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Confused and a bit worried, can anyone advise? This is a bit of an essay, sorry

78 replies

Greensleeves · 20/09/2007 13:08

DH picked ds1 up from school today (he's doing half days for the rest of this week, just started in Reception). When they got home dh looked ashen and ds1 avoided my gaze. DH said "There's good news and bad news about school today" and told ds1 to tell me the bad news first. ds1 refused to tell me, dh insisted, etc, until I sid "Just tell me fgs!!".

So dh told me that ds1 had told him on the way home that he had been on the computer on a 5min timer, and after the 5 mins were up he was supposed to let the next child on. He said he refused to get off the computer, then lost his temper and shut the other child's fingers in the door on purpose. A teacher had to run for some ice because the other child's fingers were cut and bruised. DS1 was then put out in the corridor, where he proceeded to bang on the classroom door.

The good news apparently was that he counted to 140 and got a gem (big bloody deal )

DH said the teacher hadn't mentioned anything, but that there were hoardes of kids everywhere at pick-up and she couldn't easily have got to him.

So I questioned ds1, told him that if playing on the computer was going to have this effect on him then I would have to stop him from using the one at home and talk to his teacher about restricting his access to the school one (thread a couple of days ago about his new obsession with Wikipedia and google).

He then informed us that he ahd made the whole thing up and that none of it really happened. DH and I were totally nonplussed, so I phoned his teacher (most embarassing, he's only been there just over a week) and told her the story ds1 had given us. She said absolutely none of it happened, no fingers shut in the door, no shutting out in the corridor - that in fact ds1 had chosen not to go on the computer and had done a lovely tracing insted. Also that he had then tried to go on the computer during tidy-up time, but that the computer he chose was frozen and wouldn't work (which we agreed served him right). She also said that if anything on this scale HAD happened she would obviously have told us, which made me feel about two inches tall, but ds1 was very convincing and it was a very detailed fabrication!!

Does anyone have experience of this sort of fibbing, or any idea WHY he would want to get himself into trouble like this? I have had a gentle chat with him about it (starting with congratulations about the gem) but he just clammed up, wouldn't look at me (nothing new there) and muttered that he "wanted to see what would happen". He said the same thing at nursery when he turned on all the taps and flooded the toilets, and when he kicked all the heads off the new spring daffodils

Aaaaaarrrghhh!!!

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Fennel · 20/09/2007 20:54

It wasn't one of my children (they were there), they haven't heard of Mumsnet. And they aren't particularly computer literate, we don't let them on. They have to put up with Wholesome Outdoory Fun instead.

Fennel · 20/09/2007 20:55

Doesn't AskJeeves do that? answer all your questions?

Greensleeves · 20/09/2007 20:56

I know, I keep trying to tell him his eyes will turn square, and he will go pale and weak and listless, he should be Running About and Climbing Trees, but he just gives me withering looks and says "yes, but when can I go on the computer Mummy?"

Gah.

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Greensleeves · 20/09/2007 20:57

On no account must he be told about AskJeeves. It's so gimmicky and appealing, I would never prise him away!

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francagoestohollywood · 20/09/2007 20:58

Jeves hangover cure.

francagoestohollywood · 20/09/2007 20:59

btw, I think the outdoor is overrated.

Fennel · 20/09/2007 21:00

So, should I waste the rest of the evening online or get offline and watch TV instead?

It beats me how these children get so addicted to square box technology.

(but I have been for a Long Run earlier this evening so am feeling VERY smug)

kindersurprise · 20/09/2007 21:01

lol at this, we can soon have a new website, "just ask Greensleeves's DS1"

I do think you have to find a way of keeping him of MN, although it would be great if he posted here under your name!!

Greensleeves · 20/09/2007 21:02

I dont get this whole "going for a run" thing. I only run if something is chasing me.

Am grappling with the same dilemma here though, should I stay here and chew the fat, or waddle over to the sofa and watch The Restaurant on teleport replay? Life is hard sometimes

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francagoestohollywood · 20/09/2007 21:02

You are mad. What happened to our project of going roller skating?

francagoestohollywood · 20/09/2007 21:03

I bought chocolate at the new posh shop in princesshay. I was thinking of watching telly and eat it.

Greensleeves · 20/09/2007 21:05

I have a fresh batch of home-baked peanut butter cookies still warm in the kitchen, which I MUST NOT EAT

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gess · 20/09/2007 21:06

I'd only set him a limit if he 'goes over'. (DS1 will get obsessed with something, is fine for 10 minsutes then starts screaming and hitting himself- at the moment its looking at photos on the computer so its time limited). Otherwise if its how he likes to relax let him. He's had a stressful day at school and needs to unwind. DS2 quite often spends a lot of time on the computer, although less so recently.

Fennel · 20/09/2007 21:07

I'll go roller skating whenever you like, I just need a bit of emotional bullying to get started. I only went running tonight when cajoled into it by a friend.

DP has roller blades too now, from Sunday's car boot sale. We can go en famille. How Wholesome is that?

Hurlyburly · 20/09/2007 21:10

they say only clever children lie

Heathcliffscathy · 20/09/2007 21:10

oh greensleeves...you are a great mum.

Heathcliffscathy · 20/09/2007 21:11

because you care, you reflect and you are honest with yourself (brutally so iirc).

Greensleeves · 20/09/2007 21:13

Thank you!

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francagoestohollywood · 20/09/2007 21:16

Fennel, that's tempting, but yes, a bit too wholesome. I might be tempted to do something shocking. Like pushing one of the children or bring fruit shoots.

francagoestohollywood · 20/09/2007 21:17

right I'm off to watch the telly and eat my chocolate.
KS, yes, I think from now on I'll wonder whether it's greeny or her ds.

Greensleeves · 20/09/2007 21:26

Do you have to be slim and well-coordinated to go rollerskating?

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Boco · 20/09/2007 22:18

I haven't read all the thread because i'm supposed to be doing something else [grr] but just to say that my dd came home today and started telling me about a disagreement between her and 2 friends, that escalated into a complicated scenario involving crying girl, cross teacher, falling out - i was following it all with interest, when she got to the end and said, 'actually, i made up most of that, from the bit at the table onwards, none of that was true' and walked off

Your ds sounds so imaginative and bright, i know its baffling, but i think they're almost testing out fantasy, seeing what would happen if what they'd like to do actually happened, in a worst case scenario - what will mummy say. My dd was just playing with a scenario to see how it sounded i think. Kind of infuriating and kind of impressive too.

HonoriaGlossop · 20/09/2007 23:01

I've also had this with ds. i think it's a way of them trying to process all that goes on at school, and trying to make sense of their place within it all, and trying to take back some of the control which is utterly gone when you're out of your home environment, you're five, and you're one of 30 kids!

I wouldn't worry about this much at all. Let him tell you his tales, listen quietly; you WOULD be grabbed by the teacher if anything untoward really had happened....you would not believe the violence that my ds has wreaked on many and various people at school (in his bloodthirsty little mind only, thankfully).

pageturner · 21/09/2007 00:32

[Hello Greeny, Fennel & Franca! Found you!]

Greensleeves · 21/09/2007 00:36

pageturner!!!! sorry I didn't respond to your email....total mare chez Greeny, school/nursery starts etc

I was going to ask you whether you ds2 would like to come to ds1's 5th birthday party (pirate theme!)

probably should just email you really

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