Worried about dd1

[Radley]

DD1 has taken after dh and I, having a massive appetite, but, she is getting to the point where I am concerned.

To put a finer point on it, I think she is just plain greedy.

For instance, I have JUST done a picnic for he, dd2 and dd2's friend, as soon as I put it down she put a whole sandwich in her mouth, before filling her hands with everything else, whilst her mouth was fit to bust she was say 'wonder what i'm having for tea'.

Yesterday morning I was busy upstairs and came down to find that she had eat 4 milky bar yogurts, i then found a bag of maltesers (family bag) that she has hidden in her bedroom.

It's the same every day, when she opens her eyes she is wanting food, then 10 minutes after she finishes, she is wanting more, she does this constantly and I'm at the end of my tether with her. I encourage her to have fruit etc if she says she is 'hungry' and she does but complains she wants something else before she has even finished.

One of the biggest eyeopeners was the other week when she had a bacon sandwich (cooked on foreman) for breakfast at her aunties, had a full sunday dinner with her and then came home and lied saying she'd not had anything to eat and had ANOTHER sunday dinner and complained before she went to bed that she was hungry.

DH says nothing is wrong, she's just got healthy appetite, but, I don't, gut instinct says something isn't right.

I've also stood firm and said that once the sweets etc have gone out of the fridge etc NO MORE, she can have treats once in a while etc, but dh is arguing that it isn't fair on dd2 who eats like a sparrow.

She is that bad, I've considered get a lock put on the fridge.

Any comments advice, would be appreciated.

Also to boot, she has a terrible attitude and mouth and is constantly screaming and shouting at dh and I and picking on her sister, I've started her on eyeq to see if that helps.

could she have worms?

Never thought of that, would they make her ill/have some other symptoms?

is she overweight?
could her behaviour be down in part to the sugar in her diet?
Not sure what to suggest other than if she is overweight maybe to ask the gp to referyou to a nutritionalist

also how old is she?

She as a tummy on her, but, she is very very tall and is active, she is always on her bike and goes dancing twice a week.

She is 8yrs

could you try offering her more substanital and low GI food instead? So oatcakes, cheese etc rather than fruit. Sounds like it is perhaps not the size of her apettite that is the problem but that she is having too much high sugar food that could create its own hunger.

go to your GP

If she's very tall, with a tummy but not overweight, perhaps it's not a problem? If this was me I'd monitor her weight and consider going to the GP if she starts to get chubby.

I agree with making sure she's having the most filling stuff that you can; porridge for breakfast, etc.

She doesn't actually sound too happy tbh, you mention constantly screaming and shouting and picking on her sister; if you are sure that she's not just copying conflict that she sees happening around her (can't think of polite way to say it, sorry, but kids do speak in the way they are spoken to, largely, unless in the middle of an irrational tantrum situation) then maybe it is worth a trip to the dr? Could she be eating as a way of getting comfort/attention?

If your gut instinct is that it's not right, I'd go with that though.

How much does she drink? The signals for thirst & hunger are very similar...although if she isn't overweight & is very active she may just be needing a lot of calories. My 3 year old frightens me by the amounts he eats...but he doesn't stop moving...he even eats his meals jumping up & down

just thought that she might have got into a habit of being "fatifer" rather than the "thinifer" in the family so you could try and give her loads of attention for other stuff she does and ignore what she eats

Honoriaglossop, alot of what you;re saying does ring home, I must admit I do shout at her alot, some days are alot worse that others and I end up going to bed crying., but that is because of the way she is with us, so it's a vicious circle. Sometimes she drives me to such distraction that I have to shout at her and send her to her room otherwise I would smack her and I don't want to go down that route.

I have tried giving her porridge, (it's one of my faves) but she will not entertain it, at is not sweet enough for her, though she does like cheese, I'll try some oatcakes, she likes snack a jacks, would they be ok do you think?

I think you're so right, it does become a vicious circle.

Basically, hard though it is, when you're parenting you just can't give it out unless you want it back in your face How helpful is your DH? Could you both follow the same approach of now stopping short of shouting at her? If she is driving you up the wall, you don't have to shout but can still make your point (sometimes the lowered voice works better than the raised voice, which just gets in the way of what you're trying to say).

And make sure that what you're expecting of her is realistic, I'm amazed at the amount of people who expect their kids to do as they're told immediately, jump to it kind of thing; I just never expected that so have not been driven mad when ds doesn't seem to 'hear' me - I try to find other ways of asking, more positive iykwim....instead of saying "Put the toys away" I'll try making him race the clock, or saying "We're going to the park ds!! Come on, just chuck those toys in there.....what shoes will you wear?" blah blah.....

apologies, I know you're doubtless a more experienced mum than me but IME we can ALL benefit from re-assessing our expectations of our kids now and again.

All kids want attention, too so that could be a big issue. Does she get much 'fun' relaxed time with you - I know life is busy etc - but does it ever happen atm?

oh and my mum had a good trick with porridge, she got golden syrup and drizzled some of that to sweeten the porridge, I still do this I know, i know, it's too much sugar BUT at least as a kid I wolfed down the porridge! Try it, it's yummy.

I'll try and see if I can find any sites that recommend good filling stuff for kids to eat.

I can recommend a book called "Yummy" by Jane Clark (a nutritionist), it's brilliant at showing what kids should be eating in what proportions.

Don't apologise, I'm very pleased to get responses.

No we don't get quality relaxed time, becuase, as wrong as it is, when she has played me up all day, answered me back, won't do as she is told etc, all I want to do is get her to bed and out of my way. Sometimes she has wound me up so much I cannot bear to be in the same room as her.

DH unfortunately has a worse temper than me and he seems to shout alot more, sometimes swearing, which I always have a go at him for, his retort? She would make a saint swear.

Thanks, I'll look for that book,

we ALL need to make some lifestyle changes in this house, alas, it will only be the dd's and I as dh is stuck in his ways and will only change if it suits him.

unfortunately then I think it's down to you, as the adult, to be the one who breaks the cycle. She's only a child, she doesn't know how to do it unless you show her.

I do SO know what you mean though, it's so hard to feel positive about a child when you don't like them much because of how they've behaved!

But my personal view is that unless there is a diagnosable issue, then with different approaches the child will change and become more likeable, because they FEEL more liked. Maybe you'll have to act as if you like her, for a while! But I bet if you do, it'll bring about changes.

Oh PLEASE don't give her snackajacks, they're high in sugar and the puffed rice isn't great from a GI perspective, either.

I would tentatively agree with the 'high sugar' theory but reading your post, it does seem like she's eating a lot anyway (2 roast dinners in 1 day) and I wonder if she's lost control of her saiety (sp?) reflex along the way? It's all too easy for a child to lose the ability to know when they're full, esp. if in the past they've been encouraged to eat beyond when they're hungry (ie clear your plate!). In which case you may need to re-educate her eating habits so that she recognises when she's full.

What's a normal day's diet for her? Perhaps try cutting out/down on white bread, sugar and potatoes and giving her more wholegrains, green veg and protein/fat to fill her up? (I know it's easier said than done with a fussy child!)

Egg and bacon or an omelette with cheese/ham/whatever as a breakfast (no toast!) is a great start to the day and does the job in keeping you full til lunchtime - a child of 8 shouldn't be eating low-fat food, they still need fats for energy at that stage (and low-fat food is often stuffed full of sugar!) - I know when I give dd (2.6) scrambled egg for breakfast, I get no complaints til lunchtime, whereas if she has toast and a less-refined cereal, come 10am she's whingeing for a snack.

Good luck.

What you're saying is undoubtably right, i just find it so hard and draining.

She is pestering at the minute to play on the street, I said no, she asked me again about 4 times, I said no (didn't raise my voice) turned my back to come in and she threw a stone at me.

Sorry, loads of cross-posting while I was doing that essay! Ignore me

Thanks lovecat, I haven't got any snack a jacks, it was just a thought.

The scrambled eggs, bacon and eggs etc for breakfast sounds a good idea, as she loves eggs etc.

I know myself that if I have cereal/toast for breakfast, i'm hungry by mid morning.

No apologies needed Lovecat

did you explain why the answer was no?

Did you offer an alternative - as in, I don't like you playing on the street but how about you.....(insert name of something she likes doing in the house!)

I'm really hoping I'm not coming across all perky princess here I am NOT saying I have all the answers, just that there is usually a more positive approach that can be taken than just 'No'.

Is a myth that worms make you hungry. Only the severest cases of worms would have this sort of effect.

Thanks new life.

I didn't explain, because I had told her previously in the day why the answer was no,

And no, you are not coming across all perky princess, I've alot on my mind at present and sometimes the blatant obvious escapes my shed head

What you have said has helped enormously, just that sometimes I feel I'm fighting a losing battle.