Should you *make* a three-year-old clean their teeth and wash hands, or can you leave it up to them to choose?

[GrrrTeethCleans]

Teeth cleaning and encouraging hand washing before bedtime have become hellish with ds (3.2). I have just flopped on the sofa after another miserable bedtime, which I feel terrible about. I lost my temper (again), and ds has gone to sleep with mucky hands and his teeth uncleaned. All the ideas for making hand washes and teeth cleaning fun don't wash anymore (excuse pun). I want lovely, snugly bedtimes again, and a son who is intrinsically motivated to take care of basic personal hygiene, and to achieve this, I'm tempted to take a risk in stopping trying to make him do these things.

If I display some pictures of healthy and not so healthy (unbrushed) teeth, and frequently explain and remind ds about the importance of these things, would it be reasonable, responsible and realistic to simply leave the ball in his court? Or must he be made to do these things, every bedtime, at this age? And if so, how?!

Thanks. Grrr.

i don't think you should make a fuss of it. Could you get him a fun toothbrush of his choosing and a coloured flannel that is his or something to encourage him? He will do it eventually. My daughter is 3 and we got her a small electric toothbrush which she loves.

I had problems with my DD who is nearly 4 now. When she was a bit younger she hated having her teeth brushed but I forced her with bribes/threats/whatever as I couldn't bear the guilt if her teeth rotted!

I think the message has got through as now even though she still doesn't like it she grins and bears it as she knows it has to be done.

So I guess you should just stick with it and maybe after a few months he will give in as he realises it is just something that has to be done whether he likes it or not. Hth.

wrap child tightly in bath towel, with arms pinioned firmly to sides, clamp one arm around child, hold brush in the other and scrub those pegs

teeth brushing and handwashing are compulsory in the lulu's household!

At that age a child cant be expected to remember to or want to wash their hands & clean their teeth, but they still have to be done, by you as the parent.
My children have electric toothbrushes as well. Takes much less time than a manual one.

Sorry, but I really feel this HAS to be done, and I don't think anyone would have intrinsic motivation at this age - I believe they are too young to understand much about it - I think the intrinsic motivation comes later, due largely due to the instilled parental voice in head.

My mother had awful teeth due to very little parental effort (she was the fourth of five and it was a long time ago) and as a result was very strong on teeth work.

Hands, I just feel it's very important - ds's particularly as they must wee over their hands a lot.

I really sympathise re bedrooms. For handwashing, we do races - I announce 'Time to wash hands for lunch, and I'm going to beat you to it' - cue race and struggle for soap. Nearly always works and has done for a year or so (ds 3.6).

Teethbrushing - dinosaur roars used to work. Look for books about teethbrushing - Moon Zoo is the only one I have come across with any vague connection - at one point the words 'Open wide' are heard, and he does respond to this.

Try taking him to the dentist, and get their advice, also if the dentist praises him for having good teeth, you can remind him how pleased the dentist was etc.

'son, you can brush your teeth and then I will read you a story OR you can not brush your teeth and it's lights out straight way'

then walk away like you don't care

sorry - sympathy with your bedtimes not bedrooms - and dinosaur roars are about getting the child to roar like a dinosaur, therefore exposing teeth.

Has he had a visit to the denist yet? maybe make one and ask him to help explain to him why brushing is so important and dont forget he gets stickers too

My dd tell em if you dont brush your teeth they fall out, and thats why granddad has none as he was naughty and didnt clean them

I think you have to continue to make him do it, its for his own good, even if he doesnt know it yet.
lisa

I have this problem every night to with my DS 3.9 so you are not alone It's a nightmare. I've tried the 'if you don't do your teeth now you won't get a story' but it doesn't work anymore. Did for a while though.

I reckon the electric toothbrush could be a good idea as well as visiting the dentist. I'm going to try these.

Sorry for hijack!

I'm very particular about teeth cleaning and washing hands before eating/after going to the toilet etc. These have been the rules ever since day 1 (or since relevant at least) Tried every trick in the book.

My DS is 14 and still hasn't quite got it.

Hope you have more success!

my ds's are 2.8 and at the mo teeth brushing is fun and they request that its done. We roar and they brush, mummy then has a quick go after they have done it themselves. We also still have a bath every night so by default hands are washed.

Can someone advice if this will come crashing down round my ears?

I'm hoping that by never changing the routine it will carry on happening....am I wrong?

i am a big fan of novelty toothbrushes for incentive, but I am with lulumama, toothbrushing is compulsory, hand/facewashing is compulsory. I often say that I'll do half and then he can do the other half of the job (so I make sure that teeth are clean and then he sucks on the toothbrush or mimics my brushing with astonishing inefficiency). Fortunately my ds LOVES the taste of toothpaste (caught him with tube in hand as he was squeezing it into his gob the other day, so unlike Grrr I have to actively keep mine away from the paste except for brushing purposes...)

I agree, teeth cleaning and handwashing are compulsory. I used to say to mine either we do this the easy way (ie you do it) or the hard way (ie i do it, whatever it takes). I think you have to be consistent, and find the energy to do it time, after time, after time. Even til they are 14.

At 3 we made her. Yes, absolutely!

Now she is 4 she does this unprompted.

It's just too bad. We are the adults and she is the child.

Hands and faces washed before meals and bed and teeth brushed upon waking and before bed.

Too bad, so sad.

Surely hands can be washed at a different time and will be okay at nighttime.

Teeth - not negotiable in our household. My mum and dad just let us do it ourselves and my teeth are all filled - except the one that grew after I'd had a lot of fillings and started to take it seriously.

What works changes all the time, at the moment it's a song about a plane and "where are all the passengers" (back top teeth) "where is the pilot" front top "where is the luggage (back bottom) "where is the landing gear" (front bottom.

Have not read whole thread, but DH & I are insistent one of us does their teeth at night still - they have electric toothbrushes and start it off, we then go over, and they are 9 and 7. In the morning they do their own.
Both DH and I have loads of fillings and DH has hadmiserable experiences, most recently a tooth out without anaesthetci in Tunisia
Hand washing I am not so fussed about except before meals and after playing in the garden.
Baths & showers more relaxed about - teeth - obsessive...

pointydog has it right imo

ds ..just 3 has a bath every night anyway..so dirty hands not an issue...but a few weeks ago was refusing to have his teeth brushed.
Would never force the issue..so one night =dirty teeth at bedtime...next day purchase of electric fire engine toothbrush & book called the 'selfish crocodile' who has a rotten tooth & terrible toothache.
elaborating on the story
somewhat has worked wonders

well, it's a wonder my 12 yo has any teeth left in his head........

Thanks all. We have tried two fun electric toothbrushes. Got story book on teeth care. Done turn-taking (him then me, or me then him), cleaning cuddly toys' 'teeth', roaring like a lion (to open mouth), talking about day (to distract) and also tickling (to open mouth). As for enforced teeth brushing, we've tried that twice, under dentist's instruction, and ds became so distressed that he threw up. (Need major guilt emoticon here.) Tbh, we've had phases of this resistance since ds has had teeth ? hence having tried lots of things by now.

Have done races to sink for hand washing, plus three fun flannels. Have asked ds to wash my hands, bath doll, do the washing up. All works once or twice, or for a while. But he's been there and done these things now. One thing has not continually, consistently worked.

LOL lilolilmanchester. So even becoming super-strict about it doesn't guarantee intrinsic motivation a decade later! We have tried a similar approach to you ? not the easy versus hard way, but 'friendly' versus 'rough' (which the hard way invariably is). As I said above, the rough way leads to vomiting. Guaranteed. Do I have a bowl handy and we just get through a couple of nights of ds being sick?! The thought of that is truly horrible.

Rantmum ? ds loves toothpaste too. He'll eat that. Suck three lots off the toothbrush for his turn! Just won't let me near him for my turn.

Califrau ? I can see Lightning McQueen hand towels going down a storm! Thanks.

twentypence ? I think I am, like you, of a view that hand washes before bed aren't critical if they're done throughout the day after using the loo. Ds will mostly do this happily, when not utterly tired out, so it's the tired teeth cleaning issue most of all, for me. I'm with you ? what 'works' in getting ds to clean his teeth changes regularly, and we have simply reached a creative dry spell having tried so many things. I love the plane song idea. Can you tell me the tune you sing it to?!

Kookaburra - am with you on kids needing some grown-up input on teeth cleaning until they're way older than 3. But how do you make them co-operate? If ds runs off or steadfastly refuses to open his mouth or throws up if it's prised open, erm, I'm at a loss.

Lullabyloo - thanks for the toothbrush and book tip.

And thank you all. We have tried a lot of these things, tbh, hence me continuing to feel decidedly defeatist about this (and worried that ds must be unusually, super-difficult - at bedtime at least). But I'm grateful, and encouraged (Tigi!), and am trundling off with some new ideas ? hurrah!

Tooth brushing and hand washing are mandatory for 3.5 yr dd. BUT I've never held her down or physically enforced either - just doesn't feel ok for me.

I've used various ploys, including simple firmness along the lines of 'we're not leaving the bathroom until teeth are done' and lots along the lines of 'if you want to watch tv/have your juice/play you need to do your hands first'.

To be fair, she has weeks of being fine with both, then goes through phases of hating brushing her teeth (hands always ok, if varying degrees of grace).

After 3yrs, explaining about holes in teeth, yellowy teeth, etc has had quite a lot of impact. She's been to meet the dentist, and though she quite liked him she doens't relish the thought of having him fiddle in her mouth.

Current phase of hating toothbrushing didnt' respond to any of my previous methods - so I found a new boundary: dd gets to choose. But if she chooses NOT to brush her teeth, she gets NO sugar in her diet for the day, as I've explained about toothbrushing being extra important to get sugary stuff off your teeth - ie no juice, no biscuit, no treats. She's yet to choose not to brush her teeth

Hmm I think although these things are mandatory I also don't think a huge deal should be made of it for this very reason.
As far as the teeth go I asked my dentist when I was having difficulty with dd and he said the most important thing at this stage really is to get a toothbrush with paste on in her mouth twice a day I never believed in holding her down and doing it with her upset because it has to be done so turning it into a battle ground just makes her back off from it more so we did loads of things she brushed my teeth while I did hers, or she got to do them before nursery and dp and I HAD to do them before bed things like that, I also got her a battery opperated toothbrush which she loved.

Hand washing we don't have too much of an issue with because she loved squirting the soap onto her hands and playing with the bubbles. MIL also showed her how to blow bubbles using the soap and water and making her fingers into an O shape so that I just leave her to get on with I let her basically play in the sink when hand washing as long as she gets it done.

Does he by any chance go to nursery - DS wasn't at all keen on handwashing until he'd been there and started to see all of his friends doing it. At home we concentrate on making LOTS of bubbles and he seems to like that.

Re teeth - we have similar issues so thanks for posting this thread, I'll be trying out some of the ideas below!