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Original poster

advice needed 2.4yr dd becoming obsessed with cleanliness

29 replies

northstar · 03/09/2007 11:58

I would really appreciate some advice on how to deal with dd and her need to clean everything. She is using wipes from the drawer all the time, and had 4 episodes yesterday when she had to take all her clothes off and change because they had a mark or a drop of water on them.
I tried to reason with her but she just gets hysterical.
She spent a full half hour in the car tax office just cleaning the seats and wouldn't sit down on them.
We are quite laid back at home, and have a healthy attitude to "clean" dirt iyswim?
Tia

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mamazon · 03/09/2007 11:59

send her to my house

Original poster
northstar · 03/09/2007 12:03

Can you wash and dry pj's plus 5 sets of clothes per child per day?

OP posts:
mamazon · 03/09/2007 12:07

lol sorry that was a very flippant answer.

my DD is almsot 3 and is quite similar though not as extreme. she whinges if she gets a mark on her clothes or a drop of juice and yet at other times she is happy to look like she has been dragged through a hedge backwards.

i think i would encourage it so much that she hated the idea of cleaning.
when she starts washing things say "ooh your very good at that, can you wash this cupboard as well"

hopefully it is just a phase that she will grow out of soon enough. if it persists i would consult your HV

fortyplus · 03/09/2007 12:08

When ds2 was 4 he wouldn't do finger painting because it was 'too messy'. His teacher asked if we were 'particularly houseproud' as this wasn't the first time he'd refused to indulge in messy play.

He's now 12 and a grubby, smelly, rugby-playing oik!

I think it's a phase that a lot of children go through - wanting to control and order their lives. I really wouldn't worry - you will make things worse by turning it into such an issue that she becomes 'hysterical'.

You can always mention it to your HV at her 3 year check if it persists.

terramum · 03/09/2007 12:10

DS (37 months) was like this for ages...then it just gradually stopped & now he will quite happily wipe his hands on his t-shirt, trousers, the sofa...

Original poster
northstar · 03/09/2007 12:10

Mamazon she has also developed a very bad stammer this week, I am so worried about her

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fortyplus · 03/09/2007 12:11

She's 2.4 and her brain works faster than her mouth - don't worry - stammering isn't unusual at this age, either

Original poster
northstar · 03/09/2007 12:12

I am actually sitting here crying. Sorry.

OP posts:
fortyplus · 03/09/2007 12:13

She's worried about you...

Original poster
northstar · 03/09/2007 12:14

Noooo, she's in play school she won't be thinking about me for another half hour I hope.

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fortyplus · 03/09/2007 12:14

Go out to the park?

Just have fun. Pond dipping maybe?

Don't wind her up - if you're out then she can't change her clothes, can she?

Your 'worried' vibes will be bad news for her if you're not careful.

fortyplus · 03/09/2007 12:16

XP - sorry... You need to change the way you're reacting to this. My ds1 is a worrier because I was such a paranoid mother - ds2 is far more laid back

Original poster
northstar · 03/09/2007 12:17

Thanks, I do that it's just so quiet here this morning that all my thoughts and worries are buzzing around in my head. I'm going to buy some sylvanian family stuff and let her organise them instead. Maybe that will help?

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Original poster
northstar · 03/09/2007 12:20

I have a ds 5 who is totally laid back and very easy going, dd is so completely different I am thrown. She is making me doubt everything I thought I knew.

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mamazon · 03/09/2007 12:20

you are clearly really concerned abuot all this so you should talk it over with your HV, even if it is justto put your mind at ease.

i am sure its nothing to worry about buit sometimes its these little things that cause us the most concern.

have a chat with your HV and see if she thinks there is anything to worry about. she may be able to reffer you to a SALT about the stammer, but as Forty says- i dont think its unusual at this age.

fortyplus · 03/09/2007 12:22

Yes - will make you feel better to have a chat about it if you're feeling so concerned

TheMuppetMuggle · 03/09/2007 12:22

My DD is the same, she hates being dirty, the slightest thing she goes crazy, she has Kandoo wipes her own special ones so if she feels the needs to clean her hands face etc she can do so!

We just say she has OCD for cleanliness

TheMuppetMuggle · 03/09/2007 12:23

Although Partly i think my DD gets it from me as i have a very tidy house, and DD knows to clear up after herself!

Original poster
northstar · 03/09/2007 12:25

dd went crazy yesterday because there was a tiny piece of black thread on her sleeve, and literally pulled her top off backwards. 15 minutes later she's there again because a drop of water dribbled onto her collar from a drink of water. Is it a girl thing?

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TheMuppetMuggle · 03/09/2007 12:28

NS - must be a girl thing, DD is the same, detests her clothes being dirty,shoes,hands,face. You can always here her go Wet Wipe plz, thats why i brought her her own special Kandoo box (refillable)
And they do come in handy now we are potty training!
Again i think is partly to do with me as like a clean & tidy house, am very funny when it comes to that! I get it from my mum, and she gets it from her mum (Family thing i think)

TheMuppetMuggle · 03/09/2007 12:28

And DD is a very tidy and clean eater, never makes a mess compared to other children her age and TBH has been like it from Day 1 of weaning

Original poster
northstar · 03/09/2007 12:35

Dd trained herself before she was 2 by announcing "no more nappies they yucky I'll use toilet now" and refused point blank to wear a nappy or pull up. Part of the same problem I think but very helpful at the same time.
If she did have a little accident she got hysterical though.

OP posts:
TheMuppetMuggle · 03/09/2007 12:40

DD started like that about 2 weeks ago, and crys everytime has an accident bless her.

In Some ways is nice to have a toddler who is obsessed with being clean, as i don't have to worry to much. And she cleans with me in our daily routine. (is prob where she gets it from)

And always clears up after herself, which i am proud of her for doing.

Countingthegreyhairs · 03/09/2007 12:49

Try not to worry Northstar (easier said than done I know).

My 4 yr old dd went through this when she was 2.5 and has on and off periods even now.

My sister teaches child development and I seem to remember her saying something about all children going through a stage like this to a greater or lesser degree (perhaps someone on here will have more info about this.)

It's associated with "linear play" - if I am remembering correctly (I may not be!) where they line up cars and teddies in regimented rows. All toddlers & infants have OCD to some extent. I think it is also meant to be about gaining a degree of control or predictability in their lives which is reassuring (saying "goodnight" three times or having the same bath ritual for example). Again, there are probably others with more expertise who can comment but I gather that these behaviours are not seen as unusual until the age of about 7 or 8.

I'd have taken my dd to see someone if it had persisted for over a year - but it hasn't - and I found distraction to work well ... most of the time anyway ...

Good luck!

mistypeaks · 03/09/2007 12:51

Mine went thru a faze of it. Wouldn't play in the sandpit, with playdough, obsessed with wipes and helping me to clean. She still likes to clean stuff and has to wash her hands when they are dirty, but she's at least happy to get them dirty now. Her baby sister on the other hand . . . . She looks like a street urchin most of the time and will not be cleaned!!! (except in the bath - loves it).