Nightmare 1st session at Tumbletots! - Really low - Do i go back?

[shaz1234]

My daughter is now 19 months and full of energy so i decided to enrol her into tumbletots.

I have never attended any sort of parenting group etc. i never even went to antenatal.

My daughter has a cousin of a similar age and they spend time together for an hour or so a week, but other than that she really wasnt mixing with other children.

So... i took the leap and now im feeling really really low.

It seems that every other child in the room was well behaved and my little girl was really really out of control.

She wasn't the only child who was there for the first time, as there were quite a few. But she was just sooooo naughty. She did not listen to anything i said, running around the place with no consideration for others.

But isnt that just part of being a toddler? doing what they like and letting off steam.

What upset me is the looks i got off the other mums. No matter how much i tried to make conversation, they wern't interested. I seemed to be chasing my daughter round like a mad women whilst they all had there own little group of well behaved angels!

When it was time to sit in a circle and do songs my daughter screamed, kicked and even slapped my face (which she has never ever done!) as she wanted to go on the aparatus. Everyone was tutting and the leader of the group said afterwards that my daughter obviously had more learning to do at song time.

When she was on the aparatus she wanted to do everything in the wrong order etc and i thought this was fine as she was obviously just getting used to the environment, but they seemed to 'tut' and say she was starting at the wrong end.

This is so unlike her - the reason this has upset me so much is that i am not used to this, everywhere we go, my daughter is normally such a good, polite girl. And even in her tantrums she is usually controllable.

So at the end of the session we kind of left in a hurry red raced and now im unsure what to do.

Part of me thinks that if i do not continue with the sessions then she will never learn how to do it the right way, and learn to enjoy her time there. But another part of me thinks i just cannot go through that again.

I am not very confident person anyway, and am always doubting my parenting skills - maybe im just best to continue as we have been and not try to disrupt her routine with clubs etc????? Or i am holding her back?

I just want my daughter to be happy and to be learning to her full potential.

Twofalls, are you a newbie?! You seem to have been here forever!

Isn't it terrible how some mums look at you when yours play up - really gets me annoyed! We've all been there, should stick together and support each other.

Are there any other groups in your area you could try instead? My twins are a similar age and we get on better with the less structured groups where you can get up and dance when you feel like it.

It's worth trying a few groups to see what you get on with. If your DD hasn't been to anything like this before she is probably just overwhelmed - the children and noise can be pretty full-on. Mine have improved at these groups over time but it's taken a while. Perhaps go to a couple more and if no improvement try something else?

Blimey shaz, what a nightmare! I dont go to TT as there is not one local to me and i dont drive, i think you may have just put me off.

I think the fault here lies with the organisers, how can you expect a 19 month old child to do things in order!! So what if she doesnt sit down to do singing, shes not used to that sort of thing (not saying you dont sing with her but just not used to the groups etc). I regularly go to a lovely baby music group with DD, its a bit yummy mummy but we love it. The ages go from 0-18m and 18m-3yrs. The children are not expected to sit around rigidly, although most times they are so engaged by the group leader (i am in awe of her!) that they want to sit and listen and join in. But very often you get lo's doing a circuit of the room, investigating sockets and fire exits, its in their nature (and its usually mine!) its not a big deal.

To be honest, what you describe sounds bloody awful but i would go back actually, give it another couple of sessions, dont take any notice of others, they sound like a bunch of alpha mummy clones to be frank. Let your dd enjoy herself and she will soon realise what is expected and if she doesnt, well then TT isnt for her as she is clearly a free spirit Maybe if you are wanting to socialise your dd then you should try M&T, i personally abhor it but i go for dd and she loves it. At her age 2.2 she doesnt exactly play with other children, apparently they dont do that yet, but they get alot out of parallel play so even if they look like they are not interacting they are.

God i hate cliquey people!! arrrghh, its my number one bugbear about being a mum, having to tolerate the numbskulls.

I think it's very odd that the group leader said it was 'wrong' for your little one not to want to sit down. At my first one I kept chasing DS around during song time, then the leader took me aside afterwards and said if he gets up during song time don't worry, you just stay sitting and singing and having fun and the helpers will watch him on the apparatus! That was very sound advice and the next week DS was happy to come and sit because he thought he was missing out on fun! Sounds like a bit of a rubbish group leader to me. And I would never dream of 'judging' another mum whose child is running around and yelling - at ours that's all they do! And DS never does things in the 'right' order and that seems fine too. Unfortunately I think because it's a franchise groups will vary in quality and you've been unlucky. If the atmosphere doesn't suit you, don't go and don't beat yourself up about it.

Really hunker? I still feel like a newbie and have only been here since April which makes me a positive whipper snapper in comparison to most

i havent read all the thread,but oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!
as if the leader said she had some more learning to do!!!!!!!!!!
shes 19 months old for god sake, new environment, loads of kids, fun stuff to do!!!!
im sure mine would have been exactly the same. if i was you, i would have had something to say the that woman. aren't these places ment to be friendly and inviting, whatever your child behaves like. the whole idea is to let them be as adventerous as they like, or so the advert leads you to believe.
im really sorry for you, and wish me and my dd could have been there, cause i would have backed you up!!

she's just being a toddler! We've all been there with a kid screaming it's head off round Asda's the whole way or one bashing another over the head at mother and toddlers!

Now there's a thought. Maybe a few sessions at Mums and tots groups might bring her on. I used to think they were full of mums talking about organic sausages and breast-feeding but actually it was anything but. The play isn't so structured as tumble tots (which my eldest son never liked anyway.) I mean, how on earth are you supposed to get through to a toddler that they must climb it in the right order and take turns etc?

Leader sounds like she's just in it for the money. The parents sound like typical 'oh but my little Johnny would never do that' types. Try it a few more times and if you don't like it then don't go back. There's no point persecuting yourself if you feel uncomfortable around these people.

Regarding parenting skills, we all feel like that most of the time!

My ds goes to tumble tots with his nanna. He has been going for a year and loves it. I am constantly being told by my mum how well he does and he has been good. Last week I had the day off and went instead. He was a monkey to say the least. I believe because he was showing off and was excited because I was there.

Please dont be put off it was as others have said probably a bit overwhelming and exciting. Also I dont know about your group but ours is very structured and i think that can take a lot of getting used to.

The other mums are probably just looking and thinking thank goodness its not me this time, because I am sure at some point it has been or will be. Keep persevering people may just be shy initially and the more you go the more they will be likely to talk.

Hope it goes well.

I know all groups are different and dont know which TT you go to but if its anything like ours it will get better and people will be friendly.

(If it doesnt it is their loss because lets face it you're paying for it, it is down to the leader of the group to create a relaxed environment where people feel comfortable)

p.s re parenting skills I think we all been there. I know I have.

Ooh, Shaz, your dd should meet mine (though she's nearly 4 now). Never went to TT but Monkey Music was a farce - she always loved running around the perimeter. She always loved dancing in the middle of the circle with a few other kids. She never wanted to sit and clap, play instruments (which she loves at home) or join in circle activites. Gymboree, ditto - loved the climbing/imagination games, hated circle.

i never knew that such a thing as a well behaved angel toddler my ds doesnt like the groups where they do story time and sing he can do all that at home really loves toddler groups where they are let loose to play and just be toddlers with mothers only getting involed if they fight we even let them go up the slide the wrong way if they like shocking i know!!no body judges if a toddler throws a wobbly we dont tut just share stories of how ours made a show of us ext extdont be put off just go somewhere else

xxxamyxxx, there was a very long thread some time ago about letting your child climb up the slide - it's amazing how steamed up some people get about it. Perhaps the purpose of Tumbletots is to keep the children who are not allowed to climb up slides out of the way so they're not blocking everyone else's way by trying to slide down

By the way, when they get to 3 years old, the children do TT by themselves and the parents sit in another room and chat. Luckily for me, there were some lovely women in that group - one even brought along a huge thermos of coffee and chocolate biscuits for us all every week.

which group do you go to? prob worth finding another one.

tbh my DS is 19 months, and you ahve described our first session we had 2 weeks ago (am yet to go back again thou! lol) our leaders said you didn't have to do things in order - (I had lotd of looks as well) but I think (personally) that if you and your LO enjoy going then don't feel pushed out by the other mums.

also my DS is very much the excitable one iycwim he runs about all guns a blazing until he's had a share/turn of everything and then calms down - so I suspect if you do go again you'll get on much better.

might be worht seeing if theres another group/any mnetters close by who you can go with for moral support?

Hi, just thought i'd add my experience to this.
I thought of enrolling DS (2.3 yrs) in tumbletots, but one of my friends recommended a similar group run by our local council in a one of the leisure centres, and its fab. Soft play with some gym eqipment out, a bouncy castle on alternate weeks and two lovely ladies who do their best to get the little un's doing forward rolls, jumping on trampolines and so on. There is no realy structure to the sessions so the little uns go on what they want when they want, and if they want to do the "roly polys" they can, and get an ink "well done" stamp on their hands for doing so - they all love this! Theres a bit of singing and action songs at the end, which can be a bit hit and miss with my DS. Sometimes he just runs around in circles or gets on the trampoline but no one cares. I love going, so does he.
Perhaps your local council does something similar? Its part of the SureStart scheme i think, and you don't have to pay for a term. Its £3 a session thats all. I'm in Nottingham and they do sessions at loads of leisure centres over the City. I thoroughly recommend ours!!
If I were you, and there's nothing similar around, give it another shot. The more you go, the more your DD will get used to it and if she's anything like all the little ones at my group, she'll begin to love it. Juswt depends on whether she'll respond to the "structure" you've mentionned. HTH.

I tried taking ds to the Sure Start run things here but making a toddler sit down in a circle and watch me making hand movements while singing... well, that was never going to happen. In the end I stopped going. I know I'm not a bad parent and it really didn't seem unreasonable to me for a toddler to want to run around. I took him to a toddler group in a church hall instead and he loved it there. Even when they had song time it was okay for whoever wanted to do it to run round the hall like a mad child once all the toys were cleaned away... er whoever as in the kids, not the adults!

He started nursery last week and has no problems sitting still on the carpet and singing songs.

Tutters [stern look emoticon]

I suppose I can let you off, at least you noticed it yourself

Shaz, I think it's a good idea to try it another time and see how it goes...I have never been at Tumbletots, but, would think, that as any group, it so depends on the leaders of teh group, and who goes to them, etc..to either make them a good experience or a not so good one...
Also, I think it's really easy to feel paranoid and watched and judged, if your child doesn't behave the way you would want them too...but often people don't actually judge....often people look in pity, thining , oh I been there or phew it's someone elses child today....

Sorry haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say that we used to go to gym minis classes, same thing as the tumble tots and paid just under £50 for the privilege.

Enjoyed the clibing activity things but the "they have to sit still and sit in a circle and not move and do as they are told" thing really p**^^d me off and would not really recommend it.Bit much at the age of 18 mths to 3.

Would rather let them loose in the park at no cost.

Oh I could have written this post years ago (and probably did actually!)
I had similar nightmares with my live wire kids, and know exactly how you feel about the 'looks' from the other parents.

I used to come out of these conformist sessions really low too, until I decided that these toddler boot camps (as I reckon they are) were simply not suitable for all kids/mums, and kids should be able to run free. If it's not fun, and you are getting stressed, then stop doing it.

Personally I would ask for my money back and take your little one to the park for free.

Retrospectively what a waste of time these organised groups are. We used to live in central london so tried them all out, tumbletots, music groups, french groups - some of them had waiting lists so you had to put your name down before the kid was born

Take your lovely daughter to the park, feed some ducks, find some other kids/parents and start talking.

I went to a similar group with DS1 when he was 2 and he behaved the same. One of my great parenting regrets is that I carried on going. It was awful and I can still remember how inadequate I used to feel while I was there. DS2 was a newborn so I had my hands full, and nobody ever offered any help or support. I remember one particularly awful time when DS 1 was really pulling my hair, and everyone else was sitting in the circle with their perfectly behaved children singing some jolly song. I felt like I had a sign on me saying 'crap parent'. The leader actually suggested we stopped going

I have tried Tumble Tots with my more compliant DD and sacked it, as it was too regimented and bloody expensive.

Try taking her to the toddler swim session at your local pool. Mine have all loved that most of all the activities. They can't really misbehave, it's unstructured, tires them out and is really cheap. You can still get to meet other mums if you want to.

my tumble tots gives out a printed letter on the first session saying (amongst other things) that its perfectly normal for the children to ignore the equipement of be more interested in running around at first and that it takes about 4 sessions for them to get used to it.

DS won;t sit still for the songs, he roams around but they seem OK with it.

shaz i'd stick with it for a while yet. if shes not used to it your DD is probably totally over excited by it all .

I realise its horrid when your kid is playing up and all the others are being calm though. My DS would scream wheverever we went from 3-6 months and I could never have a conversation and felt totally isolated while the other mums had mellow babies cuddled up to them and had a chat. Hope things get better soon!

I used to take my DD who is now 2years and four months to all of these groups, tumbletots included. She was far too young for any structure and every tunbletots session was a nightmare. I spent a fortune on going to various groups. However I have discovered that she probably enjoys going to the park, going to mothers and toddlers where they have free play and can make a noise much more fun.We also have found a great swimming pool that has toddler time on a sunday morning, so we take our DDs and have fun with them ourselves rather than in the format of a group.All children are different but as parents we dont need to be spending money on all of these groups for toddlers, they like simple fun wheere they have freedom in a safe environment.