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Behaviour/development

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Confused and a bit worried, can anyone advise? This is a bit of an essay, sorry

78 replies

Greensleeves · 20/09/2007 13:08

DH picked ds1 up from school today (he's doing half days for the rest of this week, just started in Reception). When they got home dh looked ashen and ds1 avoided my gaze. DH said "There's good news and bad news about school today" and told ds1 to tell me the bad news first. ds1 refused to tell me, dh insisted, etc, until I sid "Just tell me fgs!!".

So dh told me that ds1 had told him on the way home that he had been on the computer on a 5min timer, and after the 5 mins were up he was supposed to let the next child on. He said he refused to get off the computer, then lost his temper and shut the other child's fingers in the door on purpose. A teacher had to run for some ice because the other child's fingers were cut and bruised. DS1 was then put out in the corridor, where he proceeded to bang on the classroom door.

The good news apparently was that he counted to 140 and got a gem (big bloody deal )

DH said the teacher hadn't mentioned anything, but that there were hoardes of kids everywhere at pick-up and she couldn't easily have got to him.

So I questioned ds1, told him that if playing on the computer was going to have this effect on him then I would have to stop him from using the one at home and talk to his teacher about restricting his access to the school one (thread a couple of days ago about his new obsession with Wikipedia and google).

He then informed us that he ahd made the whole thing up and that none of it really happened. DH and I were totally nonplussed, so I phoned his teacher (most embarassing, he's only been there just over a week) and told her the story ds1 had given us. She said absolutely none of it happened, no fingers shut in the door, no shutting out in the corridor - that in fact ds1 had chosen not to go on the computer and had done a lovely tracing insted. Also that he had then tried to go on the computer during tidy-up time, but that the computer he chose was frozen and wouldn't work (which we agreed served him right). She also said that if anything on this scale HAD happened she would obviously have told us, which made me feel about two inches tall, but ds1 was very convincing and it was a very detailed fabrication!!

Does anyone have experience of this sort of fibbing, or any idea WHY he would want to get himself into trouble like this? I have had a gentle chat with him about it (starting with congratulations about the gem) but he just clammed up, wouldn't look at me (nothing new there) and muttered that he "wanted to see what would happen". He said the same thing at nursery when he turned on all the taps and flooded the toilets, and when he kicked all the heads off the new spring daffodils

Aaaaaarrrghhh!!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
pageturner · 21/09/2007 09:17

Greeny!

When is the party?! If we can make it, we'll be there - ds2 loves a party!

How about that coffee? Would be lovely to catch up, particularly on all that don't-children-who-have-just-started-school-turn-into-monsters stuff.

francagoestohollywood · 21/09/2007 09:23

pageturner!!!!

Fennel · 21/09/2007 09:46

Catch up on a Tues or a Fri then I can join in. Though I don't have school or nursery starters, I can bring tales of reception-starter dniece (endless grumps, already been off ill, fights with another girl in the classroom).

I think Boco is talking sense there. more than the rest of us who have got diverted really.

francagoestohollywood · 21/09/2007 09:51

lets do tuesday, I can come as well, if I can moan about ds's underachievements.

MrsPuddleduck · 21/09/2007 09:57

I absolutely loved his story! The fingers/bruising/ice add real drama to the whole thing!

It sounds as if he was tyring to make his day sound exciting and has a great imagination.

I wouldn't make too much of it - teachers always make you feel two inches tall - it's in their job description!

(apologies to all teachers )

Fennel · 21/09/2007 09:58

Tuesday am or pm good. My only commitment is going to eat school dinner at 12.15 our new chef is showing off the menu and parents are invited to try it out. I believe that's over by 12.30 though. No slow eating tolerated.

Fennel · 21/09/2007 09:59

Back to the OP, think positive. Rampant imagination and story-making = less likelihood of Aspergers or similar.

pageturner · 21/09/2007 10:06

Tuesday good for me: am means less rush for me to get back out to the sticks for school pickup. can be in town for 9.30...

Tales of ds2: he threw his bookbag at his teacher then sat there looking more surprised than she was. 5 mins later his friend 9also new starter) went up to her and said he'd told ds2 to do it! I never thought he was so easily led.

In answer to the op (at last ) we've had lots of lies about things they have/haven't done at school. Your ds1 is particularly imaginative so his stories were inevitably going to be that more colourful. I really don't think you need to worry, though i realise that's easy for me to say. Give him time, going to school is a huge transition.

So, how about Tuesday...?

francagoestohollywood · 21/09/2007 10:22

I'm in, am better than pm. I can be in town by 9.30-10. Where's that elusive greeny?

Fennel · 21/09/2007 10:38

I can do 9.30 or 10am on Tuesday too. Without children.

Greeny could be on one of her 10 daily school/nursery runs. She probably just has time to get home and then go back out again.

pageturner · 21/09/2007 10:52

Oh Greeeeeeny! Where aaaaaaare youuuuuuuu?

Tuesday it is then. Shall we let Greeny say the time to fit in with her military movements? Oh, and where?

Oh, I will, be sans enfants as well, because all of mine are at school! Yippppppeeeee!

Peshasofeight · 21/09/2007 11:07

When dd started school she kept telling me long stories of how another child had hit her or pushed her over or got her in trouble with the teacher,none of it was true. I think it was all things she was worried about really or imagined might happen. It did stop once she'd settled in though, I think it was just her way of dealing with everything.

She hasnt stopped lying completely though its just that now (she's 6) its 'yes of course I've tidied my room/brushed my teeth/put my toys away mummy' or, her favourite - 'it wasn't me mummy it was ds1'

francagoestohollywood · 21/09/2007 11:49

Peshasofeight, yes I had that with ds as well, I think he did get involved in "fights", but I think he magnified the events. And, he was always the victim .

Yes, I should be sans enfants as well. Looks like we can escape Dinkys...

Fennel · 21/09/2007 18:39

Hurrah at escaping Dinky's. What about cafe 36 on Cowick St, that's convenient for Greeny. Or the quays or Piazza Terracina for a bit of autumnal sunshine?

francagoestohollywood · 21/09/2007 18:48

former roger's cafe? though the cakes are better in cowick street.

Fennel · 21/09/2007 19:31

Where is former roger's cafe?

francagoestohollywood · 21/09/2007 19:41

ups I forgot you are a newbie...
It's in Piazza Terracina, it used to be Roger's cafe, which served fantastic scones, cakes and chicken liver pate. It's not what it used to be but better than Bar Venezia, imo.

francagoestohollywood · 21/09/2007 19:45

gosh, "former roger's cafe" is just a weird grammatical concoction isn't it?

Greensleeves · 21/09/2007 22:24

Tuesday fine by me, I am free between 9.30 and 11.45 child-free [blinking incomprehension], and then 11.45 - 3.20 with one toddler. All suggested venues amenable to me (and huzzah!!! to putting the kybosh on Dinkys)

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 21/09/2007 22:25

I love the way this angst-ridden thread title has yielded yet another Exeter meet-up thread

OP posts:
francagoestohollywood · 21/09/2007 23:58

I'd say 9.30sh cowick street.

Fennel · 22/09/2007 10:14

Indeed, why angst when you can coffee?

pageturner · 23/09/2007 23:07

Can do 9.30 @ Cowick Street. Can you enlighten me wher Cafe 36 is though?! Looking forward to seeing you all!

(Really? No children? At all?!)

Greensleeves · 23/09/2007 23:10

are you nocturnal?

cafe 36 is the newish one with lots of arty hippy stuff on the walls, it is opposite hospiscare, by the traffic lights, down towards the precinct end of Cowick street.

Yes, absolutely NO children ! Although I have rather idiotically taken to spending whole mornings helping out at the nursery.

How is ds2 settling in?

OP posts:
Fennel · 24/09/2007 10:00

Cafe 36 is at No 36 Cowick St. Unimaginatively named but a good cafe.

I could bring dd3, if children are required. Then I could spend my time going to and from the loo with her, she loves the loo in that cafe as it's outdoors and down a passage. Hmm, or shall I just leave her with DP?