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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please Help! How do you deal with SPITTING? (2yr olds)

62 replies

LoveMyGirls · 17/09/2007 11:57

I'm at the end of my tether with this problem and I have no idea how to solve it, so please help if you can?

My mindee has a habit of spitting, he used to spit his food out but he's coming along with that now but I really don't know how to deal with spitting once and for all? My dd2 is now copying him and thinks its funny What is the best technique to use to get them both to stop it?

Today mindee started doing it while i was walking with the pushchair I asked him to stop (he didnt) then dd2 joined in and they both carried on even once they were in the car.

Telling them to stop seems to make it worse but if i ignore it they spray spit absolutly everywhere, plus don't they need to know it is wrong to do this?

Tia

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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milkymill · 18/09/2007 10:39

Thanks Law. Tbh we mostly only get into these 'heated' situations when we're out, i.e last weekend at a bbq, when i had to physically remove her from the trampoline because she wouldn't take turns. Sooo embarassing!!

p.s sorry for the hijack!

law3 · 18/09/2007 10:54

milky - when you out in public do you still use time out for spitting at you?

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 18/09/2007 12:39

Milky its not hi-jacking, im interested to hear other peoples views and problems as it helps me see it's not jsut me they do it for!

Dd2 has just spat during dinner so i tapped her hand and took her dinner away, i also shouted

Mindee didn't spit and has eaten enough of his dinner to get pudding, so that's good at least he didnt start joining in - mind you after seeing her punishment it would have been a pretty silly idea to join in.

He tends to do it when he's bored so i try to give him things to do when hes strapped in but doesnt always help as he likes to throw things too.

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milkymill · 18/09/2007 13:21

No not really tbh law. I was so mortified that i give her a stern "No, do not do that" and quickly try to divert attention to other things. It doesn't happen all that often thankfully.

law3 · 18/09/2007 13:31

milky - i know its really embarassing when they play up in public, everyone staring, making judgements on your parenting skills and your awful kid!!!

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 18/09/2007 21:56

Feeling down about it all today.

Mindee spat across the kitchen before 8am so i put him in time out.

My dd2 spat at lunch time so i smacked her, took her dinner away and put her straight to bed. Dd2 spat carrot out at dinner so dp told her off and took her plate away.

Mindee spat beef and carrots out at dinner time so I took his plate away and put him in time out. (yesterday he spat banana out) I really really thought we were over the food spitting stage.

I've been looking after him since April and I don't feel I am getting very far, its 2 steps forwards 1 step back and now my dd2 is copying and joining in. Im really disappointed, i feel as though I have failed him and my dd2. I should be able to deal with this. I'm thinking of signing up for a challenging behaviour course if I can.

I'm going to have a word with his mum again but i'm unsure what to say really, any ideas?

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law3 · 18/09/2007 22:51

LGM - how about if you cant stop the spitting, you tell them they can spit down the toilet or into a napkin or something.

starshaker · 19/09/2007 07:37

ive had an idean and so far its working with dd. when she spits i say ah u want to brush ur teeth. then i take her through to the bathroom and she can brush and spit in the sink as much as she likes

law3 · 19/09/2007 07:47

SS - Thats a good idea, if you can beat em, join em kinda thing!!!

LMG - How about given them a napkin or tissue when they eat and if they want to spit they spit in that. When they do it dont show any signs that its annoying you.

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 19/09/2007 08:19

Ok ill try it today but they always do it when im not expecting it so had not to show im shocked and appalled by it but i will try really hard.

So far they are both being extrememly good today to the point where they have both scrapped the last dregs of their breakfast into the bin without me asking (not that i do ask them to do that as they are little they have obviously watched me doing it!!) I prefer them to do that that throw it on the floor or tip it on the table as mindee used to do.

We'll see how we get on. Cant really do the tooth brushing one as i dont have a tooth brush for mindee and also he tends to do it more when we are out and about/ in the car/ pushchair. Dd2 seems to do it out of temper.

OP posts:

law3 · 19/09/2007 09:39

LMG - how about you explain the rules to them, if you have to spit, you spit down the toilet, in the sink, in the bin or where ever. Then if they do spit, you can remind them, spit in the sink.

It might be that mindee doesnt get enough attention at home, so is enjoying all the attention you give when he spits.

Same as at the dinner table, what better way to cause a big fuss than spitting food across the table, all eyes on him. I would explain before you eat, if you spit food out across the table, you will have to take time out.

Good luck

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 19/09/2007 11:43

I was getting them in car to do school run and he spat in my dd1's face - how can i ignore that? he was already strapped into the chair so couldnt do time out as i was on my way to take dd1 or i would have been late. I've had enough. He has also hit my 3 times at toddler group because i refused to give him cake or biscuts as i kno he then won't eat lunch i put him in time out for hitting me.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 19/09/2007 11:44

As for expolaining the rules, I have done time and time and time again, he just looks at me with a blank expression.

OP posts:

law3 · 19/09/2007 11:55

LMG - OMG he spat in her face thats not on, how old is he 2?

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 19/09/2007 12:02

He turned 2 at the end of May, I have been consistant constantly. I feel like a total failure. Now my dd2 is joining in. Im at my wits end.

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Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 19/09/2007 12:04

I give him lots of praise and encouragement when he is good - because i didnt give in this morning with the snacks he has jsut eaten (half) a ham sandwich and been rewarded with praise and a yogurt so that is good. My dd2 who never had problems with food (other than perhaps going the other way and eating and eating) has just refused her sandwich and gone to bed without.

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MaureenMLove · 19/09/2007 12:13

Have you spoken to the parents about it?

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 19/09/2007 12:24

MML - i've spoken to both of them so many times, i've asked for another meeting to discuss his behaviour so that we can all work together to improve is behaviour twice this week i have asked her to come and see me. I have asked her to contact her HV which she did but I'm now not sure if I should ask if she can ak for a home visit so the HV can see his behaviour. He can be so sweet and loving esp with babies at toddler groups. He's back in a good routine now (he's in bed now) so it is helping but I really want to sort out the spitting and food then I can work on pushing etc - at the end of he day kds will always push and sove etc esp at that agebecause their speech isn't strong enough for them to get what they wnt so i understand that and though he gets punished for pushing i can understand it. I don't understand the spitting or not eating, i'm trying to be patient and hope he will eventually catch on.

He spends over 50hours a week wih me, i really thought when he became ft I would be able to move forwards and though there have been times he moves forward he seems to have taken a big jump back this week.

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Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 19/09/2007 12:31

I can't stand to see my dd2 copying the behaviour though, she is very clever and she knows the things she is copying are naughty because when he does them she says xxx is being naughty. (she is 2 at the end of the month) With her I know she is being disobediant with him I'm not sure he really understands that is it naughty tbh. But if he can pick up bad behaviour surely he can pick up good behaviour if i praise him enough when he's being good???

If i knew he was definately going to improve i would want to keep going with him because when he finally behaves I will know that it was worth all the effort. Seeing him go backwards and forwards and dragging dd2s behaviour down I'm just feeling a bit like it's hopeless.

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MaureenMLove · 19/09/2007 12:33

I really don't know what to say. I've never had a persistant spitter, so its competely out of my depth. I really hope you can get it sorted soon though. Sorry.

KaySamuels · 19/09/2007 12:33

So sorry you are having such a hard time lmg sounds like a nightmare situation to be in! You are childminding for your dds and if having this mindee is not benficial to them maybe you need to have a think about whether to carry on minding him. It would really piss me off irritate me that my previously well behaved child was now copying this behaviour. And your poor eldest being spat at!

I seem to say this quite often on here, but you have to put yourself and your girls first. Please don't fel you are failing here - it sounds like you are doing your very best and I really feel for you. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 19/09/2007 12:36

I cannot afford to let him go at the moment. He is my only ft'er if he leaves me pay will be down to £200 a month and i cant afford to go into more debt again we have only just extended our bank loan. I cant get another job because I am comitted to another mindee who does 3hrs a day and i have my own children to consider.

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law3 · 19/09/2007 12:51

LMG - must be very frustating. I thought he was 4 for some reason!!!

He is only 2 and doesnt understand the concept of it being disguisting or other peoples feelings. He does what he does to get a reaction. Its a bit like they do something that makes you laugh, so they keep doing it, to make you laugh again.

I know its really hard to ignore, you have tried punishing etc and its not working, so why not give it go.

Deal with it in a very matter of fact way, no shouting, no anger, no telling off, no time out, no reaction at all. So when he spits or hits, just telling him 'no' sternly and move him away, dont say another word. If he spits/hits your DD, tell him no and move him away, go back to your DD and make a fuss of her, are you ok, that wasnt a very nice thing to do etc. Take the attention away from him.

Dinner table spitting out food, same thing, but move his food away. Leave it a few minutes then give it back and say eat nicely. If he carrys on and on. Take it away for good.

Tell his mum how you are dealing with it and ask her to do the same.

Worth a go!!!

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 19/09/2007 12:56

Law this has been going on for months, I have tried ignoring and I do take his plate away if he is messing about with food or spitting, recently he was doing much better and was even trying new foods and had almost stopped spitting altogether and hadn't spat food out for ages.

I really hope he improves again soon. Thanks for the supportive messgaes. It's playing on my mind and I have headaches with worrying over what to do for the best. I think the next step is to get mum to come and talk to me asap.

OP posts:

law3 · 19/09/2007 13:19

LMG - Sorry i cant help, i dont know what to suggest next.

Good luck with your chat.

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