I really do love my daughter, so why don't I like her?

[IReallyDoLoveHer]

I would die for my dd. But I always feel like I want to be apart from her.

She is 5 and is very hard work. She answers back regardless of what it is I am asking/telling her to do.

She seems angry and aggressive all the time. It's as if she knows I don't really like her Believe me, I want to slap myself for feeling like this, and no-one can hate me more than I do myself right now.

I can try and give you a few examples but they will just sound stupid. She will come into my room in the morning and lay there looking at me, breathing in my face, whispering "mum mum mum mum" this drives me mental.. I have tried telling her time and again to stay in her own room. She is almost 6 and at school, so I see no reason why she shouldn't learn to entertain herself for 15/20 minutes until I am up.

Also when I am trying to do other stuff, eg: I was loading the washing machine yesterday morning and she was sat at the breakfast table saying "I'm starving.. are you ever going to get my breakfast out?" It's her attitude. It kills me.

This morning she asked me to tie her lace, so I bent over to tie it and she looked at me and said "You're a weirdo". For nothing. I don't even know where she hears it at.

I know I seem petty, and I would hate anything to happen to her, I love her, but I don't like her. She's not a nice child. She had a tantrum the other day and I told her she was making it very difficult for me to be nice to her, she said fine and packed a small suitcase on wheels and walked out of the house She seems very young to know to threaten to leave home.

Dh and I are in a very close and loving relationship, she sees nothing volatile at home.

When she is whining at me I usually say "I'm not discussing this now"

I know it is the result of my parenting that is making her do this That's the worst feeling in the world. I have made her like this.

She also told my sister that I don't laugh and joke with her. Thing is, I can't. Everytime I let myself loose with her, laugh, joke, have a fun time, she throws it in my face again. Has a tantrum and always wants to go one step further than we have went. I do my best with her, I try my best with her... but my best isn't good enough.

At the minute I am doing my job, keeping her safe from harm, bathing her, dressing her... but I can't let myself love her properly as she holds back from me.

I don't know what advice I am after, I know you'll all hate me for saying I don't like her, but I want to. I really, really want to like her. She is a funny little thing, she has lots of friends, I'm just not one of them.

Although I do have to say that she told her grandma and dh on 2 seperate occassions that she loved them, but not as much as she loves me.

I also have a younger child who is 3 and don't feel like this towards her. I'm not depressed. Please, help me like my little girl again??

ireallydoloveher Seems to me you are not alone , my dd is also 5 and we clash constantly and i myself have said i love her but sometimes i just dont like her very much,and like you if i try and have a laugh she will get out of hand and throw it in my face!! I came to the conclusion its a mother daughter thing and that if we are so alike we are never going to get on the whole time! I also have dd who is 2.5 and i dont feel the same way about her as dd1, idont know if its because she is more like her dad than me that we get on better , although i will say she is trying my patience at the moment terrile twos it took an hour and a half to get her to tidy her toys up last night,but mummy was victorious and she did it in the end,whereas if it was the other one i would have the attitude to go with tantrum!!!

i think the advice about finding time where just the two of you go out and have fun together is excellent - and do it soon before you're past the point of no return. I have 3 DSs and a DD and I have to say my relationship with DD (now 18) has been the hardest work by far - she knows exactly what buttons to push, and I have spent a lot of the last 18 years not liking her very much. You're not alone feeling like this. It's that weird mother/daughter dynamic - no-one in the world has ever made me as angry and upset as my DD can do with ease. In addition to all that, 5 going on 6 is not (IME) an easy age for boys or girls - all of mine have gone through a "hard work" phase at that age.

To I Really Do Love Her:

Just wondering if anything has changed since you posted a few years ago. I ask because I can completely relate to what you wrote. Unfortunately, my daughter is 9 years old - the problem has been going on for some time. I am finding it more and more difficult to like her, particularly as she becomes more and more defiant and rude.

Hope you situation is better and that you have words of wisdom for me!

I have the same situation and I always find banning TV for a while and spending lots of one-to-one with DS (very like me, very challenging) works wonders. If you ban the TV it forces you to spend more time with her.

I don't think you need to talk to a psychologist. She sounds normal to me - probably very bright. She's looking for your attention. If she can't get it in a positive way, she'll push for negative attention.

It does sound like you are pushing her away and she will feel this. Remember she's still very small and she does not think like an adult. You are expecting a lot of her. She is getting a mind of her own. The trick is to let her have her own way a bit, build boundaries where needed, be consistent...and spend lots of time with her. Some children need alot of attention.