably doing great. Or at least as good or as bad as the rest of us! [she rambled]

Walnutshell · 03/10/2007 21:36

tori32: of course sleep is important, but please don't assume that to not practise CC means the baby is necessarily somehow deprived of essential sleep - they don't all 'naturally' sleep for 12 hours from 6 weeks and why would they?

tori32 · 03/10/2007 21:44

No I agree that not all babies can, as I have said on previous posts I think its about the amount of food they get during the day time. I had a big baby who fed well during the day and didn't need to feed in the night by 8 wks. We did cc for naps for the first wk, but after a few days her routine was set and she is still in it now. We never needed to do it much at night except for a couple of nights and even then we didn't leave her for more than 15 mins without going back to her.

I have to say that surely to do cc when they will not remember at a baby stage is better than doing it at the toddler stage where they will remember.

I agree that crying to sleep is bad for babies if it takes longer than 10-15 mins.

I also had cctv on her cot so could check her on the TV!

BabiesEverywhere · 03/10/2007 21:50

I love Dr Sears, I have one of his books and read his website.

I think it is wonderful to have a loving family to explain how they choose to parent their children and then those children grew up to stand alongside their parents and say how loved and attached they are to their parents and supposely bring their children up in the same vein.

Breath of fresh air, compared to the unloving detatched parenting methods some childless 'parenting gurus' prefer.

Piffle · 03/10/2007 21:52

tori I also think that's crap too
my ds1 never slept... well ok 10 mins out of every hour for the first 6 weeks, he was busy feeding the other 50....
He is a genius apparently and never needed sleep.
My dd however slept perfectly from day dot
She was a fail to thrive despite barely ever crying....

thankfully with ds2 I have an average baby who gains well, eats normally and sleeps averagely well...

NotAnOtter · 03/10/2007 21:55

have left babies to cry and breastfed them to 28lb beefers

3andnogore · 03/10/2007 21:55

Morningpaper...have read this article many years ago (well, ms was just born, so almost 5 years ago....)
Anyway, I found this article really interesting and it really helped me to make a few connections, between things my mum told me from when I was a Baby...finally things made sense...
(I have told this story before, but will agian, as it ties in well here...sorry to those that I bore to bits, lol)

I was born in 1970 with a cleft lip and palate, and as you can all imagine Hospital care, etc...was rather different.
When I was about 3 or 4 month old I had to go into Hospital. I went in a chubby Bubby, even though feeding me was a nightmare...due to teh big hole in the palate, etc...and I know my mum spend a lot of time getting food into me....anywya, I went into Hospital and was issued a tube for feeding (to save time, I presume) and over the next 4 month, which is how long I was in Hospital due to Surgery being delayed for x, y and z reasons, etc...and back then a parent would only ever be allowed to look at you from the other side of a window. Nurses would only feed you, change you and whatever in a schedule and of course cuddles weren't really given.
Now, considering that theoretically, because of the tube, I got all the nutrients and more then ever before, I lost loads of weight...especially the family that wasn't able to see me at all during that time (Hospital was to far away for visits anyway, and visits would have been a bit pointless, I suppose) were totally shocked byt he state I left Hospital.
Reading this Sears article therefore makes complete sense to me.
Another weird thing, in that time I also started to rock myself, obviously this was to self comfort, and it's somehting I still do to this day to get to sleep....

I think those that are now getting all defensive about Controlled Crying are missing the point, because this Sears article is NOT really about Controlled Crying that much ...it is about a combination of "love" withdrawl and about a technique that is called Cry it out, which is actually different to CC, as in a parent just doesn't respond...whereas in CC a parent would go in to the child in intervals to reassure...

Desiderata · 03/10/2007 22:09

Sorry, I still think that CC is crap. They sleep when they're tired. I think a lot of fans of the acronym style of baby parenting just confuse that with when they're tired.

Meaning the parents.

xXxamyxXx · 03/10/2007 22:12

very interesting thread never left my ds crying he slept through night just before three months very very happy clever little boy not at all spoilt

PeachesMcScream · 03/10/2007 22:20

Well Desi, perhaps I imagined the endless crying of a child which wouldn't just sleep anywhere like other babies did.

Desiderata · 03/10/2007 22:30

Oh, peaches, I know they're all different.

I just don't like the acronyms and the 'experts'. They make my knees jerk.

Since time immemorial, some kids have been buggers to get off to sleep. I don't see how adopting an approach from a complete, academic stranger is going to help.

tori32 · 03/10/2007 22:39

I think as a parent you can only say what has worked for you, routine and cc did it for us as a family and we have a great relationship with our dd and each other. I can't ask for any more. Everyone makes their own decisions and lives with the consequences be them good or bad. Thats life.

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