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Worried about dd1

46 replies

Radley · 28/08/2007 14:32

DD1 has taken after dh and I, having a massive appetite, but, she is getting to the point where I am concerned.

To put a finer point on it, I think she is just plain greedy.

For instance, I have JUST done a picnic for he, dd2 and dd2's friend, as soon as I put it down she put a whole sandwich in her mouth, before filling her hands with everything else, whilst her mouth was fit to bust she was say 'wonder what i'm having for tea'.

Yesterday morning I was busy upstairs and came down to find that she had eat 4 milky bar yogurts, i then found a bag of maltesers (family bag) that she has hidden in her bedroom.

It's the same every day, when she opens her eyes she is wanting food, then 10 minutes after she finishes, she is wanting more, she does this constantly and I'm at the end of my tether with her. I encourage her to have fruit etc if she says she is 'hungry' and she does but complains she wants something else before she has even finished.

One of the biggest eyeopeners was the other week when she had a bacon sandwich (cooked on foreman) for breakfast at her aunties, had a full sunday dinner with her and then came home and lied saying she'd not had anything to eat and had ANOTHER sunday dinner and complained before she went to bed that she was hungry.

DH says nothing is wrong, she's just got healthy appetite, but, I don't, gut instinct says something isn't right.

I've also stood firm and said that once the sweets etc have gone out of the fridge etc NO MORE, she can have treats once in a while etc, but dh is arguing that it isn't fair on dd2 who eats like a sparrow.

She is that bad, I've considered get a lock put on the fridge.

Any comments advice, would be appreciated.

Also to boot, she has a terrible attitude and mouth and is constantly screaming and shouting at dh and I and picking on her sister, I've started her on eyeq to see if that helps.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
claricebeansmum · 28/08/2007 17:28

Reading through quickly - I think that it is time to get rid of the treats - if they are in the house they are a temptation and although we all love that sugar rush it really does nobody any favours.

EscapeFrom · 28/08/2007 17:38

It sounds like she is comfort eating - sorry if it makes you feel bad for me to say it. When you say her daddy shouts and swears at her, and that she is asking for more food halfway though eating something ... she is eating to make herself feel better and asking for more because it isn't working - she doesn't feel better. Misery is quite easily confused with hunger, and both make you feel bad.

I'd give her some one to one special attention if I were you.

It's only my opinion though. I could well be very wrong.

ruddynorah · 28/08/2007 17:53

so on the day she was at her aunties she had bacon butty for breakfast, then sunday dinner at lunchtime, then sunday dinner in the evening? that really isn't loads. or did she have breakfast, lunch then two sunday dinners? what does she eat on a normal day?

ahundredtimes · 28/08/2007 18:21

I can't help feeling that you need to cut down on the sugary foods, and that three big full meals is not too much for an active 8 y-o. My ds1 went through a big growth surge at that age and ate a huge amount, and was hungry by bedtime. I used to give him milk and nuts then, to see him through the night!

Nuts are great for them to snack on I think - unsalted ones.

I'm agreeing with the poster about perhaps she's a bit miserable and she's getting lots of attention from being 'hungry', even if it is negative attention.

Maybe time to break the vicious circle, take some time with her, do something jolly, show her you like her again? And ditch the sugar.

Will this help do you think?

Radley · 28/08/2007 18:26

I'm taking from the main comments, that a few things need to be addressed

  1. Her dad swearing when he loses his temper, (he doesn't swear at her per se, just chunters alot at the top of his voice and says ' she drives me to it ', she drives me to it but I bite my lip.

  2. Cut down on the sugar (dh WILL NOT be happy if I stop getting certain things he likes)

  3. Spend quality time together, which I am dreading as I feel that we have NOTHING in common

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ahundredtimes · 28/08/2007 18:31

Oh Radley, well done.

A good list.

No 3 is the most worrying isn't it? And perhaps the most important. Perhaps there's something easy and not too stressful you could do together. A pizza and the cinema? Or go for a swim together and do something after?

Radley · 28/08/2007 18:36

Actually, a hundred times, you are a spot on on two things, YES it is going to be the hardest, especially as I don;t really like the little person she has become and I now feel we have nothing in common AND I was going to try and get someone to look after dd2 on thursday so that I can take dd1 to the pictures to see hairspray.

I will struggle with us time in another way, dh says that he cant cope with dd2 (5) as she cries for me, but, he won't do anything 1 to 1 with her, he sits and watches tele or plays on the ds and leaves her to he own devices.

God my life is shit!

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ruddynorah · 28/08/2007 18:39

may i be as bold as to say it may not be that your life is shit so much as your dh is a bit of a shit?! from what you've said you're worried about his behaviour as much as your dd's. will you deal with him too? he is affecting the little person your dd is becoming as much as anyone.

maman4 · 28/08/2007 18:40

what about d2?

ellitalialea · 28/08/2007 18:40

my 6 year old eats loads too. i worry too. i've now gone onto a sweetie day on a saturday when she can have some crisps, sweets etc. it's so much easier to say no when the child knows that the end of the week is coming...
even the little one knows now that sweetie day is the only day when sweets and crisps are allowed. she's 3.
i was rewarding with treats and have now changed over to cuddles/stories/time.
it's all healthy at home now for us all apart from on saturdays.
make any sense?

ellitalialea · 28/08/2007 18:42

my 6 year old is also really bitchy so i can get quite bitchy back. i know how horrible that is!!

Radley · 28/08/2007 18:43

Ruddy, you've said what people on MN and friends in RL have said numerous times.

Maman4, what do you mean about dd2?

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pagwatch · 28/08/2007 18:46

Just a question - how does she sleep? That could be an indicator of whether she has too much sugar.
My son has special needs and food intolerances and also craves sugar. As he finds language etc hard it is incredibly difficult for him to understand why he can't just eat crap all day. So I have to make sure that I am really structured and very clear about the rules without being angry. Sometimes when we are saying no to a treat / sweet that makes us feel guilty so we actually become quite angry about it.
With my DS I just give him three meals ( as best I can with his food issues) and then allow a couple of snacks. I also try to go for stuff that has an imput from him so making real popcorn is a good one. I also make cakes with him which actually stops him just wolfing them - he values them more.( And while we are taking the hour to make them he isn't eating anything else ) He likes cereal unfortunately so I am sneaky and buy the crisped rice at the health food shop and put it in the rice crispies box so he doesn't get the sugar.
The trade off for your DH has to be explained to him. If he is going to complain that he doesn't have his favorite things in then frankly he is not really behaving much better than a child himself and if he makes the conection that if she eats less sugar she may become calmer he may help you more than you anticipate.
Here, with my DS, I can see really easily the sugar hit him and I know that he will become more volatile and will sleep less well - which also makes him more volatile.

Blimey - sorry about the lecture !!
I have just seen what a difference it can make when you cut back. FWIW I would wait until you have cut the sugar back before you up the alone time - if she does crave it badly you could have a couple of 'challenging' days .

Blandmum · 28/08/2007 18:50

Worms don't make you feel hungry, they give you an itchy arse.

Radley · 28/08/2007 18:50

She sleeps appallingly. She has ALWAYS had a set bedtime, but as she has got older, she has got worse.

She'll go to bed at 8 and still be awake when dh and I go to bed about 10.30. She is CONSTANTLY getting up to go to the bathroom, even though I know she doesn't need to go and if DH, myself or if we have friends round, go to use the loo, she is straight out of bed to have a chat etc, it seems like she trys to keep herself awake.

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Radley · 28/08/2007 18:50

LOL martianbishop, thanks for that.

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Blandmum · 28/08/2007 18:52

, then my work here is done!

Is she eating because she is bored? I do this, a lot!

ahundredtimes · 28/08/2007 18:53

Ruddy has a good point I think.

Also you know what, it doesn't have to be a Big Performance moment of you two together. It can just be putting your arm around her when you watch telly or putting the 5 y-o to bed and saying to dd 'look what I got, let's go to your room and paint our nails'! Or whatever! Do you see what I mean?

Also she hasn't actually become a person yet, she's in the process of growing-up and becoming a person. Your intervention is really important Radnor.

Sorry, sounds blardy preachy. It's just I realized that about 8, ds1 didn't touch or hug me anymore and I criticized him all the time. It wasn't great, and I had to make an effort to remember to hug him and talk to him. Hope this makes sense .

maman4 · 28/08/2007 18:58

don t forget d2.she doesn t seem to be troubling you but don t focus entirely on d1;D2 should get somereward/attetion too for being a wish it was easy but it s notspeak .Try and juggle this,eh?

maman4 · 28/08/2007 19:01

god,what was that?sorry,will rewind brain and get back to you

Radley · 28/08/2007 19:01

dd2 is no bother whatsover, we have time together on a monday tea time when dd1 is at ballet.

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